They don't have to see you cry
by Spookysstarbuck
Summary: MP raped, J. is the only one who could help her! ----> SO THE STORY IS FINISHED NOW!
1. Prologue - Inspiration

1 THEY DON'T HAVE TO SEE YOU CRY  
  
~ Prologue ~  
  
This story came up my mind, okay let's say the first parts of it. when I was laying on a quilt next to the River Danube in February this year. I made a bike trip and rested a bit, daydreaming like always.  
  
I was resting there in the sun, it was a warm day, listening to my diskman. And this songs inspired me a bit. Whenever I hear this song my Robbie Williams I have to think about Miss Parker, especially at the following lines:  
  
1.1.1 Eternity  
  
by Robbie Williams  
  
Close your eyes so you don't feel them  
  
They don't need to see you cry  
  
I can't promise I will heal you  
  
But if you want to I will try  
  
I sing this summer serenade  
  
The past is done we've been betrayed  
  
It's true  
  
Someone said the truth will out  
  
I believe without a doubt ... in you  
  
(...)  
  
You give me what I need  
  
And I hope you'll find your freedom  
  
For eternity  
  
(...)  
  
Yesterday when we were talking  
  
WE talked about your mum and dad  
  
What they did that made you happy  
  
What they did to make you sad  
  
We sat and watched the sun go down  
  
Picked up a star before we lost ... the moon  
  
Youth is wasted on the young  
  
Before you know it's come and gone ... to soon  
  
(...)  
  
And the other song has nothing to do with the topic but these lines are related to Miss Parker, in my mind.  
  
1.2 Don't cry for me Argentina  
  
by A.L. Webber  
  
It won't be easy, you'll think it strange  
  
When I try to exlain how I feel  
  
That I still need your love, after all I have done  
  
(...)  
  
So I chose freedom  
  
Running around, trying everything new  
  
But nothing impressed me at all  
  
I never expected it too  
  
(...)  
  
The answer was here all the time  
  
I love you and hope you love me  
  
(...)  
  
Have I said too much ?  
  
There's nothing more I can think of to say to you  
  
But all you have to do is to look at me and know  
  
That every word is true  
  
When I came home I made some notices about the ideas and during the last weeks I developed them. Now in my Easter Break I have time to start writing at night. Some dialogues are fixed yet, some new characters too but it's not too easy - not as easy as I thought that it might be.  
  
So .... let's start! 


	2. Chapter 1 - Why Me?

~ Chapter 1 ~  
  
  
  
I was running down the dark alley. I do not know how late it exactly is. I only know that the moon was not really shining, it was absolutely dark. It seems that it will start to rain during the next minutes. I do not want to get wet, not today, not in these shoes and not in this skirt. I do not want to get wet, not in this expensive silk blouse. Running in these shoes wasn't fun either.  
  
Before that I stepped in at "O'Brien's" and had a view drinks as usual. Normally I have sex after these drinks, because there are always some *nice* guys running around there. Today it was different. I came home tired after just 1 Vodka and went to the kitchen to have another one, only one before I wanted to go to bed. When I stood in front of the refrigerator I found this note pinned there with a magnet.  
  
Dear my beloved Sister,  
  
I left you somebody scared in McAllester Alley, not far from you I know. I know that this is your favourite Alley, if I remember correctly-  
  
Love, Lyle  
  
I was shocked, stepped back into my shoes and ran to my car, drove to the beginning of McAllester alley and parked the car there. With my Smith&Wesson 9mm in the left hand, my flashlight in the other one.  
  
Now I am running down the lane, looking if I can see anybody but there was nobody. I'm stopping. Maybe I will hear a voice or something *familiar* from somewhere in the alley. There's nothing. Shit ....  
  
Where is the woman this time. It was not the first time Lyle murdered or at least shocked a woman. The game was new, I mean that I have to find this woman. He has never done it before. Normally this job is the police's.  
  
It's cold and I have forgotten to take my jacket with me. I am freezing. I'm not searching the area again, the last time. There is nobody!  
  
"Hello ... is there somebody?" I was shouting. I am not sure but I think I have heard something. What was it? I'm slowly moving my body next to a tree. There is nothing ....  
  
Shit who is it? I am feeling somebody breathing against my neck. No Jarod not you!? Slowly I'm turing around, hoping not to loose the grip on my S&W. I will shoot him for this *funny* game.  
  
I took a deep breath and turned around. Before I was able to notice a face I was knocked down.  
  
  
  
A- a couple of hours later-  
  
- somewhere in West Virginia -  
  
"Shit ... " I shouted. I was cuffed against the edge of a bed and it was not mine as usual. "Shit"  
  
My wrists were hurting badly. I felt my head burning and something running down my left cheek. I do not want to open my eyes, not let anybody see my fear. I was only hoping that it was a bad dream ...  
  
But when I felt a hand running up my leg I opened them. I saw a foreigner!  
  
What can I do? I was thinking while a hand run up my thigh. NO!  
  
"Jack she's awake again!" , the foreigner shouted and I turned my head to the right side and saw another guy sitting on a table, in his hand a bottle of beer.  
  
"Okay I will tell Fred.", he said and left the room. Now only we two were there, alone. I closed my eyes and I really hoped that I will wake up, that all that was only a dream. But it shouldn't be. After some minutes the guy from the table came back with 'Fred'. My God this guy looked strong.  
  
Is that the revenge to all my affairs?  
  
They were standing in a row in front of me, discussing something I couldn't understand.  
  
I was looking down on my body. Thanks God I was still wearing my dark blue silk blouse and the black skirt.  
  
"Where am I and what do you want .... ?" I was asking, my voice shuddering because I was afraid of the answer. And I was right of being afraid.  
  
A second later I felt a hand running up my thigh, trying to caress me. But it was no caressment to me. I tried to get him off me when he climbed on my lap. I missed his balls fatally with my knee.  
  
"Oh ... you like it hard Parker!" the man was joking on my lap.  
  
" You know who I am?"  
  
"Sure we know who you are my dear."  
  
I was shocked. Why do they act like that? The guy on my lap. Frank, was unbotting my blouse slowly tried to get him off me again, but he hit my face badly. Shit. It hurt. I felt blood in my mouth. But I calmed down fastly, afraid that they would like to see me in anger. I recognised that I had no chance.  
  
Fred finished with my blouse, Jack wrapped up my skirt and the third tried to unhook my bra. It was too easy for him!  
  
I was laying there, more or less naked in front of foreigners. What shall I do now?  
  
Parker think .... what do you do when they want to rape you?   
  
Slowly the one was getting my pants off my hips. I closed my eyes, thinking that this rough hands would belong to Jarod. Oh I would do everything if it could be Jarod's. But they are not!  
  
His arms where now under my bra. Oh my God it can't be ... The other man's hand went under my panties.  
  
"No .... " I was screaming, crying or what ever it was, as loud as I could. I can't take this anymore!  
  
They tried to caress me but it was impossible. Shit they want to fuck me. Why me?   
  
I tried to scream again. But it was impossible. I got no breath. What are they doing to my body?   
  
I was lost.  
  
I had no chance.  
  
I can't stand it.  
  
Let me die, just die as soon as possible.  
  
I can't stand it.  
  
It's too much.  
  
Why always me?  
  
The next thing I remember now is that I was knocked out. I was away. Where I am? 


	3. Chapter 2 - Whom Can I Trust Now?

1 They don't have to see you cry  
  
1.1 Chapter 2  
  
1.1.1 Somewhere – later  
  
Oh my whole body is hurting! Where am I now? .... I feel cold  
  
The floor under me was cold and wet, more than wet it was soaked. It seems like it had rained before.  
  
Holy shit I am somewhere outside ... left alone?  
  
"Be a Parker and open your eyes!" I said loud and opened my eyes as slowly as possible. By voice was shivering.  
  
"Shit" – I screamed as loud as I could. "Where am I?"  
  
It was dark around me, some trees near. The moon was shining. My eyes needed a view moments to focus the area around me. Where am I? I was thinking.  
  
My fingers started to run along the wet earth. Nothing. With one hand I tasted my cell phone. My body hurt such a lot. I was not able to sit up. I stared at the sky, the stars where brightly shining. It was such a mess that the floor was so wet. I felt uncomfortable. What should I do?  
  
Please let me alone here! It's the first time in life I beg to be alone. Please!  
  
I got the phone in my right hand. I hadn't noticed before that my fingers were full of dried blood. "Shit!" was the only thing I was able to think of.  
  
I tried to focus the area, if something looks familiar to me. No. It wasn't McAllester or something like that. I slowly turned on my belly. Shit that hurts I saw a street sign telling me ~ Have a good Times in Maryland !~  
  
Shit where am I? Maryland can't be true!  
  
"Holy shit, whom should I call now?" I lied back on the socked ground, thinking whom I can trust. "Whom can I really trust?"  
  
But before I could decide whom I will phone, the cell phone was ringing.  
  
Who cares for me ? I was thinking. It was something after midnight when I look around and see how dark it was.  
  
I put slowly the green button. In my familiar icy voice I tried to say "What?" but I think it hadn't the same effect.  
  
"Is it you Parker? I tried it the last two days at your home phone. Sydney worries about you!"  
  
Jarod, whom else is caring about be like he does?  
  
"Is that one of your silly games lab-rat?" I said. What should I say?  
  
"What are you speaking about Parker?" His voice had changed.  
  
I could not say a word for a couple of minutes. Can I trust him? Isn't he the only friend I ever had, expect my beloved Thommy?  
  
"Jarod?" I asked and tried to comfort my arm.  
  
"What's up Parker? " I heard the sorrow in his voice.  
  
"I need your help, Jarod I am not joking or something like that! I really need ..." My voice broke down.  
  
When have I said that the last time to him? When mum died ...  
  
"Okay Parker. Just tell me what to do?"  
  
Did he heard me sobbing? Hope not. I can't control my tears anymore. What should I do? He was the only one I really can trust, who never wanted to hurt me!  
  
"Jarod you are the only one I can trust at the moment ... "  
  
"I never wanted that you are hurt Parker!"  
  
"To late Jarod ... " – I was whimpering.  
  
"Where are you? I'll be there in a fiffy!"  
  
"It's not so easy Jarod. I can only see a sign which says 'Have a nice time in Maryland'" – I tried to control my voice. "It's so dark Jarod and cold. I am tired."  
  
"Okay Parker. Describe me what you can see around you, it might help me!"  
  
I looked around as good as possible.  
  
"There are a lot of trees. It's an alley I think. It's really dark and the floor is soaked from the rain. I think next to me is a field. I do not know what's growing there."  
  
"Okay .... keep on."  
  
"Well ... Jarod it's pretty calm here, I do not hear any noises. No houses. No electricity."  
  
"Okay ...."  
  
He can't know from this description where I am ... but he's Jarod! Tears were running down my face slowly. It was really cold here. I tried to put my arm around my chest. But it was still cold.  
  
That conversation kept on for around an hour but I am not sure how long it was. My watch was missing.  
  
"Parker I know where you are. I am there in about 5 minutes." He took a deep breath I could hear that. "Stay calm Parker. I am there soon."  
  
"Fine ... I count on you!" I really do that Jarod. You are the only one now.  
  
The line went dead. My bat was out now. I knew that it would come this way. I tried to sit up but I can't. I heard a car stopping, near me.  
  
I heard a voice shouting my name. Jarod you are here! I was thinking.  
  
"Jarod I am here!" I shouted as loud as possible.  
  
I saw his shocked face when he saw me laying there as I did.  
  
"Holy shit Parker! I'll be back in a second. I am only taking a sheet out of the car."  
  
Now I noticed that I was naked, bloody and naked. It was not enough that they raped me, no they also ....  
  
He doesn't care a lot about my naked body. I have to look awful!  
  
He came back with a quilt, an old one like my mum had. He knelt down beside me. He touched my face slowly.  
  
"Shit Parker!" I tried to stand up but it didn't work. He put the quilt around me as good as possible and carried me to the car. He laid me in the back of it, putting his jacked under my neck, like a pillow. He slowly but some hair out of my face.  
  
"How do you feel Parker?" he said softly, like a whisper.  
  
"How should I feel Jarod? How should I?" I started crying again. I don't want that he sees me like that.  
  
"Go Jarod let's go away!"  
  
  
  
After a couple of hours, I was still crying, whimpering, like before.  
  
Jarod stopped the car. He went out of the car, went back to me, helped me to sit up and I was now able to let it go. I put my head on his shoulder and stared to let everything go out, crying ....  
  
"You should see a doctor Parker!"  
  
"No ... let's go as far away as possible first!"  
  
He slowly touched my lips with his fingers. "Do you want to sit next to me?"  
  
I only nodded. He climbed out the car and carried me to the front seat. Than he pulled out a T-shirt out of his bag and helped me in.  
  
Without a lot of words we went on. I think we were on the road for nearly 3 hours, maybe longer. I lost the feeling for time. I could still not believe that all that happened to me and that the Ice Queen needed the help of the Labrat.  
  
He suddenly stopped the car in front of a motel.  
  
"We have to make a break Parker. I need to get some rest. And we need to clean your wounds."  
  
"Okay that's enough!" I tried to smile at him. "Just go and get us a key!"  
  
He looked amused at me "Hurry up Jarod!"  
  
  
  
Within some minutes he was back with the key in his hand and a small package in the other one. The lab-rat, my dear old friend Jarod, helped me out of the car and brought me into this small room. It didn't soon too clean but who cares at the moment?  
  
He laid me on the bed and went to the bathroom next to the bed. I noticed that there was no couch in the room or chair. It was really such a naughty little motel, normally only people in love came to.  
  
"Parker ... next to you in the paper bag is a bottle of Vodka. Would you try to drink a bit of it. I think cleaning your wounds will hurt!"  
  
I grabbed the bag and put it out. I can't wait to feel the liquid running down to my stomach. That was against all rules to end up with that shit ulcer!  
  
"I know Parker that you shouldn't drink it because of your ulcer but it's the only thing I could get!"  
  
Shit he knows me quite well!   
  
  
  
++++++++++++++++++++TBC R&R please ++++++++++++ 


	4. Chapter 3 - Let's Remember What Was Fir...

Writer's note: This is my first fan fiction and I try to add as many chapters as possible, as soon as possible. Unfortunately I have a lot to do for University at the moment so there are a couple of chapters hand-written in a small booklet, waiting to be typed.  
  
I am really waiting for more R&R because it's my first fan fiction I have ever published. It's not my mother tongue so excuse mistakes please.  
  
Rate: NC-17 in my mind, but some will it maybe take as PG, better higher than to low. (  
  
Disclaimer: they all doesn't belong to me ... only the thoughts and ideas are mine.  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Let's remember what was first  
  
  
  
  
  
I was laying there on the bad, not wanting to move in any directions. I closed my eyes slowly, not wanting to remember anything ....  
  
"Parker, you are a strong woman. Now be this special woman for me Parker!" he said when he came back from the bathroom with something in his hand.  
  
" I know that it will hurt badly, but we have to clean it up. We don't want you to get an infection. Don't we?"  
  
I was only able to shake my head and smiled at him. I know he was uncomfortable but what shall I do?  
  
"Have you drunken some of the Vodka?"  
  
"Of course! It was a good idea to get one Jarod. Thanks for all you do to me!"  
  
It was the first time since a long time that I said 'thank you' to him  
  
I felt his fingers on my skin with something wet beneath his fingers. Oh my god ... his fingers and touches are so soft!   
  
"Oh ... " I could only scream at the moment he touched my naked belly. I haven't seen my skin yet, and I really don't want to see it. It's enough to feel it!  
  
"I know Parker it really hurts! Do you want more Vodka?"  
  
I was only able to nod slowly. It was enough for today. I only wanted to run away as fast as possible, to forget what happened, to forget my whole life ... or?  
  
I put more Vodka into my mouth, more and more ... slowly I closed my eyes, feeling nothing anymore. I only feel his fingers on my skin, not knowing if it was just a dream or not, reality for just a reflection of the past. I don't want to open my eyes now, let me dream this dream, let me get to the one day in the past back, I really felt comfortable being Mary Eve Parker. The one day I really loved to hear somebody call me Mary after my mum died.  
  
Oh god I feel his fingers on my breaths, and this feeling in my stomach again, this tickling ....  
  
Oh god it's like years ago. How old have I been ? Maybe 16 I think, he was older than me maybe 18 or so. It was the first time I came home from boarding school since about 2 years, but I hadn't seen him for more than 3. We were both kids when we saw each other the last time, yeah kids.  
  
I came home and asked Daddy if it's possible for me to see Jarod. He said now because J. would be busy at the moment running SIMs. I was crying all the night. Hey I was just 16, getting more and more a woman even if nobody seemed to notice it, not even Daddy.  
  
Angelo knocked on the vet system and asked me what my problem was, and I told him. He showed me one of his big smiles – I will never forget this smile – and he told me that I should be here tomorrow at 10pm and we'll go to see Jarod.  
  
I could jump because of happiness. On the next day I stood a long time in front of my mirror with various combinations of cloths - skirts and blouses, trousers and shirts. Hey we were in the 80s, fashion was more important than ever even if it was a horrible one. If I think about it today, I had really a crush on him. Or?  
  
Well I decided to wear skinny trousers, they fit me perfectly and a short top, as short as legal. It was only hiding my breaths, so not to much to day because they weren't big at all, small ones just my whole body. I mean I was big at that age, bigger than many others at my class but with the smallest breaths.  
  
I couldn't wait till 10pm. I was counting seconds. When Angelo knocked on the vet system and I climbed in it, I was absolutely nervous. What would he say? Would I recognise me? But my self-confidence grew with every centimetre I came nearer to his room. I remembered were it was clearly. Angelo left me just before it and went back to his room. I robbed to the end of the 'tunnel' and slowly, shyly knocked. He looked around the room, wondering where it comes from. But a second later our eyes connected. Oh ... these eyes ... I was stunned. I'd really missed him through all the years, even if he wasn't the only guy who had been around me. I mean at boarding school a lot of boys wanted me to go out or do something more but I wasn't really interested in them. Well I had been out with some, but I didn't really like them.  
  
He told me with his fingers I should wait a minute. Hey it was after 10pm. He wasn't alone, wasn't he? Had the Center created a girlfriend for him? Was he sharing his bed with another girl than me? I hadn't stopped thinking when he put down the end of the "tunnel" and climbed into it too. I asked him shyly why he didn't let me into his room, and he just answered that it's not secure in there. And that I should go to the end of this tube and wait there for him. I did it, and I waited. I could feel his eyes on my back, and of course on my ass. I would have done everything to read his thoughts. I stopped and waited for him. He told me I should go to room 27.56 but I'd never heard of this one. I turned around and asked him if he couldn't go first. He nodded slowly and tried to climb over me to go ahead.  
  
Oh my god ...  
  
I could feel his breath on my flat belly, his arms on each side of my ribcage. Oh boy these eyes, in chocolate colour. Slowly he moved up, till I could feel his warm breath on my cheeks, his eyes met mine. I couldn't resist, I was just 16. I pulled him down to me, my hands were around his strong ribcage. I could feel the muscles through the tshirt. I slowly put my lips to his. My goodness he tasted like chocolate and strawberries, ice- cream and bubblegum. He didn't close his yes, I did – of course. I slowly opened my mouth. He was just such a shy guy. I am sure it was his first time, kissing a woman, laying on a woman – and now I am a woman, am I? Well I pulled him nearer, he should feel my small breaths against his strong rips. He should know how much I needed him.  
  
Well I had opened my mouth, and he did nothing. I slowly let tangle my tongue around his soft lips, hoping to get the permission to go into his mouth. Absolutely shyly he opened his mouth, starring at my all the time. I let my tongue glide inside it, and roused his own one. But suddenly he pulled away. I opened my eyes, in panic of course. What have I done was my only thought!  
  
But he came back to my face, whispering in my ear that he had never done something like that before. I could feel his hardness between my legs, he was just wearing sport trousers, short ones. My god the first time I felt something like that, it seemed to be so big. Wasn't it? He was so cute, whispering in my ear that he would want to touch my belly with his hands if I would allowed him to. I only kissed him passionately, with tongue now of course. He was a bloody good kisser, even if he had never kissed like that before. I felt the wetness between my legs slowly, when his hands moved down to my belly – he never broke up the eye contact.  
  
I was shuddering when his fingers touched my white skin. 'I like this blue shirt' he told me in his shy and deep voice. I had really missed this eyes, he had become so male since I saw him last.  
  
Slowly I guided his fingers under my shirt. He looked at me with these warm, brown teddy eyes and I could resist to pull him back to kiss me. He laid tightened next to me, the tube was small, only for a person and not for two. He kissed me hard, sucking all the breath out of my lungs and with his hand he slowly caressed my breaths. I asked him if I should get out of the tshirt and he nodded with this teddy bear smile I loved such a lot. His fingers tickled a bit on my bare chest. He told me that he had never touched a woman before but that Syd had given him 2 books about woman, but the pics in there weren't so beautiful than I was. Wasn't he a charming person?  
  
I was 16, absolutely wet at the moment between my thighs and wanting him. I lay there, waiting what he would do next but we just kissing me. Well it wasn't just kissing, it was more than kissing it was like ... like ... like ... breathing!  
  
Shyly like I was I put my tshirt away and under my head, and guided his mouth down my nipples. There are as dark as his eyes. He started to snuggle them, start to suck hard. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to moan loudly and when I did it he looked at me shocked. I just smiled and begged that he should go back where he had been before. He sucked the one and snuggled the other with his fingers. I was absolutely wet. I had never a man inside me, but at the moment I wanted nothing more than that. I will never forget the sentences he told me when he looked up to my face, his chin on my right nipple, his right hand on my hip. – 'Mary Eve would you allow me to suck your beautiful breaths forever? They are so wonderful, so full, the fit you so well Mary!' These were the most wonderful words I was ever told, till today, the day after I was rapped. It was the day after it, wasn't it?  
  
I just nodded with a big smile on my lips when he told me that. I hugged him, kissed him and he moved his pelvic between my legs. It was easier this way and I had a bit more room for my hands. He kissed me more and more passionate, demanding.  
  
I could feel his hardness pulling against my jeans. Could he feel how wet he made me?  
  
I moved my hands on his ass, slowly letting my fingers run under his short. He starred at me, a bit astonished, but did nothing. I slowly start rubbing my pelvic against his hardness. He smiled at me and groaned. He was so hard. He started to kiss me, slowly, trying to get enough breath. I got faster and faster, feeling him more and more against my wetness. I started to moan too, loudly. I wasn't thinking at the moment, I wanted him inside me, that was my goal.  
  
We stopped with that, and robbed together, poky through the tube, till there was a bigger one we slid in. He sat up, let his fingers snuggle down my belly, along my belly button, to my jeans. He slowly started to open the button, the zip and helped me out of them. Now he had to feel my wetness, smell my moister. I sat up to, naked only wearing a lace string tanga. I put my fingers in his shorts, helping him out of them.  
  
It was the first time in my life I saw a man with such a cock. I mean I had seen some cocks before when we 'observed' the football team under the shower, but this one ... boy ... when I you think that you've seen a cock before, you really surprised at this one. He was so big. He put down my string tanga, moving between my legs slowly. I will also never forget the dialog we had at this moment:  
  
'Parker ... I have a question ... I mean ... just ... ah ...'  
  
'Stay calm Jarod, don't be nervous! I have never done it before. I wanted you to be my first Jarod, only you!'  
  
I smiled, I had to smile shyly. After that I put his hand on my wetness.  
  
'Jarod that was you? You made me so wet down there, and wanting you so badly!'  
  
He didn't know what to say at all.  
  
'Come Jarod ... please'  
  
'Parker it's only I don't want to hurt you ...'  
  
'You will not hurt me Jarod, I am a big girl now!' - we both had to giggle softly.  
  
Slowly I felt the top of his penis gliding against my clit, I moaned and he moaned. Absolutely slowly, with such a lot of feeling, he glide inside me. Well it hurt like a bitch, but I didn't care about it at all. He kissed me when he was inside me. I think he had felt the small barrier inside me, he had to break through. My breath became more and more heavy, faster and I could feel the heat of his breath against my lips. I kissed him when me moved out and in again, moaning and groaning against each others cheeks.  
  
I felt that I start trembling inside. I get a bit louder, my moans louder, faster and more often. He became faster with his moves, master and with more grace. It felt so good. My climax got higher and higher, I started to tuck my long nails into his back, scratching a bit, not willing to but I couldn't resist. I felt my spasm against his cock, which was still moving inside and outside me, with passion. But shortly after me, he came, collapsed on my chest, moaning against my ear, licking his lips before kissing me hard, dancing fast with my tongue, caressing my nipples with his fingers – and I was coming again.  
  
After he went out of me, I felt like a woman, not a girl anymore. Now I was a woman. Unfortunately it should be the last time for a long time that I felt a real woman. He always loved me the way I've been.  
  
When he pulled out, he saw the blood there and was shocked. I hugged him tight, telling him that this is normal, and he should never spend a thought that there was the possibility that he hurt me. I also told him that he is really big, and that I had never seen such a good built guy before. And I told him that I will ever love him, forever and ever.  
  
Forever and ever ... times have changed. Haven't they?  
  
Forever .... ever? What does it mean now?  
  
I was the hunter and he normally starts to run away as fast as possible when I came near him. But he was the only one who ever cared about me. He always asks me who I am, not caring if I'm in a good mood or like mostly in a bad one. He was the one who cared about me and sent me Thommy. Oh god Thommy, what would I do to be next to you now, able to forget what happened ...  
  
But when I would be away, who could try to catch Jarod? Lyle this male slut? Now I can't leave Jarod now, he needs me and now I need him too.   
  
1 "Parker wake up!" he said with his soft voice. Have I dreamed? Where am I?  
  
I slowly opened my eyes and saw him, I felt his hand next to mine, holding mine softly.  
  
"What happened Jarod?" I asked him, in the nicest and loveliest voice I could think of at the moment.  
  
"You just ... well I am not sure ... fall asleep during I cleaned your wounds." He said, putting a smile on his lips.  
  
"How do you feel Parker?"  
  
" Well Jarod ... I am not sure ... my whole body hurts badly."  
  
"I know Parker, I know. I had to stitch some parts on your inner thighs and you have a bad cut on your lower belly. We have to take care of you. But at all ... well ... maybe one ... but the wounds will heel fastly, and you'll not be scarred."  
  
I saw his eyes, glared and tired. I move to the side a bit, to let him sit next to me, to lay down next to me.  
  
"Catch some sleep my big teddy bear. We'll run far away tomorrow morning." – what more should I say. I tried to calm him down, but he started crying and I know why. He cared about me, couldn't me see like this, bloody and of course still naked. I slowly moved the blanked around us, both of us.  
  
"Get out of your trousers Jarod. I know you don't like sleeping in them and I don't mind."  
  
He nodded and slowly got out of them, not wanting to touch my skin.  
  
"Jarod can you hold me this night? I don't want to be alone tonight, not tonight! I have been to much alone in my life." I started to cry too.  
  
He turned around, faced me and than he turned that my back laid to his chest, he put an arm around me and rocked me softly, till I fell asleep.  
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TBC soon ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Small preview: Don't think that it's as simple as it seems to be! It will be more complicate than I have ever been able to think of. Why me I always have to think ... it's not only that I got rapped .... it's ....  
  
R&R please .... some ideas, questions? mail to: miss.parker@gmx.at 


	5. Chapter 4 - Somebody who cares ...

Disclaimer: they all don't belong to me ... only the thoughts are mine  
  
Spoiler: non of course  
  
Rated: PG-13 I would say  
  
Writers note: I bought the new Celine Dion Album yesterday and when I hear the song "Goodbye's [the saddest word]" I have always to think about Miss Parker and the relationship towards her mother  
  
PLS R&R  
  
  
  
CHAPTER 4 - SOMEBODY WHO CARES  
  
  
  
In the morning when I woke up I was alone in bed, he wasn't there anymore. His side was cold. Where is he? I sat up and saw him sleeping on the floor. Slowly I rolled over to see him, sleeping like a baby.  
  
Shit I woke him up!  
  
I smiled at me when he noticed me.  
  
Morning my dear! he said with his chocolate brown eyes twinkling at me. I could only smile, nothing more. He was such a cute guy.  
  
1 I stood up from the floor, put the pillow back on the bed and went to the bathroom  
  
Jarod you know what happened. Don't you? He just nodded out of the bathroom.  
  
Oh yes he knows it and doesn't push me with telling him. He's such a sweetie. He's truly the only real friend I ever had except Thomas, yeah Thomas.   
  
The sun was shining in the room, in our room. It was the first time for years we were able to me in a room together without fighting – psychological and physiological.  
  
I stood up, but the sheet around my shoulders and went to the bathroom. I was standing behind him touching him at his shoulder. My body still hurts badly but what should I do? I can't lay in bed all day long.  
  
Parker look at you! he said softly and went away from the mirror to gave me success to see my bruised body in there. I was shocked when I put the sheet down my shoulders a bit, slowly opened it. I always was proud to have a good looking body, many men wanted to touch. Now I was blue, green and a kind of violet, with small marks around and some dried blood. It was absolutely a mess. My silky skin looking like that was a scandal! I felt tears running down my cheeks. I was stunned. I am not willing to hide my tears anymore, not in front of Jarod.  
  
He stood now behind me, watching me with this doggy look. He came near and hold me close. I close around and put my head on the place between his shoulder and his head, sobbing.  
  
Who did that to you? he asked me. It has also only been a matter of time till would ask me. His fingers slowly moved up and down my neck, slowly, caressing me, holding me close.  
  
I don't know Jarod ... I .... only remember 3 men ... I think they hit me badly on my head ...   
  
Nothing more Parker, think! he faced me. Why have you been to this alley at all?   
  
I looked at him, scared.  
  
I found at a note at home, from Lyle I think, telling me that he had left me somebody scared in McAllester Alley. I went there but there wasn't anybody ...  
  
Don't you understand that Parker? He left you scared!   
  
Shit he's right! I nodded. I couldn't understand why my brother should do something like that. Lyle has always been the pain in the pass but he was my brother! Jesus!  
  
Jarod slowly rubbed my back, made small circles on my bare skin. I hadn't been able to hold the sheet during embracing Jarod. I needed somebody to be near me, not only here, near me –like Jarod now. I had to spend such a lot of time alone during my life ...  
  
I was quite scared about what Jarod would do next. If he would find these 3 men or Lyle would get into his way - he wouldn't think twice and kill them. I know Jarod. I know him.  
  
Slowly I realised what Jarod was afraid of. What did Lyle want to do with me? Kill me or just shock me? And for God why?  
  
Just hold me Jarod ... just hold me and never let me go!   
  
He hold me pokier than before, never wanting to let me go. Why had Lyle done that?   
  
Parker I know that you don't want to go to a doctor. but we have to run some tests, only to be sure that everything is fine with you. He really wanted to take care of me, just me. I notices that he was nervous, the small trembling in his voice. Wasn't he cute the way he tried to handle with me?  
  
The only reward I could give him at the moment was to stay, to be nice and to need him. He always wanted to be there for somebody, only be there without wanting a reward.  
  
We should at least run a pregnancy test Parker, only to be sure. He was damned right but what shall I do now? I couldn't run away, I needed him but I didn't want to do any of these test, being afraid of the result.  
  
I just nodded and went away from him, picking up the sheet from the floor.  
  
You have to understand Jarod that I can't let somebody touch me right at the moment.   
  
But you let me ....  
  
Jarod I mean a foreigner, you aren't one to me. I tried to smile, but it was hard right at the moment. But I am really fine.   
  
Fine ... fine ... you always say that you are fine when you feel worse! I noticed that the voice was deeper now. He was right, I know.  
  
Don't be angry Jarod. Haven't you once jobbed as a doctor at one of your Pretends?   
  
Sure I have Parker, don't remember? It was the first job I had after I escaped!   
  
Yeah I remember clearly. It's really long ago!   
  
Hey Parker, I never forget anything ! Didn't you wore this dark blue Donna Karen costume this day?   
  
Could be Jarod. I don't remember! He's really good. I had a dark blue one at this time, bought in London. His really good.  
  
So you mean ...   
  
Yes Jarod I want you to run all the tests you want to make. I trust you not to do something stupid. I said and giggled a bit.  
  
I will try. And I heard this familiar laughing from him.  
  
He looked at me with this proofed look I knew so well. And I liked it. I felt secure.  
  
He hugged me tight and looked in my eyes. It should be like that forever. Secure.  
  
We'll have a look at you after I am back from the city. I will go to the pharmacy and get some tests and something to wear for you. Or do you want to run around like this for the rest of your life? He said and laughed silently.  
  
I could only give him a sarcastically answer. If you don't care, I'll stay in this sheet forever. It's such a kind of unused and fit me perfectly.   
  
He put his jacket one, black leather like always. Always.  
  
Thanks Jarod. he turned around and faced me Thanks for all you've done for me during the last days. I am not sure what had happened without you!   
  
You are welcome Parker but why do you say something like that?   
  
Jarod you are the only one I have now, the only one I can trust.   
  
Why Parker? he seemed to know the answer as well as I did.  
  
Because it's true Jarod. You are the only one who was always there for me.   
  
Parker thanks for saying that to me but you have also Broots and Syd, not to forget to your beloved daddy!   
  
You know the answer Jarod. What else should I say? He took everything away from me Jarod, everything. And all the because he's jealous that I had a "normal" childhood, not living at a lab with Rains. He had never had the change to meet our mum but that's not my mistake!   
  
No it isn't Parker. he touched my shoulder. You mean Lyle of course but he isn't everything.   
  
My tears were coming back and he noticed them as well as I did.  
  
Hold me Jarod, just hold me and never leave me again. I will not be able to love you because I was never able to love somebody and ... and it's more secure if I don't love you because ... cause ... everybody I loved was killed ... Mommy of course, Thomas and ... and my Baby.   
  
I know it was something new for him, he didn't know it. I know. I am a bad girl I know but what shall I do?  
  
He faced me, loosening the embrace a bit. He was surprised  
  
Your Baby?   
  
How should I tell him that now? I wasn't use to tell it to anybody. Okay be a Parker and tell him the truth that you were pregnant at the age of 16   
  
I had a miscarriage when I was 16 some months after we spent this special night together, this night. I looked at him. He was surprised and shocked.  
  
You remember that night?   
  
What that the reason of his surprised look? Can't be! I look in his eyes. The eyes I loved such a lot.  
  
How could I ever forget this night Jarod? I smiled at him. My voice was softer and a bit deeper than usual.  
  
I wasn't sure about it. Many things have changed the last years.   
  
He was more than true. We changed from the best friends to a loving couple to hunter and prey.  
  
I wasn't able to tell that I am pregnant because I found it out when I was back at the boarding school and I wasn't allowed to write you, I wasn't able to write you. I was 6 month pregnant when I had this silly accident at the gym and so I lost the twins.   
  
I know that it would have been a shock for him, and I felt a bit better that I had lost this secret, a good hidden one of course.  
  
Twins? he looked at me with this hurt-look.  
  
I took a deep breath. I haven't spoken about this topic for more than a decade of years.  
  
Yes Jarod, twins ... two little ... I cried softly. It was still hard to speak about it and to tell him, him, about it. This year when I lost the twins, was the hardest year for me being in Europe and have everybody I loved on the other side of the Ocean. My daddy had decided that I should go to the International Boarding School in Vienna, the capital of Austria, and study law there afterwards. He always wanted the best for me. I have never been happy in Austria. It was a nice country at all but I wanted to be near Jarod.  
  
Don't say it Parker, don't say it! He kissed softly my cheeks and hold me as tight as possible. It's not any longer important. You should live in the presents and the future and not in the past anymore.   
  
I know that but the past is hunting me now! All the stuff I did!   
  
I got out of the embrace and went to the window. It was still raining but I didn't care. Normally I enjoyed the rain. It was a symbol of freedom. Freedom. What's that?  
  
Okay Jarod, thanks for listening to me but now shut up and go to buy what we need.   
  
I'll bring us something to eat too. What do you want?   
  
I am not hungry J.   
  
He nodded. I am sure he'll bring something anyway but I am really not hungry.  
  
I went to the table next to the window and took the bottle of Vodka.  
  
I need a good strong drink now!   
  
I started to open it, playing with the fastener.  
  
No, not Parker. I know that this is one of your bad habits but please not today.  
  
I nodded shyly when he took the bottle with him out of the room.  
  
  
  
Seems to you Parker as this is the first person in your life who really cares about you! It's the same like weeks ago ...  
  
... it was exact like the day he picked me up from this bar in Maryland.  
  
It had been mum's anniversary, a couple of weeks ago. In the morning I had been to the graveyard putting down flowers. I was the first one, any more or less sure the only one. It was this year harder than the years before. I phoned Syd that I would take the day off. He said nothing, knowing what day it was.  
  
I went to this pub I used to be with Thomas after hiking through the mountains. He loved this pub. I parked the car in front of it. I sat at the bar, wearing a my favourite dark blue silk blouse and the short black skirt, as short as legal. I started with Whisky, then Bourbon and in the end it was Vodka. Be sure I was absolutely smashed but it had been a good day for being shot in the neck.  
  
I am not sure when it was but somewhere Jarod was standing behind me, holding me not to fall from the stool. He paid the bill, that for sure. And I remember it wasn't an easy way from the bar to the car but we managed with a couple of breaks because I had to puke. On the street he had to stop several times, let me out of the car, running behind me, catching me, holding me when I puked and carrying me back into the car. At home, I spent most of the night over the toilet. But never alone. He was always behind me. Holding my hair back, rubbing my back, bringing me to bed afterwards. When I was in bed the first time, he changed my cloths to my pyjamas. I didn't care about him seeing my naked. I lay several minutes naked on the bed, during I advised him where he would find a fresh pyjama. I didn't care even when I felt a bit aroused the way he looked at me. I didn't say a word about my soft wetness ... also now when I picture him naked in front of me. We are both adult but acting like kids around each other! Isn't it crazy thinking about another guy naked when you got ravished a couple of days ago.  
  
After this night he stood at my house for the next couple of days taking care of me. He phoned Syd to tell him that I am not well. Syd was sorry for me, also Debbie called me to ask how I was. But my daddy didn't call once. Jarod softly wished away the tears when I told him about that I don't understand why daddy isn't calling.  
  
It was a moment in time, we were acting like adults. We are adults! He's the only one I really loved all my life but I gave up this love for the Centre to catch him, to hurt him.  
  
He stayed till he was sure that I was able to catch him again, or at least to try to catch him. To do my best not to catch him, maybe?  
  
The morning I went back to the Centre for work I only found a note next to me:  
  
I'll always be there for you Mary Eve,  
  
always and forever,  
  
even if you are not able to call me,  
  
I will know it!  
  
Love, J.  
  
Since this moment it was clear that I would never catch him. 


	6. Chapter 5 - The Show Must Go On !

Disclaimer: they all don't belong to me ... only the thoughts are mine  
  
Spoiler: non of course  
  
Rated: PG-13 I would say  
  
Writers note: Why this title you'll maybe ask yourself and the answer is simple when you've started to read this part of my fiction. Live isn't easy!  
  
  
  
**************  
  
CHAPTER 5 - THE SHOW MUST GO ON  
  
**************  
  
„It's not the man who knows the most who has the most to say.  
  
1 It's not the man who has the most who gives the most away!"  
  
(By a person I love a lot, but I don't want to mention the name here. She knows that she'll be one of the person I trust most, one of the best friends. )  
  
***************  
  
2 Maybe I'd fallen asleep sitting next to the window where I watched raindrops falling against the window. He loved the rain, making him feel free. Once he told me that he saw rain the first time when he escaped, the first time!  
  
3 I woke up when his fingers slowly touched my face. I turned around and saw him standing behind me.  
  
Slept well? he asked me with his soft and calm voice. I nodded. I slept well, no nightmare.  
  
Got everything you want Jarod?  
  
Of course. he went to the table where the bags were situated and put some stuff out of them. Firstly he handed me a sandwich with Mortadella. I thought that I wasn't hungry but when I had it in my hands, smelling the Mortadella, I felt my stomach growling. I ate it without desire, fast and without thinking. He just smiled at me. This usual smile when he was happy. Happy.  
  
So you were hungry ...   
  
I haven't eaten for days. I snarled in this common deep voice. He always had to laugh when I was speaking like that. So now too.  
  
Next to handed me one of the bags. I stood up and went to the bed with it. He had bought me something to wear: a pair of black Lewis 501, two pullovers one dark red the other one in green both in wool with a V and underwear of course. Not the expensive one I usual wore but more or less the same, silk and lace. He knows me well.   
  
I took one of the underwear sets and tried to take it on, in front of him. I felt he got nervous and went to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I had to smile. Now he was shocked about how open minded I am?  
  
After a couple of minutes I was finished. Some of the wounds still hurt but I couldn't do anything. I just put on the redish pullover and told him that I had finished and could come in again if he would want to.  
  
How long do you want to stay here Jarod?   
  
Not that I wouldn't want to stay at all but the room wasn't very enjoyable when I was thinking about him sleeping on the floor all night.  
  
Till you've finished.   
  
I am finished. I answered in surprise.  
  
Parker I meant these ... and he took to small packages out of the last bag.  
  
I told you that we have to run some tests. The only thing I could get here in this small town were those two pregnancy tests. I thought it would be good to run this test twice that's why I took two, to be sure of the result. I mean not that you can be 100 percent ...   
  
Okay Jarod I got what you want to say.   
  
Shit now I have to face me with this stuff. I don't want to run them, I have never been good in waiting, waiting for results which could change your life completely.  
  
Give them to me. I headed to the bathroom.  
  
Do you want me to go with you?   
  
But when he had said this words, I still had closed the bathroom door.  
  
Not be nervous Parker. Stay cool. Cool.   
  
I leant against the back of the bathroom door, slid down to sit on the floor. Just a few minutes.  
  
Clear your head. Stay cool. It will not be worse.   
  
I read the instruction of both. They were a bit different. I did them and out both skewer on the sink.  
  
You'll know it in half an hour. Stay cool. You never had a positive one in a lifetime.  
  
I opened the door and went out to see Jarod sitting over a big streetmap.  
  
Finished? he asked me and I just nodded. I was finished, also my nerves. I was nervous. Nervous to get in touch with the truth. What will the truth bring us?  
  
How are you?   
  
I would say okay. His chocolate teddy bear eyes stared at me in disbelieve.  
  
You are right I am not okay. I am nervous, very nervous.   
  
How is your belly doing now? Better?   
  
Just a bit wired and now also nervous. It turns me crazy to wait.   
  
I understand. How long do we have to wait?   
  
Half an hour.   
  
I sat down on the chair next to him, slowly not to disturb him searching something at the map with this indexfinger.  
  
Jarod ... ? He was looking at me now, eye to eye Do rapists normally protect?   
  
Hell I was nervous. It wasn't the first time I ran such a test but my monthly never was very reliable . But I have never been as nervous as today, as now.   
  
He looked at me, not sure what I want to say. He was like an open book to me. He hadn't to say a word and I know the answer, I could read it in his eyes.  
  
Sometimes Parker, sometimes. Stay calm. It'll not be that bad!   
  
Hopefully he was right! I was slid around the chair. It was really hard to wait.  
  
A big silence came. The room was so calm. I only heard the raindrops falling down against the window. I took the chair to the window and watched them, silently.  
  
  
  
Sometime I felt two strong hands on my shoulders. It's him, I thought.  
  
Let's have a look Parker. Time is over. I nodded.  
  
I stood up, slowly made a last look out of the window.  
  
Do you want me to go with you?   
  
Of course Jarod. I will need your help here. I smiled, tried to.  
  
He gave me his hand and went in front of me to the bathroom. I didn't want to give his hand free. Not now. Don't be so nervous Parker, you can't influence the result.  
  
I didn't want to look at the test skewers, not now and not in hundred years.  
  
If you want to know the result you also have to look at them! he reminded me. He was right, I know.  
  
Slowly I took one from the sink . It was blue. What means blue again? I looked at Jarod. He was standing next to me. I could hear him breath. He didn't smile. Why not? It was obvious when I took the second skewer in my hand, it as pink, dark pink.  
  
What now? I wasn't able to say a word. Shit! How could all that happen?  
  
He turned around, faced me. I wasn't even able to cry. I would have to go to a real doctor. I couldn't take it! He embraced me, hold me tight.  
  
We'll take that Parker, you are a strong woman! he whispered in my ear.  
  
I can't! I told him, whimpering. Why wasn't he surprised?  
  
We ... you have a lot of time Parker, a lot of time to think about it. It's your decision!   
  
I wasn't able to answer. I wasn't able to say a word. Stunned. Normally I would go and get a drink and some more after news like that one. Today Jarod stopped me when I took the bottle in my hand and wanted to open it.  
  
Not yet Parker. You have to take care of you two. And you have to have a clean had to make a careful decision.   
  
Jarod who says that I will get this child at all?  
  
What can this child for the way it was made? He wanted to face me but I went to the window and opened it, felt the raindrops falling on my head. I couldn't face him right now.  
  
But it would remind me all it's life of how it was made! I got though. My tears mixed with the rain, I couldn't stand it and starts sobbing loudly.  
  
And? ... Wouldn't you love it?   
  
I can't! I shouted at him. I am not sure why I did it but I was so devastated.  
  
Why was he always right? It's right that this kind can't be blamed for how it was made.   
  
Jarod put his hands again on my shoulders. I could hear his breath at my neck. He was standing tight. Embracing me from behind. His chin now rested on my shoulder.  
  
Don't you take the pill? He asked. I know it's not my business, I only ask. You haven't to answer.  
  
He could hear the truth. Why not. It wasn't a big secret.  
  
I stopped the pill soon after you escaped and I got my ulcer. I couldn't face him before my next comment was out of my mouth. For my One Night Stands I always use condoms, to be safe. You know what I mean?   
  
What was I thinking when I said that?   
  
I am not a stupid little boy anymore Parker. Remember I was working as a sex therapist once.   
  
I will never forget that Jarod. All the stuff you sent me. I had to laugh.  
  
The man with less knowledge about sex than everybody I know was really working as a sex therapist. How could I forget a fact like that?   
  
It was still raining. The sky was darker than ever now, something like black.  
  
I would give a Penny for your thoughts! he said. His arms were rapped around my waist softly.  
  
Only a Penny? I laughed. He was so different from the guys I normally met and dated. He was the only one who cared about my feelings.  
  
I am thinking about the test results Jarod. I slowly touched his warm hands with my fingers.  
  
I am sure you do. he said that rapped me nearer to him. I felt good this way, even if he was so close to me. Parker he's the best you can ever get. He's the only one who loves the person you are and not you might be.   
  
You've all the time you need Parker.   
  
I don't. As longer I was as harder it will get – for me.   
  
That's right. A couple of friends from Boarding School waited too long, till they weren't able anymore to get a abortion. The bandage between them and the baby was too strong.  
  
You are right but you can't change the result. He was right I know but what shall I do now? Wait till it's too late?  
  
He was slowly rocking us both a bit. Both watching the rain.  
  
How would you decide if you have to?   
  
You would be a great mother?   
  
He couldn't have spent a minute about thinking of the answer.   
  
How do you know? He stopped rocking us.  
  
You are a great woman, and you have such a lot of love to give!   
  
How ... ?   
  
Maybe he's right, maybe. Everybody is dead I ever loved.   
  
You okay? He asked me.  
  
Yeah!   
  
No I was not okay of course. How could I be okay at all? I am pregnant of a rapist. One of three.   
  
I closed my eyes. I only felt Jarod arms around my waist. His soft big hands. But when he put his hands away, I could feel their thrusts into me. I grabbed his arms and put them back. I felt safe this way. Was all that really the revenge for my career as a woman. For all the relationships I ruined because of sleeping with a variety of men?  
  
No Jarod I am not okay! I am pregnant of a guy I don't even know, who thrusted into without any passion, not even lust.   
  
He just put his hands tighter around me.  
  
One more child without a father!   
  
How could these words roll so fastly down my tongue?   
  
I don't mean to ...   
  
You are right Parker.   
  
You don't understand. I never thought of getting pregnant again at all. It was so hard after loosing the twins for me. I had nobody to help me. I was isolated in Austria. If I ever would get pregnant, in my plans, I would have quit all the lines with the Centre and started a life as an ordinary woman. I sobbed. You can't know what the Triumvirate plans for tomorrow!   
  
I know it will not be easy for you Parker. How could it? You'll not be able to hide your pregnancy long. The Centre has spies in nearly every country. You have to know it. So tell me where they aren't yet?   
  
What do you mean?   
  
I mean in which country does the Centre has no friends!   
  
God that questions wasn't easy to answer! Was it Argentina? China? Russia? ....   
  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ R&R ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
next part: which will it be? how will Parker decide? who will hunt them? 


	7. Chapter 6 - I'm Alive

Rated: NC-17 let's say because of my thoughts :) but here in Vienna we have different rating systems.  
  
Author's note: I know that the story isn't what many meant to read in the beginning, it's no slash or stuff like that.  
  
This Part was inspired by a Celine Dion song, of course, from her new album. The song is number one on the CD and called, like this chapter "I'M ALIVE". If you know the song, you know why I like it.  
  
I want to show here Parker's mixture of feelings, that it's not as simple as it seems!  
  
**************  
  
CHAPTER 6 – I'M ALIVE  
  
**************  
  
There are only two tragedies in life – to get what you want and not to get what you want. (O.Wilde)  
  
**************  
  
Parker think! At the moment our goal is the Canadian boarder. I owned in the very North a cabin. But which country?   
  
It's not that easy Jarod. I sat next to him.  
  
To many countries were involved in the Centre affairs. It wasn't only America, I knew but I was shocked how many were involved when I read the list first.   
  
Do you have paper and pencil? I looked at him. I just want to note the countries.  
  
He handed me paper and pen, an ordinary pen. Long ago since I had stuff like that in my hand.  
  
Okay I am not sure if I can remember all ... so many ... okay ... we have the USA with the Centre, Russia – the Faculty , Italy – La Firma, France – L'Agencia, England – The Company, Germany – Das Zentrum ... I know Brasilia has also one and Argentina is the head of the South American. I am not sure about Chile. I remember a memo about a new one in Romania and Finland. I had written down all the names and put the pencil on the table.  
  
Are you nervous Parker? I put my hands in the lap. You are more than nervous.   
  
You seem to be surprised! I looked at him.  
  
Such a lot? He took the sheet of paper into his hands and looked at it nervously.  
  
Thought that we were the only one? Don't be stupid. The Centre just had the best Pretender of all - you! I told him. These words didn't escape easily.  
  
These are all of them?   
  
I am not sure Jarod I told him maybe 2 or 3 are missing. I never thought about needing them.   
  
He smiled at me. Is this a good smile or a bad one?   
  
There is also something in Australia but I am not sure if it's established yet.   
  
I put my hands on my forehead. I war tired. It was late, 3am maybe. I lost time, so also my watch. They haven't given it back to me after they raped me.  
  
Parker? I heard his voice through the loneliness of the room.  
  
Yes .... ? I was not really in this room. I was far away.  
  
Let's discuss it later. You look tired. You have to take care of you and sleep a bit. We'll be in Canada in a couple of hours. If you don't care you could sleep in the car while I am driving. He put his hand on my shoulder. And think about the baby.  
  
******  
  
~ somewhere on the way to the North of Canada ~  
  
Where were now fore more than one and a half day on the street. I am not feeling that well. We only made some short stops for toilette, food and water. I am thinking a lot about you Brutus. I know Brutus is a stupid name but I want to give you a name and talk to you. You have to know that all that isn't easy for me. To get you or not – what's right? I haven't yet finished my so simple life. I mean it had never been simple but if you are on earth, if I will decide it, that it will be more complicate than ever. I have never thought of becoming domesticate. And you were really not planned Brutus. I am not sure what to do now! If the guy next to me would be your father, I wouldn't care of all the stuff but he isn't. Unfortunately. He's just a friend. You know how you happened. Don't you?   
  
Jarod do you think we could handle a baby?   
  
Why do I ask him? He's not the father remember!  
  
It will not be easy to be honest Parker, not in the beginning. You will not be able to run all the time, maybe only 4 to 6 months at all. It will soon be to much for you and the baby. I hope that we'll find a place where the baby can be born.   
  
He said with such a monotone voice.  
  
And afterwards?   
  
Parker don't be nervous about the answer you'll get now. I can't run away all my life with you Brutus!  
  
I don't know. Maybe they'll give up catching us somewhere in time. Than you and your baby would be able to live an "ordinary" life.   
  
Why wasn't he including himself in this? Don't ask him Parker, you'll not like the answer! Behave you Parker! Think about every small word you'll say next! If he lets you down, behave god, than you've lost the game. ... you can't live with your child at the Centre, you don't know what they'll do to you and Brutus. ... Brutus they'll not hurt you if I'll get you.   
  
Tell me Pros and Cons about getting this child! I looked at him. Please  
  
Come on Parker is this a must?   
  
I staid calm, calmer than ever, wanting to get in though with his thoughts.  
  
Yes of course!   
  
Was it too harshly? I saw he was thinking. What was he thinking?  
  
Okay Parker. Pros are of course that children are one of the most amazing gift of life. They are great, wonderful and enjoyable. It's amazing to see them watching you, have them near, raise them, see them growing up getting a teenager.  
  
He was right but it wasn't that easy. Or?  
  
You could give him all the love you have to give. I swear that nobody will ever hurt you two.  
  
He includes himself now. Isn't he?  
  
I looked at him surprised and I was it absolutely. I have never thought of hearing such beautiful words from him, not from him. I had count on many words but never with these.  
  
And the Cons? I tried to sound serious.  
  
It will slow us down. You'll become bigger. You'll be more bothersome than ever. You would have to quit smoking and drinking - alcohol and coffee!   
  
Doesn't sound good to me!   
  
And of course Parker you would have to learn to cope with the rape. It's not that easy in the end. You would have to learn to love it as much as if it would have happened in an act of lust!  
  
He sounded so open to me, like I could read what he was thinking.  
  
The next question wasn't easy to ask, I know, but I had to.  
  
What would you say if I decide to get an abortion?   
  
Was he shocked now? I don't think so. He was looking at me in this familiar I-know-you-Parker look and shook his head.  
  
Nothing! It's your decision. It's your body. It's your uterus.   
  
Be looked at me in not such a lovely way than before.  
  
But you know Parker that I don't think it's the right way to kill the embryo.   
  
That's what he thinks. Killing. Well... was he right? Maybe he was ... starts snowing again, stronger now. ... Maybe it's what I was thinking too. What shall I do with you Brutus?   
  
******************** R&R ******************  
  
So what will she decide? Brutus or not Brutus – that's the question?!  
  
Will they be hunted by the Centre – if yes by whom?  
  
Will they stay or will they not?  
  
--- so many open questions.  
  
Any comments on the story, ideas or whatever – featback more than wellcome. Send it to: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com or miss.paker@gmx.at  
  
Thanks to "Celine Dion" for her fantistic new album, it's really an inspiration! 


	8. Chapter 7 - Come What May

Rated: NC-17  
  
Author's note: I think it's a sad song "Come what may" so it's the right way to name this chapter.  
  
**************  
  
CHAPTER 7 - COME WHAT MAY  
  
**************  
  
* North of Canada – a small cottage *  
  
I am sorry that it's so small but I've never thought of visitors. He told me.  
  
I was walking through the cabin and it was really nice, familiar and a kind of cosy. In a way it was romantic but being romantic wasn't Jarod's. I like it I thought. Will be a nice time here, being next to each other.   
  
I like it Jarod. Don't excuse. It's warm and calm. What do you want more?   
  
I went back outside and brought my stuff into it. That's your life! I thought when I put up my small bag. Yeah it was my life, and it was good the way it was. Are you fine Brutus? I am really. Maybe we'll have some tea later?   
  
I grabbed the cup of tea Jarod brought me. I hadn't noticed him heating water at all. I was now standing at the window watching the snowflakes falling down. Seeing that the trees got a white blanket and the ground a thick quilt. When did you got so sentimental?   
  
Is there something like a TV or stuff like that?   
  
For god's sake Parker. Enjoy one's self for having a CD Tower, laptop and some good books.   
  
That wasn't that great but we'll work it out. Hey Brutus ... are you as hungry as I am?   
  
I got a sandwich Jarod made me and some tea, Herbal of course. It didn't took long till I was asleep, on the sofa in front of the fire.  
  
  
  
**************************  
  
  
  
* 3 weeks later *  
  
I woke up. It was early I know. Jarod was sleeping on the sofa. It was an agreement without spending a word on it, even if it hadn't been my idea. I didn't want to wake him up, but it happened.  
  
How are you Parker? He asked me, with a deep sleepy voice.  
  
I didn't want to wake you up. I said softly, brushing my hand trough his wild looking hair.  
  
Don't care. So how are you feeling that morning? Better today?   
  
Not really. Have been to the bathroom before. Do you know when it will stop?   
  
Since a week I have this horrible nausea stuff. It's awful. I thought you'll get it later but than I remembered the twins and the doctor told me there that it could happen that I react that fast on being pregnant. The only things I get here is herbal tea and bread, dark one. It's horrible. But Jarod is always there for me to take care of me.   
  
You need a haircut J. I told him, brushing him some more hair out of the face.  
  
Don't say a word. Yours got long too. I nodded with a smile.  
  
I sat on the couch next to him.  
  
Shut up Jarod and lay down. I told him and offered him to put his head on my lap.  
  
I wouldn't say that he got the hint, because it wasn't really a hint, only a kind of. I felt asleep to, maybe because of the baby like noise always makes when he fell asleep.  
  
****  
  
About three hours later I woke up because he had turned around. Now he was breathing against my belly. Oh god Jarod you are cute. Slowly he woke up too, maybe because I was moving softly a bit. He said nothing. He put one hand under my pullover, just to touch my belly with his big soft hands.  
  
You could do that more often!   
  
You are like a child Jarod. I said warmly.  
  
Why?   
  
You ask why? ... Funny ... I remember when I was pregnant with the twins, I started to show quite early ... well everybody wanted to touch my belly ... like you do now.   
  
He grinned at me, this bad boy one. His chocolate brown eyes ... of my goodness.  
  
Did you allow them to touch ... I interrupted him with a smile.  
  
Of course not Jarod. The only thing I wanted were those kids, no luck or stuff they were talking about.   
  
He smiled and asked Will you allow me to touch it later ?   
  
I said nothing, of course.  
  
If you'll take it I mean. He finished fastly.  
  
He caressed by belly slowly. The trousers where short and gave him full success.  
  
If you would know Jarod how much that turns me on. If you would know how much I would need something absolutely different, more intimate from you – let's call it a fuck, but making love would be better, longer lasting of course. ... How could I think of all that only after 4 weeks 'break' since I was raped? ... Is it your smell Jarod that makes me crazy?   
  
Of course I will. You never had the chance yet.   
  
Oh I had sure, Kyle you know. Unfortunately I don't remember it.   
  
Poor boy.   
  
I put my small hand on his warm and big one and moved it up and down my belly. It was still flat, but who long would that last?  
  
Isn't it something magical Jarod?   
  
What?   
  
Being pregnant, caring something into you.   
  
He just nodded.  
  
I am too sentimental for this word. Mum have you been the same? Shit I hope he'll get it soon before my moister soaks through my trousers. Please.   
  
I looked down at him. Oh god this eyes. .... be brave Parker and ask.   
  
Maybe ... maybe you are right ... He stammered.  
  
How do you mean that. Explain! I looked at him.  
  
If you would let me   
  
Okay ... I was a kind of shocked and a way of ... I don't know how to describe  
  
Now I smiled at him, the way I smiled after my climax, the one we had together.  
  
It will not last long till I show Jarod.   
  
And ? he asked  
  
I will not be able to run for long as you said before.   
  
He was rubbing my belly softly. His hands were so incredible tender. Feeling so right where they are.  
  
I will take care of you and ... and if you decide to get the baby it too.   
  
Thanks Jarod that means a lot to me.   
  
He laughed. What's up with this guy.   
  
Thanks god that it's not because of me that you have this morning sickness.   
  
That wasn't funny Jarod. I would do everything for having it this way, for judge you for my sickness and my backache for really everything, but it shall not be like I wished to have it.   
  
Be happy about that fact! I would have shot you between your two lovely chocolate eyes!  
  
He giggled. His hands slowly moved sidewise to my ribcage. I start to giggle too.  
  
Stop that ... that tickles ....   
  
He didn't stop. If he had he wouldn't be Jarod!  
  
  
  
************************ R&R *******************  
  
Chapter 8 == it's not that easy anyway. what's going on with Jarod? what is he thinking? why isn't he the same like before?  
  
COMMENTS welcome – also possible at: miss.parker@gmx.at 


	9. Chapter 8 - Then You Look At Me

Rated: okay ... * think * PG –13  
  
Author's note: Well it's also a title because of an Celine Dion song from the album "All the way". I think she sings incredible good songs ; ) so don't wonder if there are some mor songs used.  
  
This part devloped in a night I was in a pretty bad mood!  
  
Comments to: miss.parker@gmx.at  
  
**************  
  
CHAPTER 8 – THEN YOU LOOK AT ME  
  
**************  
  
*a day later – North of Canada *  
  
I will make you some herbal tea okay? he told me and went to the kitchen.  
  
Please Jarod.   
  
He put some water on the oven. I sat on the couch. My back was killing me. I was only 4 weeks pregnant but it hurt badly especially the last days. I always had troubles with my back since the accident with the twins.  
  
Is it that bad today?   
  
Not that bad, but thanks for asking.  
  
I have always been a good liar.   
  
Be honest Parker!   
  
Shit I need more training on that again!   
  
Like a kick in the ass ... it tries to kill me!   
  
He brought two cups of tea and put them on the coffee table.  
  
Lay down Parker and take off your shirt!   
  
What did the boy say to me? Take of your shirt ... well... I am not the prude but well I want more than just to take of my shirt.   
  
Why Jarod?   
  
For a rub   
  
He went to the bathroom and came back with a big towel and a small bottle in his hand.  
  
What's that Jarod?   
  
Oh ... just baby oil.   
  
Oh my goodness ... what will he do with the oil ... well I would have an idea but ...   
  
I bought it yesterday in the town for your back.   
  
Ah ... he had thought about that before ...  
  
I smiled even if that was a big crazy. Well crazy wasn't the correct word ... maybe nasty?  
  
So what about the shirt?   
  
I start to open the buttons and he went away. He stayed at the window. Didn't try to look at me, not even a second.  
  
Am I so shocking that you can't stand watching me opening my shirt?   
  
I looked at him, no response.  
  
Jarod ... Earth to Jarod?   
  
Finished? he just asked, no answer to my question.  
  
I unhooked my soft lace bra and laid flat down on the sofa, the towel around my bare breaths.  
  
Yes Jarod. He came and knelt down next to me. Do you trust me boy? I asked him.  
  
I can't see his face, unfortunately.  
  
Oh god I could get used to this hands! Oily and that on my skin ....   
  
Why do you ask?   
  
His hands were finding their way, up and down my spin.  
  
I have decided to get Brutus. I am sure that we'll find a nice place to give birth to.  
  
That was easy.   
  
Brutus?   
  
Yeah ... I gave it a name, makes it easy to except the pregnancy!   
  
His hands massaged the upper part of my back. It was amazing.  
  
But isn't it the wrong direction. Normally you get pregnant, give birth and than you decide a name.   
  
I don't want to name the baby afterwards Brutus. How could I do that? I giggled.  
  
I softly moaned.  
  
That's good ... god ... oh ... god  
  
That's better than sex.  
  
His hands found the way to the right point that was hurting such a lot.  
  
Oh god. Could you do me a favour and do it everyday. I said groaning.  
  
I closed my eyes. Maybe it's because of the overwhelming hormones in my body, but I wanted to feel his hands on my belly again, on my breaths and his lips on mine.  
  
What shall I do? I could get used to this hands as they would be a drug. I could also get used to feel his hands erecting my breaths. I noticed the slowly raising wetness in my paints. Save god!   
  
I thought about Ireland!   
  
Excuse me Jarod, what you've said? I was a bit in thoughts.   
  
Is it that hot in the room?   
  
Oh why not!   
  
What's up Parker?   
  
Nothing J., nothing.   
  
Hope so.   
  
Nothing was okay. But how should tell him what I want now? It wasn't that easy this time. It wasn't a game anymore. Times have changed and we're grown ups now. I am not 16 anymore and he's not 18. How shall I ask him to help me with my desires? But in a way he was like 20 years ago. This child is maybe my last chance to get out of the Centre and my last one to get a child. A child. Oh I haven't thought of all that for years, not in decades. The last time I was thinking about that I have been a child on my own.  
  
After my graduation as a lawyer in Austria I was sent back home. But the troubles started soon after the miscarriage. I started with drinking. Well alcohol was a something like a gift for me at this time. It helped me to forget, like it does nowadays. My daddy didn't want me to came back home. He wanted me to make my educational way and came back afterwards. But the alcohol wasn't the only thing. There were also men, a lot of men. It was also a way, not the best but one. I always was able to cozen men, it was easy for me – just a short skirt and an expensive blouse, a button to much opened. They normally paid for my drinks, and sex was their payment. I liked sex, just one night stands, but it wasn't a problem so to say. It was never like having sex with Jarod, god behave.  
  
I had seen Jarod 4 times in the last years before he escaped. These times I only begged him to hold me tight. He also kissed me but it wasn't the same anymore.  
  
I got my own house soon and all the stuff from my mum. And with the time I brought more men home and into my bed, and more Vodka, Whiskey, Wine and Gin.  
  
Why do you stop?   
  
I thought you were fallen asleep!   
  
But I am fully awake.   
  
Your eyes were closed girl.   
  
Shut up, forward with my back and trust me okay!   
  
No let's get finished with that now.   
  
No please.   
  
Shut up and put your cloths on again.   
  
Why? What happened? Have I said something during dreaming... ?  
  
  
  
********************** R&R *********************  
  
Chapter 9 ---------- wait a day and you'll know ... but it's not the end ... that will take longer .... you only have to wait for the new chapter :) 


	10. Chapter 9 - The Beauty and the Beast

Rated: PG –17  
  
Author's note: You know that I like Celine Dion a lot - so this is also named after one of her great songs! I know that this story is sad, partly but sometimes it's also humorous and interesting.  
  
Comments: miss.parker@gmx.at or mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
**************  
  
CHAPTER 9 – T H E B E A U T Y A N D T H E B E A S T  
  
**************  
  
Time went on. Another 3 weeks in the old and icy North of Canada. He was less at home, not interested in me or even talking to me. Not interested in you Brutus or in me. He doesn't care about us anymore.   
  
I for myself have decided to get the baby. It was the only thing I could do. And if I would get it alone, I don't care.  
  
He started a fire in the living room. It was cold and I was freezing a bit.  
  
Jarod what day is today?   
  
Why do you want to know that? With a unheeding voice.  
  
I smiled.  
  
To hear your voice ... nope ... only a joke ... I wanted to calculate a bit ... my due date I mean.   
  
Ah ...   
  
He smiled but it wasn't the smile I loved such a lot. It wasn't the baby grin! It was much more different and hard now.  
  
Today is December 3rd.   
  
Thank you and which day. I lost the time.   
  
Saturday.   
  
Thanks Jarod.   
  
He tried to go away, to leave me alone.  
  
Stop Jarod stop.   
  
He stopped abruptly, not smiling only with a strange and wild look on his face.  
  
What? He said harshly.  
  
I was afraid of how he would react, what would come next.  
  
Something changed and I don't like it.   
  
He turned around. Shit the look. I stood in front of the fire.  
  
Yes Parker I don't run and you don't try to catch me He shouted at me.  
  
Shit that was hard. He turned around and went out. That hurts! I went to the bedroom. That hurts! I closed the door behind me and slid down to the floor, the back to the closed door.  
  
Brutus my dear, I think we'll have to take it on our own. He doesn't want us. Now we are left alone.   
  
Tears were streaming down my cheeks. The light skin powder was ruined now. The room was not as sunny as the living room but it was my own area.  
  
I went to my cupboard, put out a bag and put all the stuff from me in it. It wasn't much. The last thing I did was heading to the mirror. You look good Mary. How about Brutus? I said to myself. I touched my belly, put my hand under my shirt. I didn't start to show yet but it was only a matter of time. It feels good to have you Brutus. I zipped my bag and headed out of my room, taking on my jacked. I went out into the snow. Jarod was nowhere to me seen. Thanks god that he's not here!   
  
It's cold out here, snowing hard. I went to the woods, the jacked pulling it tighter around me. It was pretty cold, more than cold.  
  
If something should happen to me or to you Brutus, you have to know that I really love you! I wasn't in the woods. In front of me only trees, lesser falling snow. You are my everything.   
  
The snow was more than 1 foot deep, it wasn't easy to go. I wasn't going I was running, running away from the world and what my future. Now I was in the woods. I stopped shortly, to get some breath. Your condition is bad. You should start running again Parker! It was cold. Breath Parker breath! I put my hand against a trunk, to get some breath. Breathing was hard.  
  
How could he say words like these to me? Tears were running down my face.  
  
Now it's your time to stop Parker. Stop and shut up Parker.   
  
He grabbed me at my appendix. Stop it Parker.   
  
I headed forward like I wouldn't feel the bruise he made with his fingers on my appendix, like I wouldn't notice him.  
  
Stop please ... Mary Eve Parker ... do me a favour .... stop and shut up. His voice was low, arrogating.  
  
I tried to start running but it was impossible, he hold me so tight. I could feel his breath against my neck. I started to freeze. Why are you so sensitive Parker if he's around you?   
  
Let me go Jarod, let me go.   
  
You like it when he holds you tight. Don't you?   
  
I'll not let you go, not you and not Brutus.   
  
He mentioned you Brutus, have you heard it?   
  
Be silent once please if not I will carry you back to the cottage.   
  
I was only on the way to say a word when I felt his arms around me, perking me up.  
  
No Jarod.   
  
He didn't answer me and I stopped fighting soon. It was obvious that he didn't want to put me down.  
  
You could hold me like that every day if you only want to Jarod. Your are the only one who was ever really in love with me, the only one who was able to ride me over the edge like that!  
  
Please Jarod I can't stand it anymore .... during the last weeks ... I don't want to be alone here anymore ... I have been to much alone during my short life yet.   
  
Calm down Parker. I am really sorry that it seemed to you like I would leave you. I could never leave you.   
  
But what do you want to say? I asked him. Parker don't be nervous.  
  
Let's just talk where it is warmer Parker, nothing more okay? he asked me and let me down on the porch. I needed a minute to get the balance again.  
  
We went in. It was really warm in there or was I so frozen?  
  
Let him say something nice please. Son of god he has masculine shoulders and he's so strong and so handsome. I sat on the couch and put my hands near the fire. I felt how the ice melt from my hair.  
  
What's gone wrong? I asked, glaring at him. I took the cup of tea he brought me and slid my fingers around the warm stuff, staring into the fire. Fire has always been something fascinating for me. I love it. Thanks god that I could afford an open one in my * own * bedroom at * home *   
  
It's such a lot you don't know Parker ... maybe it's that the Centre sent new hunters and it's not only your brother Lyle, it's also Raines and of course your father too. I was so shocked that he's now on this active side too. Or it's that I don't know what to do next at the moment. I am not sure ... I mean we can't do one mistake!   
  
So it's not me ... not that ... shit ...that ... you don't like me anymore? I couldn't look at him, that was too much now.  
  
During saying that I put his hand under my pullover. He has to feel what's going on in me. It's too much to tell. Maybe that's easier. My skin was burning when I felt his hand on my belly, it was like being 16 again.  
  
It will not be easy Jarod, not for me and not for you if you want me to stay with you. I will start to show soon that's my feeling on it. I don't know how much time we have now, maybe only a couple of weeks. Brutus is growing well and I know that I want him.  
  
His hand was so warm on my skin. I could die for that feeling, to have him like that forever and ever. Parker be brave and show him more! Maybe this genius guy just needs a hint   
  
Slowly I let his hand wander under mine up to my left breast.  
  
Look Jar. I said, putting his hand above my heart, so on my breast. What do you feel Jarod – my hard nipple or just my heartbeat? Now I am waiting. I hate waiting and you know that quite well!   
  
He looked at me in a mixture between nervous, shocked and amazed. I observed him and his reaction a bit. He did just hold me, hold my breast and did nothing. I could feel his pulse on my skin, his hand was so warm.  
  
Tell him what he should recognise! I looked into his deep brown chocolate eyes. He was such a handsome guy, fitting his trousers and shirts perfectly. The room was warm, the light of the open fire let shine in a bit reddish. It was something like a romantic surrounding. It made me feel good, made me feel like a woman, not only a huntress, not only a victim of my father's and not of anybody from the Centre. I was who I ever wanted to be – a woman and in less than a year a loving mother. I don't want to go back, to leave everything I have now, not now and not in the future. I am what I wanted to be, wanted to be!  
  
I feel your heartbeat be said with a smile on his lips.  
  
I looked at him. He doesn't seem to be very sure about what he just said to me, maybe knowing that it wasn't my heartbeat he should feel.  
  
You know Jar that it's not my heartbeat! I wasn't able to look in the chocolate brown eyes, saying that.  
  
Thanks god that it came out that easily.   
  
I could see a mixture between shock and smile blushing on his face. What will you do or say next Jar?   
  
Oh ... That's all he said, nothing more.  
  
Yes he said nothing more but he did well on doing something more effective. Could you run your thumb a bit slower about my rock hard nipples, it starts to hurt ... but I can't tell you that Jar because you might stop if I do so.  
  
His thumb was running fast and a bit furious over my nipple, the rest of the hand rested above my heart. You have to feel my pulse raising!  
  
Did I moan? I was thinking. Something had found it way outside the deep of my throat. If yes ... it's long ago since I had done it the last time Jar ... isn't that what you always wanted Parker ... how long is it since I felt this feeling growing inside me so fast? ... if you would know what I want more from you boy ... it can't be the only thing now ... you arouse me so badly ... but you have to make the next step ... it's your turn boy. Confusion.   
  
He stopped and was now * only * looking at me, his hand still holding my breast.  
  
Do you want to fuck me or wait much longer? I looked into his eyes, now tried to focus his thoughts.  
  
Not this look Jarod – I don't like it and you know that quite well ... what's going on in your little handsome brain?   
  
* NO * Parker he said harshly. He stood up and went to the window not facing me.  
  
What going on Jar? I mean you caress my breast in the one moment and run away in the next? What's going on and what's happening here?   
  
Jarod ... I ... I wanted to tell him what's going on in me when he interrupted me in such a unfriendly way, I wasn't used to remember him using ever before.  
  
No not Parker! Don't say a word.   
  
I stood up and moved next to him, slowly not to unsettle him to much. I really wanted to speak to him.  
  
What have I done wrong ... was my heartbeat to fast ... my moan to load ... what was it?  
  
It was just what you did and how you acted the last days!   
  
Have I said it loud before? I thought I was only thinking.  
  
It's also that your father is now out and hunting ... and it's not me who he's out for! It's you Parker ... you and your baby!   
  
What?   
  
But ... I wanted to say.  
  
Don't say a word now ... shut once up in your life ... If you want to be hold – tell me but don't act in this way with me, it's childish. I am not 18 anymore and you're not 16. Nowadays I know what stuff comes next.   
  
So you don't want to ... want me be hold tight ... not ... not kiss me and do other things?  
  
I started to gasp silently.  
  
What have I done or said in the wrong way to make him so upset? So you know what I want from you? I thought I wasn't only trained to be a lawyer! I am also an observer, a good one .... I saw the bulk in your trousers when you touched me. I couldn't say that loudly.  
  
It's time to go a bit further Parker  
  
Parker .... he tried to say something when I got proactive – I pulled the pullover over my head and hold it in my left hand, standing with my bare chest in front of him. My teats were erected, unable to be overlooked.  
  
Do you know what that means? I asked him harshly and rough.  
  
I was too fast for him, putting my hand on the bulk, rubbing it hard.  
  
I am not stupid Parker He tried to sound serious but he didn't, not to me. Do me a favour he continued. Parker!   
  
I looked into his eyes, starring into him. Please let me surrender all that!  
  
Everything you want me to do Jar. I smiled at him.  
  
Stop rubbing my cock that way.   
  
Why? Do you prefer another way?   
  
Since when are you so * ordinary * and direct? His breath was getting faster, heavily.  
  
I like to feel your hard cock in my hand.  
  
He took a deep loud breath. I don't want to loose what we have now. another deep breath. The friendship that we have now is special.  
  
What shall I answer to that Jar ... to give you an appropriate answer?   
  
I don't want a loveship either! I said.  
  
Oh I wanted one with every cell of my body.   
  
I just wanted to have good hard sex! Nothing more than that!  
  
I looked up in his face, constantly rubbing his cock and kneading his balls in the other hand. And I was smiling at him, like a child getting ice cream.  
  
No sex Parker and stop that now. He said more harshly than before but with a deeper voice.  
  
I want him so badly ... why can't he even think about trusting into me ... riding me over the edge?   
  
I just was thinking of having good sex before giving birth to Brutus ... have a positive ending contact to have a positive stance before ... nothing more!   
  
What was so stupid on that Jar? I mean you have fucked me before that too! ... since when am I so lukewarm? Oh yeah ... since this special night and my lost afterwards.  
  
You don't know what you're saying Parker. You aren't yourself! He hissed at me.  
  
If you would know how much I am who I am, not hiding anything for ages. I looked straight into his wonderful eyes – I could melt right where I was standing. You know Brutus that I want nothing more for you than being loved in every way. So mum want's to be loved too. I grinned in that goofy why while I let my inner voice tell Brutus this lines.  
  
Don't you like what you see Jar? I tried to look like a hurt puppy.  
  
It's not important what I want or what I like!   
  
It does Jarod! Just answer my question now! I said sharply.  
  
I wanted an answer and the right one of course. My hand was still on his trousers. What can I do if it's not the right one? Squeeze him a bit?  
  
You are a wonderful woman Parker ... with a big heart ... and with a wonderful and breathtaking ... I couldn't let him finish this sentence.  
  
I covered my mouth and ran into the bathroom. Always in the right situation Parker!  
  
I puked. Morning sickness developed in an all day sickness. My stomach was empty now, wasn't it? I was kneeling over the toilet, trying to get some breath. Suddenly I felt a pair of hands rubbing my back.  
  
It's not that you don't taste me 'Mary' I only think that that it's not right. You shouldn't have a relationship with such a fucked up guy like me now. You should concentrate of taking care of you and the baby.   
  
Between taking some breath I taste you? And I had to puke again.  
  
Of course you do, you always did but that doesn't matter right now. I only want you to get a healthy baby ... in peace.  
  
He put a quilt around my shoulders which I brought to the bathroom during last night. I felt his strong arms on my shoulders. Amazing.  
  
I mean Jarod .... It was no fun before ... I want to have good sex, just one passionate night ... I'm pregnant and Brutus is all I have now. I want to forget how he happened. I finished fast. I looked at him. And if you aren't interested or you do not want it's okay with me – I'll go town and find somebody for my ONS.   
  
ONS?   
  
One Night Stand!   
  
He looked at me – shocked and angry.  
  
You don't mean to ...?  
  
Yes I do. You know me. I always get what I want.   
  
Yes you do. But why me? I grinned mischievous.  
  
Because you are the best kisser and fucker I know.   
  
I would give a penny for his thoughts ... tons of pennies.  
  
Thanks but you can't compare this first quick time to ...  
  
What?  
  
That's what you think about the our night? – just a quickie? I shouted.  
  
Oh god behave of course not. I emptied again, listening to his words clearly.  
  
So tell me what had it been for you Jar?   
  
He looked at me unbelievingly. Tell me correct answer Jarod.  
  
Do I really have to tell you what it meant to me Parker?   
  
I nodded, unable to speak, just watching him getting up from the floor and bringing me a glass of water. He smiled when he handed it in.  
  
Mary it was the best time of all.  
  
I get up from the toilet and sat on the edge of the bath tube. I looked in his eyes intensively.  
  
More please. I said softly, as nice as possible, in a deep slow way.  
  
Your shirt was that short ... that I could see your breasts nearly and the trousers .... that tight that I was able to see every muscle of yours when you robbed through the vents in front of me.   
  
What shall I say more? He's the most wonderful and incredible honest guy you've ever met Parker and you met a lot of guys.  
  
Your lips were that soft, your tongue so wild and your nipples as erected as the moment we came into the bath here.  
  
Oh my goodness .... what do you imagine Jarod ... to arouse me boy? I can feel the wetness raise up between my sporty tights. What's your plan boy?  
  
I remember to kiss your bellybutton and getting southward. Than robbing to a larger vent tube, loosing your cloths slowly and your invitation to ... join you. I also remember that it was not to nice for you when I trusted into you. I hurt you – you didn't moan ... you screamed silently when I tried to comfort you. His voice was getting slower, deeper and more into thinking and remembering these pictures.  
  
I hadn't have these exact pictures ... wasn't this guy embarrassing?   
  
But pain ended after the first stroke. I answered shyly.  
  
Yes you came quite fast for my imagination.  
  
Hey you are a 'big boy' I smiled at him.  
  
I also remember the small dark black nevus' under your panties on the inside of your left thigh.   
  
And?   
  
I couldn't want anymore ... I could come right now if I would want to!  
  
We had finished quite fast in my mind.   
  
It was our both first time ...   
  
... playing the game of adults. He finished my sentence.  
  
You were that tight Parker ... I was afraid of hurting you.  
  
But pain can bring you over the edge. I said with a goofy smile.  
  
There was a small silence now. We both know why. I feel fantastic that he enjoyed it as much as I did and remembers it of course. What do you want more?  
  
Why didn't you come again? he asked deep voiced.  
  
Good question.  
  
I was sent back to Vienna the next day.   
  
I remember they moment clearly when Daddy told me that I have to go back. I didn't want to but he forced me to. I cried all the night. Nobody was there to talk with, not even Syd because the topic was too hot even for Syd ... Syd.  
  
But you were just at home for a couple of days!   
  
I know, 3 to be exact. I looked at him, my eyes aqueous.  
  
They must have noticed something .... he said chary.  
  
Maybe you screamed to loud when you came Jar? I said jokingly.  
  
Possible ... you remember that scream?   
  
That's getting funny now.   
  
How could I forget you screaming my name so loud and so deep. Shortly after you stopped you bite me into my lip when you tried to cover my mouth.   
  
Sorry. But it wasn't too effective at either –you screamed as loud as I did!   
  
Jarod is laughing – about you maybe Parker. At this moment you should ....   
  
I think we should end up here but you are right I shouted your name ....   
  
During that your inner muscles imprisoned me ... so hard ... unable to let me pull out ... that mistake of mine caused you a lot of pain later. Sorry ...   
  
Don't say Jarod ... the following 6 months were the best of my life.   
  
Till now Brutus? Don't cause her that pain again!   
  
I smiled at him. He's just perfect.  
  
It's cute how you talk with him.  
  
Kiss me Jarod ... kiss me   
  
He didn't just went with a big smile out of the bathroom.  
  
  
  
--------- R&R PLS -----------------  
  
Chapter 10 is coming soon. :) 


	11. Chapter 10 - Right in front of me

Author's note: Like most of the time inspired by a Celine Dion song from her new album called "Right in front of you".  
  
Rating: NC-17  
  
Archive: just made my own page, so you can read it there too, which is nice but at the moment not perfect. You can also send me your story and I will post it there.  
  
Homepage: http://missparkerjarod.hollywood.com  
  
Email: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com & miss.parker@gmx.at ( feel free to send me email  
  
*****************  
  
CHAPTER 10 - RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU  
  
*****************  
  
The one is the bathroom was Jarod, but without kissing me he went out. I mean it was a big step, even for Jarod, to speak that open with me, he wasn't used to do that too often. Normally he just teased me a lot but nothing familiar had ever escaped the full and wonderful lips of him.  
  
So Brutus my dear, Jarod just went into the woods today, and you know what that means for us? We'll get the fun we want to have, just a quickie like I told you last time.   
  
Brutus was my own and everything now. I know that Jarod would never make love to me the way I wanted him to do it – now! So it was time to find it somewhere else.  
  
Daddy will not be at home before midnight, so we've a plenty of time to get it fixed.   
  
Did just the word "Daddy" escaped my mouth so fast?   
  
I looked out of the window, my palm on the hard belly. It's going fast, faster than with the twins, but the situation is very different.  
  
It's really going fast, the belly is more than hard, and if you knew that I was pregnant, you also notice the swollen belly. I was not willing to hide my luck anymore. Why should I?  
  
So Brutus, he left us the car so we'll go to down to buy us something nice to wear. We can't go out in cotton underwear, jeans and a lovely pullover not of him, not if we want to have a good quickie.   
  
It was snowing lightly. I got used to the white cover. I started to like it, really. Before that excursion I always hated the cold and wet weather, but now I really loved the calm and seeing the snow flakes fall down – it was such a symbol of freedom, like raindrops.  
  
I mean Brutus it's not that he doesn't like you baby, it's just that he doesn't feel the same for me like I do for him. My hand was wandering at my belly, slowly up to my breasts. It's just that I have never stopped to love him in all those long years. He means everything to me, but he has changed a lot. He's not the lab-rat any more, he's a normal man, with a big loss in his life but I am not the one who can fill it, we aren't the one who .... well maybe but he'll not let us try it ... anyway ... we have to go to town!   
  
By breasts were getting a bit harder too. I loved my breasts when I was pregnant with the twins. Not that they got much bigger or stuff like that but fuller. I was told by the doc, shortly before the accident, that I would start to lactate to early. I didn't care. I will be to early this time too?   
  
I grabbed my coat, some bills and the car keys and went out. I hadn't driven a car since the rape, so I wasn't too fast on the street.  
  
The town wasn't big, just a couple of shops, two pubs and a bank – pretty small in my mind. There were two cloth shops. I decided to go to the more expensive one – to be honest both weren't really my taste of cloths either.  
  
So I went in the one. The shopkeeper was more or less friendly and I asked for a short combination. She firstly only gave me a strange look but than showed me two: a short red silk cocktail dress with a deep, more or less slut like décolleté. You are too good for that Parker, you are! And the other one was a short dark red silk skirt with s high side cut and a black silk blouse. I decided the second one and asked for underwear. She went with me to the back part of the shop and showed me the limited variety of undies. Oh my goodness I am only pregnant and not a granny or something ... no not granny style underwear today!  
  
Do you have something with lace? Maybe in black?   
  
The shopkeeper blushed a bit and guided me to the last corner of the shop, well hidden. There I found a variety of black lace and silk underwear. I think I took the most expensive one, 5 pairs of them – black lace strings and lace bras, one was push up. Not that I need d a push up but I liked them a lot, and men did. I also got stockings.  
  
I paid for that stuff, not less but I didn't care, like always. And went on to another shop. I also got some makeup and hair conditioner, bath salt and body milk. If you do it today night it shall be perfect.   
  
I went home, it was around 3pm, and let how water ran into the bath tube. I've always been a water rat. I put some bath salt into it, brought a cup of tea into the bath in went in the hot and steaming water.  
  
Do you like that Brutus? I love it. I always fells great, feeling the small waved of water on your skin. It's so natural. I am sure you like it. I let my hand rest on my belly. It's only a matter of time till he fells in love with you babe, only a matter of time. It's a new situation for him too.   
  
I leant back, closed my eyes and fell asleep. Sleeping in the bath tube was always great because it was dreamless, always. But after about half an hour the water went cold and I felt uncomfortable. I shaved my *long* legs before I went out of the bath and finished my nearly cold tea. Never thought that I could live without coffee ... Jarod it's only because of you that I can!   
  
Now I was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, the only room with a mirror. I was standing there naked. Look Brutus that's you! I thought touching my belly.  
  
Time was going on and I was standing there, now in underwear, watching my body. Has something changed since the rape? Only one small bruise was left – a thin red line at my left inner tight.  
  
My belly was harder and to be honest you could see Brutus a bit, but only if you know. How longer I watched myself in the mirror the more obvious Brutus became to me – not a ghost or something like that anymore.  
  
I went into the living room, to have a look at the watch. It was going to be nearly 6pm.  
  
Ok if I want to be on time, to be in the town before 8pm I have to get dressed now.   
  
I went into the bathroom again, with my new skirt, stockings and the blouse. The new underwear felt great. Silk is better than everything else on my skin. This one fits perfectly! I told myself.  
  
You get big B. I said giggling. Isn't it a bit soon? I let my hand wander around my belly Sooner than with the twins ... the situation is different ... I have nothing to hide anymore ... I am so much older now!  
  
It's great to know you Brutus, wonderful – the sense of life!  
  
Now I am not alone anymore, not anymore, never will be!  
  
I started to fix my hair, in the soft curled way, Jarod liked such a lot. He had once told me on the phone, shortly after Thommy's death, that he loves my hair this way – they would soften me. Soften ...  
  
In front on the mirror I had to notice that I was looking like woman again. Feel great to be who you've ever been again!   
  
I got into the skirt, the stockings with the elastic lace, and my new blouse. The new cloths fit me perfectly.  
  
Blouse in or out B.? I asked myself. That wasn't an easy decision. And answers from B. were rare, mostly I answered my own questions in my thoughts and I was thinking a lot at the moment.  
  
I tried the "in" version and the "out" one. Let wear it outside. Not everybody has to notice the belly, if they would notice it....? Don't give them a chance.   
  
Okay it's nearly 7 now and we've to leave soon B. I will get us something to eat now and than we'll finish make up and go to have "our" fun.   
  
I made myself a small toast with ham, cheese and tomatoes and I wanted to leave Jarod a note – only to say that I am okay.  
  
Okay what to write now? I can't tell him that I want to have sex and that's why I went to town today .... nope .... difficult ... you aren't a big help B. today!   
  
In the end my note was very short, my handwriting not perfect.  
  
"Just gone to town,  
  
P. "  
  
What should I write else on the paper. I thought that must be enough information, if he would be back home before me.  
  
  
  
******  
  
When I went into the small pub, all the men were staring at me. I could feel their looks on my décolleté, some on my long legs, some also on my soft curled hair. I allowed myself a fast look around in the pub. I found a bar hooker which I took.  
  
The looks feel fucking good. Like in the good old times!   
  
I sat on the hooker, felt amazing to be in a pub again. And it only took a couple of seconds till the first candidate entered my space.  
  
What can I get you? he asked softly. I think he wasn't from Canada, not even from an English speaking country. He had a small accent, the accent was cute, but they guy wasn't. He was a around 5 feet 5 big, smaller than me. These guys were never mine, smaller than me.  
  
Good old Bushmills I said to the guy. Please I smiled at him.  
  
The guy was smiling back, but doesn't seem to interested in me - just the first look, and to stand near me, maybe.  
  
Johnny get the Lady what she wants! he said loudly to the barkeeper.  
  
It went on like that the whole night. Not absolutely sure, but more than 10 different glasses of Bushmills had met my lips through the hours. Normally that wouldn't be too much but I am 'out of training'. I was drunken, sure, and I was flirting with every guy in this damned pub.  
  
Looking around I noticed more men than when I came in, sitting in this pub. I noticed that I was drunken when the guys started to touch my crossed legs after buying me a drink. But I was still able to think clear – even shot in the neck.  
  
Now it was something after midnight, I noticed the bells of the clocktower ringing. Now a guy was standing in front of me, a * new * one with a new glass of Bushmills in his hand.  
  
What are these guys thinking about me? Would be interesting what they think during buying all those drinks. I am not drinking cheap stuff, never did. And they aren't trying to touch me in an intimate way, most of them. Only some have tried to get into a conversation.  
  
The boy handed me the drink. If he was old, he was 22 maybe a year younger.  
  
Thanks I said.  
  
What's your name honey?   
  
Honey, what game are we playing. Stay cool Parker, he's just an older teenager – you want to have fun tonight, let him write the book!   
  
Parker   
  
That's not a name hon. He said, smiling at me.  
  
But everybody calls me like that! I said softly.  
  
And what's your real name?   
  
I looked at him. This boy had red hair and soft green eyes. But his eyes weren't contacted to mine, they were only wandering around my décolleté.  
  
Mary Eve I answered shyly.  
  
I will call you Mi if you don't care!   
  
I don't care I smiled at him.  
  
Mi? What a curious nick? There was nobody who had ever given me a nick, except Jarod who always called me Mary or sometimes Eve, but rarely.   
  
I tried to smile at him, but it was getting harder from second to second. I felt one of his hands slowly moving to my shoulder the other one working up and down my crossed tights. Slowly, without thinking a lot, I uncrossed my legs and he stepped between them. Now he was only standing a breath away from me.  
  
You are drunken Parker but able to think clear, clearer than normal!   
  
What's your name boy? I asked with a deep voice.  
  
I felt his breath against my cheeks, moistened and wet. His hand on my body but it didn't really arouse me, only slowly. Not like when Jarod is touching me, when he touched me.  
  
Sean he answered.  
  
Irish? I smiled.  
  
He just nodded. His hand was wandering from my tight more and more up to my panties and the other hand worked its way down to my breast. I let his thumb move around my nipple. My eyes were closed.  
  
Oh my god Jarod it's always the same with you. You arouse me so fast, get me so wet. Now your fingers are near my wetness. It seems like I have the Niagara Falls between my legs right now. Jarod you are ...   
  
I opened my eyes and I felt, at least a bit, disappointed that it was * only * Sean.  
  
I looked at the boy and felt his fingers working with the lowest buttons of my blouse. I was watching him. He seemed so innocent to me. He just unbuttoned three of them and let his hand glide up my belly – not saying a word – to my ribcage and finally under my bra.  
  
I felt my arousal raising. His hardened cock was pressing against my belly.  
  
It looks like you have to take a "small" boy home today. It's your own goal Parker! If this is all ... but you could close your eyes and with a lot of imagination it could feel like being with Jarod ... old those memories ... like being with my teddy bear with these incredible chocolate eyes ... yeah like with a very lot of imagination  
  
Sean was looking into my eyes and I tried to look into his. His green eyes were nice but not as incredible as Jar's.  
  
His lips were wandering up and down my neck, licking it and making small bites. I could hear me silently moan. His fingers were rubbing my rock hard nipples. Slowly he tried to kiss me.  
  
It seems that he hasn't noticed my hard belly yet.  
  
He doesn't ask you any questions Parker – only your name!   
  
At exactly that moment I opened my mouth, to welcome his tongue. You have to make the best about that night. and he entered.  
  
And a moment later Sean was pulled away. I was a bit not myself. What happened? I let my eyes wander around the room. And I saw what happened. Jarod! I gasped.  
  
Shit why is he here? How can he know it? ... oh yeah ... my note!  
  
Hey guy what are you doing there? Sean was shouting at Jarod, not angry but shocked.  
  
I wouldn't touch her again boy if I would be you! Jarod shouted, loud, harsh and very unfriendly.  
  
I looked at Jarod – my blouse only half buttoned, my skirt up and the lace of the stockings visible. Sean made a step to save me, or just comfort me.  
  
Don't move! Jarod said.  
  
What's your problem boy? Sean asked, nervously. What do you want?   
  
Jarod face was very angry now. Shit let him calm down God.  
  
What I want ? This is * MY * woman ...   
  
But if she's yours ... why should she be here with me and .... Sean shouted at Jarod, angrily.  
  
Be a gentleman guy ... I am one that's why I don't tell you why she's here ...   
  
Now he was very angry. I've never seen Jarod so angry. His eyes were hot, biting.  
  
But ...   
  
I looked at both of them. They were furious now. How has Jarod found me? I could have been in the other pub too!  
  
Want to continue this conversation outdoor, Irish? Jarod asked harshly.  
  
I was stunned. Both went outside without saying any more words. I went, after a moment, after them. My skirt was short, up a bit. I must look like a cheap whore But I didn't care about that at the moment. Please don't hurt my boy ... not hurt my .... Jarod  
  
Stop this stupid stuff, both of you – Jarod and you too Sean! I shouted.  
  
Many people were standing behind me, looking at * me * men.  
  
Holy Shit Parker – what have you done? Never thought that Jarod would become ... jealous?  
  
But * my * men didn't stop fighting, boxing, biting and kicking each other. It didn't look too good. I wanted to go between them, to stop Sean hurting Jarod. I went between them. Sean nearly hit me. Now I saw Jarod getting really wild, indescribable wild.  
  
You Irish Bastard of yours - you nearly hit a pregnant Lady!   
  
Jarod pushed Sean hard against the nearest wall.  
  
I didn't knew ... she ...   
  
She hasn't told you that she's 3rd month pregnant?   
  
Many eyes were focused on my back, I could feel them staring at me. I felt uncomfortable.  
  
The girl wanted a good fuck and not a long discussion ... and if you don't want to touch her soft tights, her gorgeous tits and her wet pussy – than it's non of your business.   
  
Jarod was stunned, shocked and speechless.  
  
Please stop that fighting stuff! I begged.  
  
Shut up Parker   
  
Yeah stay silent Mi.   
  
I looked at them. Jarod took a deep breath.  
  
Her light stockings Sean continued. which fit her so perfectly and her silk panties wet like a deep sea and the greatest thing are her breasts. They are so full and her nipples so sensitive – one touch and they are hard like Mt. Rushmore. He stared into Jarod's eyes. But if you would touch her, she wouldn't go into pubs to be laid down.   
  
I think that's too much now, even for Jarod. What will he do next? But I was to slow to say something or to do something. Shit all the Bushmills!   
  
Jarod didn't say a word. He only boxed Sean into his stomach. From Sean's scream to say, he hit him really bad. But that wasn't the end. Jarod came, with big steps, to me.  
  
What will he do with me now?   
  
Sean was sitting on the street, crying and shouting incomprehensible words.  
  
Shit what will he do to me? Hurt me? Hit me?   
  
He grabbed me at my shoulder pulled me to the car.  
  
I was afraid, shocked and not able to say something. What will happen next was the only think I could think of. I have him never seen like that.  
  
___________________________TBC _____________________________  
  
C: What will Jarod do? 


	12. Chapter 11 - No living without loving yo...

Author's note: This is another one, inspired by a C. Dion song and especially the following lines:  
  
"Just no living without loving you  
  
How could I ever survive  
  
Just no living without loving you  
  
It would be like living without being alive without you"  
  
Life is never easy – we know, but Miss Parker's was never and will never be because she's special! I want to thank a couple of friends/fans for not letting me down because of my not too perfect English. I love writing, it's something like a passion of mine. So thanks Dan & Olive, Clare & Roddney, & Elisabeth and of course my little sister Theres. She was the first one who read it, and wanted me to continue! – a big hug to all you!  
  
And thanks for waiting. I start this one today (3/5) and will finish as soon as possible because tomorrow is my 20th Birthday- yeah such an old bitch I am – so thanks for waiting!  
  
Rating: NC-17  
  
Archive: just made my own page, so you can read it there too, which is nice but at the moment not perfect. You can also send me your story and I will post it there.  
  
Homepage: http://missparkerjarod.hollywood.com  
  
Email: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com & miss_parker@zwallet.com  
  
*****************  
  
CHAPTER 11 - NO LIVING WITHOUT LOVING YOU  
  
****************  
  
On the way home no word was said. I was still shocked, not able to think clear, and not because of the alcohol.  
  
At home, he opened my door and pushed me into the house, not hard, but without saying something to me. He was still angry, I could see it in this wonderful eyes which were hard now, hard and like nails.  
  
What have you done Parker? I asked my self You were in town and that seems to be a mistake, one of your favorite ones of course. You always make mistakes around people you love. .... love? Do I love him? ... what is love?   
  
I wanted to sit down on the sofa, talk to him. Tell him what was going on. Calm him down. I wanted to touch him. Wanted to cry on his shoulder, feel his warm arms around me, to solace me.  
  
But he didn't. I have never seen him that way – not so furious. He grabbed my arm and pushed me into my room, harshly and rough. We went into it, behind me. I wasn't able to breath. He was not the person I knew, I thought that I would know. I thought, maybe I was thinking to much about him. Now I have you B. – you are the sense of my life ... but what shall I do, I love him, honestly love him.  
  
I wasn't able to think too much about what happened, when I found me pinned against the closed door. Jarod was standing in front of me, his hands on both sides of my head. Really pinned against the door. There was nearly no space between him and me. I could feel his warm, not to say hot, breath crushing against me. My eyes closed, to let the moment happen.  
  
He was so near. Yeah boy kiss me, take me, do what ever you want with me, but do something with me! I prayed to god.  
  
He looked in my eyes, like he could read my mind – but he couldn't because if he wouldn't stand here like that, staring at me. What will he do next?   
  
  
  
His eyes wandered up my body. I wasn't able to move.  
  
Why Mary, why?   
  
I ... I wanted to answer but was unable. My voice didn't let me say a word. Why are you nervous Parker? What would he say to you?   
  
Yeah? he said harshly. His hot breath was nearly melting me. My knees were like pudding.  
  
Now he pressed me against the door, no space between us. I could feel his fingers on my shoulder. I start to shiver, many small electric spots were sent through my entire body.  
  
Why Mary, why? he said again, softer than before.  
  
I couldn't resist to star at his wonderful eyes, the eyes I had fallen in love. His eyes have changed – now I could see that he looked disappointed. Disappointed about what I have done. Disappointed.  
  
He didn't understand the act, didn't understand what I wanted in the town. Holy shit Parker you are a grown up ... use your brain ... think once with your heart!   
  
We both hadn't an easy childhood. He had never been a normal teenager, having intercourse with different people. Why was it so hard to understand me?  
  
I .... you know ... I wanted to say something, shyly when his lips brushed on mine, his tongue invaded my mouth. I was smiling, I feel it, while he was kissing me. Passionate? I could also feel his erection pressing against my tights. He didn't touch me intimate. His hands were still on my shoulders. His body pressed against mine.  
  
Oh god Jarod ... you feel like a Greek God ... all your muscles ... your tongue ... oh my goddess. You kiss like 20 years ago. Nothing has changed. And those cock of yours, the only one who has ever found my G-spot, except me of course ... it's so hard ... and I am getting so wet.   
  
His tongue was rough and wild. Our tongues danced well together, like ages ago. I start to suck on button lip, my hands placed on his muscular chest.  
  
Is this the reason you've been to the town? He asked me while his hand was suddenly under my skirt, grabbing my panties and pulling them down.  
  
I was shocked but I also had to smile. He was a genius. A genius. I didn't answer his question. I just nodded. I closed my eyes when I felt his fingers, two of them, gliding into me.  
  
Oh yes ... I had to wait so long for that.   
  
My knees where shacking, my body shivering. I hadn't noticed before that I got so wet, more than wet.  
  
Only that Parker?   
  
Now the tone of his voice was calm anymore.  
  
One ... Night ... Stand ... was the only thing I was able to say. I was breathing hard. I was so aroused, close to come. Jarod's thumb was "playing" with my clitoris. Holy shit ... what had he to wait that long ... he could take me where ever he want to!   
  
His thumb was rubbing faster, the fingers gliding in and out rougher.  
  
I start to breath harder, faster and louder. How that happened, I don't know. I was so close to come now.  
  
Oh god ... Jar ... I am so damned close I said, between breathing.  
  
He started to kiss me again, harder. The other hand was unbuttoning the left buttons of my blouse.  
  
It's just a One Night Stand he said loud, so loud that I couldn't overhear it.  
  
Remember that - and this only if you are a good girl Mary!   
  
Was he teasing or a way of flirting?  
  
Why only .... ah ... this night Jarod .... You could have me ... always ... without asking .... for permission .... every ... ah .... ah .... night Speaking wasn't that easy anymore, not if a guy like Jarod was rubbing you, fucking you with his fingers and kissing you like a god.  
  
Ever ask me what I think about it? If I am still interested? he bubbled along.  
  
What does he mean by that?   
  
My hand was on the waistband of his jeans, slowly unbuttoning and unzipping. My hand was gliding in it, feeling his erected cock. That's a boy Jarod!   
  
You don't like that Jarod? I said soft, with deep voice, during rubbing his erection. Couldn't do something different than moan. He moaned loud. He was so hard.  
  
His tongue darted over my lips, slowly before breaking. I looked at him, not knowing what had happened.  
  
Stop that Parker   
  
Now I am Parker again, not Mary! ... sad  
  
He put my hand out of his trousers. Crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking at me.  
  
I am no man of your business. I haven't bought you any Bushmills which would allow me to touch you!   
  
That hurts badly – you asshole Jarod.  
  
But ... Jarod ... I don't understand ...   
  
I really didn't understand a thing. One moment he is bringing me nearly over the edge, letting his fingers glide up and down my tunnel, his thumb rubbing my clit and on the other he speaks to me, like I am a slut!   
  
Think about what you have done Parker. Think about you looked like, your blouse open, your skirt up to your hips, your stockings visible. Think about Brutus, your son, what he has to think about you!   
  
He was angry again, the eyes like fire, the voice loud.  
  
Jarod turned around and went out of the room, without looking back.  
  
**********  
  
2 hours later  
  
**********  
  
I was sitting in the bed, unable to sleep. I have never been very religious, but the only one who could help me know was God.  
  
I went out of the bed, to get a cup of tea. I never thought that I would be able to live without coffee, but Jarod you ...   
  
I went into the kitchen, just wearing my new soft silk nightgown – it was black, short and not to tight.  
  
I saw him sleeping. Oh beauty, sleeping beauty. If you would know how much I love you and how right you are with what you've said. I am a slut, I was a slut. If you want me, take me Jarod.   
  
I couldn't resist, to touch his cheek. If you would know how much I love you J. I said softly, very silently not to wake him.  
  
The tea was drunken in a minute, and I went back to bed. I knelt down next to it.  
  
God you know, I was never very religious and I stopped going to church after mum's death. I don't understand why you needed to take her.  
  
Today I am a mum myself. I need your help. I can't take it all on my own. I have never been in a position where I had to take care of somebody, not of somebody so tiny. Nobody ever trusted in me .... except Jarod. He was always there when I needed him, he was like a brother, a mother and the best friend ... many years ago also my lover. You know how much he mean to me, he's my everything. Brutus is doing well I think. He's growing fast, maybe I also eat to much. I couldn't resist chocolate or something sweet. It always reminds me kissing Jarod years ago, or just a couple of hours ago.  
  
I know that it wasn't right what I have done in the city, and I am not sure why I have done it. It just came and Sean was lovely, not asking any questions. But it wasn't right. I love Jarod, if he would know how much I love him. I couldn't live without loving him, that's impossible. I know that he doesn't love me, maybe taking care but not loving me. Okay I am still able to arouse him, you know, but arousal is different from love. I couldn't exist without loving him. He was the only person in my life, who I was fully into love with. Thommy was also a wonderful person, but not Jarod. Jarod .... what shall I do? I love him ... oh god I love him, more than my life.   
  
Tears where running down my cheeks. I have said everything. It was true. It was running down my tongue easily, but it was so hard to believe.  
  
He is my life, my sun and my moon. If he wasn't calling me in the middle of the night, during the last years, I started to worry that something could have happened to him. If he wasn't sending me crazy gifts, I started to worry. I always worry that something could happen to him .... yes I love him with every part of my body ... every part of my soul ... oh god please help me .... just give me a sign ... a sign that it's going on with us .... I need him ... I don't want to live without ... not one day .... not an hour.   
  
I stood up, my back was hurting, and sat on the bed, looking out of the window, seeing the moon and the stars. I could only think about what he had sad before he left me.  
  
A small sign please god ... please ...   
  
I laid down, closed my eyes.  
  
  
  
***********  
  
later that night  
  
***********  
  
No not .... A man was touching me.  
  
Shut up you bitch .... he screamed at me. I could see his face. It was one of the men who raped me.  
  
Don't touch me! Please ... I tried to fight but I wasn't as strong as this man.  
  
He slapped me hard on the face.  
  
I started to cry.  
  
Why always me?   
  
Give me your little gift girl .... give me your wet pussy ... I will fuck you till you scream! he shouted at me.  
  
NO .... NO.... NO ...   
  
For all I have done ... for all the mistakes!   
  
That's what I thought before I was hit in my belly.  
  
Don't take my baby ... not my baby ... take me ... do what ever you want ... but not my baby ... not my baby ... I cried.  
  
He separated my legs, rough. I was unable to do something against it.  
  
I felt his erected cock against my tights.  
  
Oh you are so wet you slut you ... the guy said, with an aroused voice.  
  
I said noting, I was only screaming.  
  
  
  
Parker ...wake up .... I heard a male voice next to me, rocking me.  
  
I didn't want to open my eyes.  
  
You had a nightmare ... but I am here ...   
  
Jarod was sitting next to me. He hugged me tight.  
  
______________________TBC _____________________  
  
C: Will she get a sign from god? If yes what will it be? 


	13. Chapter 12 - Innocent et Delicate

Author's note: I'm starting that chapter without knowing what to write, without knowing anything – a structure or a sentence. Normally I start with the title and develop the story around it. But this time it's different not to say it's difficult. That's the reason why I would beg you to review it, send me short feedback.  
  
The lyrics in the text are out of Celine Dion's song "The greatest reward" & "Goodbye's the saddest word"  
  
Rating: NC-17 , not for words or actions – just for thoughts, feelings and sadness  
  
Archive: www.missparkerjarod.hollywood.com - you can post it on your side too, be sure that my name is on it and that's it & send me an email where I can find it!  
  
Feedback: miss.parker@gmx.at or/and mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
*************  
  
CHAPTER 12 – INNOCENT ET DELICAT  
  
*************  
  
He was sitting next to me. He hugged me.  
  
Oh I said softly, noticing Jarod.  
  
Why are you so afraid Parker?   
  
I remembered the dream clearly. Thanks god that it wasn't reality even if it felt like it.  
  
Jarod's hand was running down my belly, slowly, softly.  
  
Mary he is okay. You know that I would never allow somebody to hurt you!   
  
I looked into his eyes, getting lust of chocolate. They looked like chocolate. Chocolate.  
  
But why can't you trust me Jar?   
  
I trust you! You know!   
  
No, you don't. I know what to do. I am an adult, old enough to know it! I said a bit harsh.  
  
His hand wandered softly down my belly, not breaking the eye contact he let his hand find its way.  
  
I love it when you wear silk ... it feels like your skin. He was smiling.  
  
He smiles at you Parker. Making you compliments. His hand is wandering Parker. It's near your curls.   
  
Thinking about all that I had to start smiling at him. He was so handsome, male and in every detail perfect – his body and of course this georgous mind.  
  
But .. ? I was not able to find words and the voice to finish it.  
  
Looking at him made me unsecure, feeling like 10 again. Feeling robbing through the vents to see him and play with him. Feeling like seeing in him the only person to trust. The only one whom I allowed to comfort me after my mum's death. Feeling like being 16, feeling him inside me not knowing what will happen next. Feeling like .... like a woman in love.  
  
His eyes looked into mine, staring, letting me feel his disappointment.  
  
I don't want to see you hurt again ... never want to hurt you.... or get hurt. He softly brushed over the silk of my gown. I didn't want that somebody else is allowed to touch you, to make love to you!   
  
I was stunned. Was this a confession? The confession you were looking for?   
  
Making love to me .... Jarod? Was thrilling through my head.  
  
He didn't want to make love to me Jar it was just fucking me. I said to make a point.  
  
I didn't want to see somebody * in * you – not now ... and ... never. He was grinning this boyish way I loved such a lot.  
  
Jarod? I looked at him. Than make love to me Jarod. Love me!   
  
He was coming nearer, his breath crushed cozily my eyelashes. He was so perfect, everything I was ever searching for in a man. Than he separated and looked into my eyes.  
  
You are not 16 anymore Mary, times have changed and we both are now grown ups. It's not that easy now, you know! I nodded, listening to the sweet sound of his voice. You are not that innocent girl anymore you've been when you came to be trough the vet, all those years ago. Now you are an adult, a wonderful and sexy woman and soon a beloved mother. I am afraid of loosing you as a friend, love and the only family I have. You are everything for me Mary and I hope you know that. He took a deep breath, I noticed that. I was observing him for years. We are too old for just fucking – and you are pregnant Mary. Times have changed.  
  
So suddenly so strange ... Life wakes you up ....Things have changed ....I've done my best ... I've served my call ... I thought ... I had it all ... So suddenly so strange ... My prejudice ...Was gone ....You needed me ...I found my place ... I'm different now ...These days   
  
I was only able to nod in agreement. He was so right.  
  
Now the greatest reward is the light in your eyes. The sound of your voice and the touch of your hand. You made me who I am I looked into his eyes.  
  
I knew all the men, all your affairs, all the men who told you that they would love you, went to bed with you and left you alone in the morning without a note. They were never right calling you the Ice Queen – not you Mary. Those men, who call you like this, are those who made this facade. Those men only wanted you body, not your intelligence not your beautiful mind. He let his other hand take place on my heart. Those men could only hurt you. I would never hurt you, never.   
  
You did not only once during the last days!   
  
He looked on my nightstand, not able to catch my looks.  
  
I didn't want to ... but ....   
  
Jarod, the genius, doesn't find the right words – oh Parker! I smiled mischievous.  
  
But ... you   
  
I didn't want to push you in any directions Jarod. You are right, times have changes and I am more than pregnant now, and the greatest reward is the love I can give. I am here for you and as long as I live. Jarod, you made me who I am! I have to make the best out of the situation I am into now. My fantasy to see is together isn't a fucking teenager one, it's my personal one, my dream, my wish. Believe me, I thought a lot about it.   
  
Was I begging now? Begging to hold me, to comfort me, .... to trust into me?   
  
He looked at me, serious. His fingers forwarded into my curls, softly gliding up and down. Under a minute I was more than wet again. Waiting for him.  
  
Mary, it's not that I don't want you or don't want to take care of you. It's just that I worry about what will happen next – if the Center will catch us, if they are a step in front of us or still one behind. I am afraid that I found something out, I didn't want to know. I am also afraid that it would be afraid to have intercourse with you. It's just 3 ½ half months ago that you get rapped. Mary ...   
  
His hand, which had been above my heart a minute ago, was now on my neck, making small circles. His lips were near mine again. I could smell him. Delicious.  
  
But you can't make love to a pregnant woman? I asked softly, only an inch away from his lips, nose to nose. You wouldn't be the first one.   
  
He grinned in this typical Jaordish way, you can't resist.  
  
I have never thought about it. Why should I have? My sexual experience is rare if you compare it to y....   
  
I broke the eye contact, turned away, leaving his wet fingers on the sheets.  
  
Jarod climbed into the bed next to me, laying his chest next to my back Spooning. The one hand rested under my pillow, near my neck, the other one was cruising on my swollen belly.  
  
I didn't want to offend you Mary he continued. I didn't want to.   
  
Stay with me Jarod, just tonight, like we are now! I said.  
  
Oh my goddess his hands are like small waves on your skin. He is still sending small electrical shocks trough your body. Parker you aren't the girl who robbed trough the vets anymore. You are a mother, more or less. Take care and think twice.  
  
I will if you want me to. he whispered into my ear. Come Parker, give me a peace of your blanket as long as I shouldn't freeze to death next to you.   
  
Was he teasing again? Flirting? Sarcasm .... freezing next to the Ice Queen?   
  
He grabbed a spare part of the blanket and pulled himself under it. I could feel his hot breath against my neck, his hand resting on my belly. Our child would feel how well I fell now, how calm. Our child? My ... our ... my ... the baby.  
  
I closed my eyes ....  
  
Now he is laying next to you. Next to you Parker. Now you are Mary again, his little Mary. He was the only one who knew your first name, was allowed to call you like that, when you've been alone. He was always the only person you could speak to who was not trying to analyze you.  
  
Now Jarod is holding the baby, his arm protecting us – me and you Brutus. Isn't that a good feeling. It feels like family, not only Mamma. It's .... like ages ago when mum ....  
  
Mamma you gave life to me ... turned a baby into a lady ... and Mamma ... all you had to offer ... was a promise of a lifetime of love .... a lifetime- your lifetime was too short .... Now I know that there is no other love like a mother's love for her child ... Brutus ... I know that love so complete someday must leave, must say goodbye ... And it hurts so that something so strong someday will be gone ... must say goodbye ... but the love you give will always live ... you'll be there every time I fall ... and I'm fallen so often, so often through the last years ... You take my weakness and you make me strong ... and I will always love you till forever comes ... Mamma ... Mamma  
  
" And when you need me, I'll be there for you always, I'll be there your whole life through, I will be there through the lonely days, I will be there this I promise ...."  
  
"Mamma is that you?"  
  
" I am always there Mary, my child. ... I'll be the wings that guide your broken flight!"  
  
"Mamma .... why ... why did all that happen? Why Mama?"  
  
She was standing in front of me, all light around her, in a white dress. She just touched my fingers. Tears were streaming down my cheeks.  
  
"Mamma ... I can't ... I can't give him what he is dreaming of ... I never could."  
  
"He will always loves you till forever comes!"  
  
" It's not that I don't love him ... I love him with every peace of my heart ... but I am not what he is dreaming of ... I can't give him all ... my whole heart ... everything he needs."  
  
"Give him what you can Mary! He will love you every second."  
  
"It's all to much Mamma ... I can't do it anymore. I can't hide .... I had to hide for such a long time. I can't break all the rules I'd built up to save myself for being hurt ... Mamma ... so many people only wanted to hurt me ... only to see my cry .... only see me fall!"  
  
"Look at you darling. You are a beautiful woman and the most handsome guy, who loves you till he's able to think, is laying next to you, cuddled to your back. Look at you two."  
  
I was looking down from wherever I was.  
  
"Hold me Mamma, just hold me once ... nobody was there to comfort me for ages ... nobody picked me up when I fell ... so many people where telling me that they would love me and only one ever meant it ... only one of all those men!"  
  
She opened her arms wide, hugging me tight. I could feel her hair on my cheek, smelling like strawberries. Like all the years ago, I hugged her the last time. I saw her the last time. I felt like me the last time. I was the last time the innocent little girl. The last time I felt my heart. The last time I cried in public, the last time I was able to feel love.  
  
"The last time ... you hold me that tight ... the last time I was smelling your hair ... mum I was 10 and a little girl ... it was the last time ...." I couldn't say anything more. I was just crying, bitterly. I had only once cried like that before, so many years ago. I was just 10.  
  
"Oh Mary ... I never thought that you feel that lonely. I always thought ...."  
  
"There was nobody holding me Mamma, not once through, not since you're gone. There was no shoulder I could cry on, never." I was sobbing. "I never let somebody that near to know me well. I was so afraid of loosing this person, one more person I love."  
  
"But I love you Mary Eve and I am always there for you."  
  
"Mamma, it's not that easy anymore ...." I was holding her so tight, afraid that she might run away, run away like so many years ago – running out of my life.  
  
"I know, that's why I am here!"  
  
"Not to see me... ?" I was absolutely disappointed. She was not here to see me, to feel me, to hold me tight, to run her hand trough my hair, to give me a shoulder to cry on and feel welcome?  
  
"Sure, but more important are those babies!"  
  
I felt her hand on my belly.  
  
"Why? " Have I heard a plural?  
  
"They mean more to the Center than you ... Mary it's not that easy ... they are not interested in you anymore" Not hunting me, Daddy not caring for my life? "They only want the babies. They are special to them. You have to be careful, very careful. You two always have to think twice before making a step."  
  
"Why ... why Mamma ... why is Daddy always that ..."  
  
"The truth is Mary that he isn't your father but he doesn't know that. He was disappointed for not having a son, a living one. Not times have changed and he has his son, two of them – so you are one to much in the game he plays."  
  
"But why I don't understand?!" I was crying so bitterly, feeling that small, small and bag everybody is allowed to kill.  
  
"You are carrying their future Mary!"  
  
I was looking at her not sure what she means.  
  
"You are carrying the perfect pretenders in your uterus and you have to hide them as good as possible. They know that they, especially you, can't bring Jarod back, so they decided to create new ones."  
  
"Mamma you want to tell me that it was no rape, that it was an artificial insemination?"  
  
"Yes Mary ... Rains has planned it for ages. They hope that you'd get a Pretender, their new Pretender, on the normal way, but you had that accident. The rape, which really happened but in a different way, was Lyle's idea. But that's unimportant now. Mary you have to concentrate on the triplets you'll get."  
  
"Triplets?"  
  
"Yes Mary – the twins for the ones you and Jarod lost and one for your new life."  
  
"You know about the twins?"  
  
"I am sorry that I wasn't there for you ... but now you have to protect your children!"  
  
"I swear I will protect them with my life."  
  
"Jarod will also protect them Mary, allow your children to have their father."  
  
"Jarod ... ?"  
  
"Haven't you known that you and Jarod have the perfect genes for the ultimate Pretender?"  
  
"No .... never ... but .... bloodtests all the time ...."  
  
"Calm down Mary. It happened and you have decided to get those kids, my grandchildren."  
  
"Mamma ... I don't know ... if I ever .... I mean ...become a real ... become a mother!"  
  
"You'll be the best mother they could get!"  
  
Her fingers went through my hair. Oh I felt so lonely. Her fingers were opening and loosing the grip. I felt like separated from her.  
  
"No ... Mamma ... not go away... !"  
  
"I know Mary ... goodbye's the saddest word I'll ever heard, and it's the last time I will hold you near. Someday you'll say that word and I will cry. It breaks my heart to hear you say goodbye – till we meet again until then goodbye!"  
  
"Mamma ... no .... no .... no ... no ...not yet ... stay ... stay ... I need you ... Mamma ... I love you .... I need you ... Mamma no ..... not goodbye .... stay ... Mamma ... please .... please not leave me again ...."  
  
  
  
___________________________TBC__________________________  
  
Author's 2nd note: I am not sure yet how to continue. I am really sad now, near feeling tears running down my cheeks. I never thought that writing would effect me that much. Today is May 5th and I will post it tomorrow during the day, maybe I'll have an clue then. I can't write that sad stories all the time. Do you understand why I rated it NC-17? I think you can't understand her before that age, some will never understand her.  
  
I am feeling like Mary at the moment, being Mary, thinking like Mary.  
  
Thanks Celine Dion writing such wonderful songs, which inspires me all the time. Every time I hear her singing "Goodbye's the saddest word", it makes me nearly cry.  
  
Last week a Band was playing it on a funeral I had to go to, unfortunately. A funeral of a friend's mother, dying at the age of 44 because of cancer. And "Goodbye" is the saddest word, believe me. I have heard it quite often in my short life. ~EMP~ 


	14. Chapter 13 - Deeper and Deeper

Author's note: Thanks for the feedback of the last part, I really needed it. It was a good feeling and I got tons of inspirations and new ideas from all of you e.g. Lizz and Mel!  
  
This time the lyrics are from Madonna's song "Deeper and Deeper" . I just want to give you an outline of the main part I'll use (my inspiration too) of the song.  
  
1 Someone said that romance was dead  
  
And I believed it instead of remembering  
  
What my mama told me  
  
Let my father mold me  
  
Then you tried to hold me  
  
You remind me what they said  
  
This feeling inside  
  
I can't explain  
  
But my love is alive  
  
And I'm never gonna hide it again  
  
Rating: NC-17 , this time for romance of course .. but I don't want to tell to much yet  
  
Archive: www.missparkerjarod.hollywood.com - you can post it on your side too, be sure that my name is on it and that's it & send me an email where I can find it!  
  
Feedback: miss.parker@gmx.at or/and mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
*************  
  
CHAPTER 13 - DEEPER AND DEEPER  
  
*************  
  
I woke up, my head on Jar's male chest, his arm softly around me, cuddling. I knew that he was never sleeping, that's why I was silent to let him sleep this time. I was laying there, calm and not moving.  
  
Thanks Mama, thanks such a lot! My sign! I know that you are there for me, always and forever.  
  
Slowly I felt him moving under me, his arm tighten around me. It felt so good, so right and so real. It was real. He slowly opened his eyes, looking at me. I looked into his eyes. My night gown was up to my hips, one of my legs between his. He said nothing, just hold me, comfort me.  
  
Or do I comfort him this time?   
  
We lay like this for a couple of minutes, maybe half an hour, maybe longer. I lost the time, smelling him, feeling him. It was feeling so new being that near to him. It was different from just being hold.  
  
Slept well? I asked him softly, not moving. My hand was gliding up and down his chest, playing with the hair there, making small circles. But he was wearing a buttoned pyjama, the hairs were just splitting through a bit. He looks like teddy bear, like mine. Like a toy for me.  
  
Don't be so childish Parker. This man doesn't belong to anybody!  
  
I felt his muscles harden under the shirt under my touch.  
  
Oh my good you feel to real to be true!  
  
I think so he answered if I forget this hot something cuddling next to me.  
  
Teasing me boy?   
  
He laughed about my answer.  
  
Stop that Jarod, it's not comfortable.   
  
I was joking but he stopped suddenly, staring into my eyes. I was laying as good as possible on my belly now, my chin on his ribcage, staring at him or just observing? He rose his head to be near me.  
  
If I would want to kiss you now Mary – would you understand that I * just * want to kiss you now, nothing more, just kissing?  
  
I smiled in agreement. We got into changing the positions. I lay under him, my hands on his neck. He held his weight on his elbows not to lay on my belly. But I was feeling his weight there too and it felt to good. He was so hot. His legs? Without being asked, I separated mine to give him the space he needed.  
  
Slowly he came nearer, very slow. The muscles of his neck hardened. He was breathing fastly. But my breathing conditions weren't much better.  
  
The first short brush of his lips shot sensations through my body, like thousand little electric shocks.  
  
I want to see you Parker, open your eyes. Please  
  
I opened them. He was so near.  
  
Think with your heart not with your head I heard my mother telling me All the little things you do will end up coming back to you ... you let your father mold you!  
  
His breath was so hot. I wasn't able to think clear, not now. I lifted my head to feel him again but this time was more than just a brush of lips. He opened my mouth, his tongue begging for entrance. But now he was just licking my lips from the right to the left and the other way round.  
  
Please I begged and he started to kiss me again. Faster. More tongue. Faster. In a way he started to suck the breath out of my lungs. I closed my eyes to feel the moment with every part of my body. All this sensations were set free in my body.  
  
This had been the best kiss I ever got. He stopped looking down on me.  
  
Want to stop now Jarod? So fast? Not now!  
  
His eyes were looking bigger in my mind and I could feel the arousal, his, between my legs. Yes that was an erection, a big one and only because of kissing me.  
  
Jarod? He was just smiling.  
  
You are so beautiful. he said.  
  
He moved next to me, rolled to his side to face me again. For sure I want him inside me but if he needs time I wanted to give it to him – maybe I would need it too.  
  
Relax Mary and feel every minute with your whole body.   
  
We'll have all the time we need when we are in Ireland.   
  
You are right. When will our plane leave?   
  
Today nigh!   
  
Today? .... I was stunned a bit. Okay than we should get out here and start packing.  
  
He nodded and blow a fast tongue-less kiss on my lips  
  
****************  
  
Our flight to Dublin was long an I was not able to sleep a lot. My nausea caused me again but Jarod was a big help because of booking business class seats. He had told the stewardess that I would have troubles with my stomach and she was very nice and took care of me well. It hadn't been that bad but I didn't felt well. I don't know why but I felt like somebody was very close to find us. Just a couple of steps behind us. We had been to long in Canada, I know. But we needed this time to relax and find the persons behind the facades.  
  
I needed that time to cope with the pregnancy and now my three Brutus'. I hadn't told Jarod about my dream yet and I wasn't sure if I should tell him that my mum told me that he was the right one for me!  
  
Jarod had booked a room in a small hotel near St. Stephan's Green a big park in Dublin. He hadn't told me about any plans yet. That's also a reason why I wasn't feeling that well, I felt uninformed.  
  
My mum's words were hunting me that they aren't behind me, only behind the babies. Jar wasn't knowing anything about the triplets yet or that he is the father of them. If the story is true, it was just a dream.  
  
******************  
  
Get out the car Mary he said and I stepped out the cap.  
  
I think I could like this city. In it's special way it was a romantic nest, old and very special. I had read a lot about Dublin but never been to it.   
  
Get in and get our room key. I am thirsting for a shower and a soft bed. I can't stand without a hurt in my bag.   
  
I laughed at him and moved in. The room I stepped in was very small. The woman behind the table was old, around 80 or older. She looked cute with her needles and the wool in her hands. The last time I was knitting was long ago, some weeks before my mum's death I finished my only knitted art - a teddy bear I wanted to give her to Mother's Day. But this day never came.  
  
Hello I said, very friendly, to the old lady.  
  
She looked up at me. Her long white her up and wearing glasses. She was only about 5"1 maybe 5"2 not bigger. She smiled at me, friendly, the Irish way.  
  
Hello Miss. What can I do for you?   
  
My husband booked a room for us.   
  
Oh ... yes ... Mrs and Mr. Byron Quinn   
  
I laughed, not knowing the name he took.  
  
Oh boy you are watching a bit too much TV in your free time. Byron Quinn ... oh yeah ... I think we have to talk about it.   
  
So you are Teddy when I am reading it right from the note here.   
  
Yes ... Theodora Quinn. Sounded funny to my ears. This name was such a bullshit but what to do now? I would have to talk to him about names as soon as possible.  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay we'll have a look at your room now. Or shall we wait for Mr. Quinn?   
  
No let's go ... He's dealing with the taxi driver.   
  
I put down my coat, carrying it under my arm. The old lady seemed to be very friendly. I went the small stairs up to the rooms. I think she was renting 4 rooms, 2 downstairs an two up where I was standing now.  
  
She unlocked the door and handed me the keys. Right at that moment she noticed my belly. I was wearing my black jeans and a short black v-neck pullover. She smiled at me. I felt like I would need to explain it to her.  
  
Our first ones. I said softly.  
  
Ones? was her answer.  
  
Yes we are going to have triplets.   
  
That looks like you'll have a lot of work in the near future. How far are you along by the way if it's not to intimate to ask.   
  
Just around the middle of the 3rd month. I am not 100 percent sure about it.   
  
She smiled and showed me the view from the window down to the Liffey, the river which is going through Dublin. I fell in love with it, the minute I saw it.  
  
Than she showed me the bathroom – with a bath tube and two sinks – the toilette and told me about the eating abilities. I told her that I would have to talk with my husband about that before.  
  
If you ever need a doctor, tell me, I know some good ones here in Dublin and better ones up in the County Donegal.   
  
I nodded. I would be glad if you could write me down one of them with address and telephone number. I want get checked up.   
  
I could also make you a date if you want. Tell me when and you get it.   
  
Can we talk about it later. I am really tired and J ... Byron will come soon. We are both very tired.   
  
No problem Mrs. Quinn.   
  
Call me Teddy please.   
  
Teddy ... you'll find me in the kitchen if I am not downstairs!   
  
I will come down soon.   
  
Relax girl, you'll need a lot of strength with those kids, I feel it.   
  
I sat down on the bed.  
  
You feel it? How?   
  
You have to listen to the voices inside you, they will give you all the answers you need.   
  
How do you know that .... ?   
  
I never forget faces girl. You are looking like your mother, exactly like her.   
  
You knew my mum?   
  
I was shocked and stunned. It was a miracle to get me speechless but she did it.  
  
Come down later Mary and we'll have a cup of coffee, you can take your boy with you if you want. When I remember his name correctly ... it was ... Jar..   
  
Jarod I continued.  
  
Did Jarod knew this old woman and the owner of the hotel? He came in and but the cases nest to the window. The bed was really big, the room sunny and friendly. The old woman was gone without saying a word.  
  
Met Geraldine yet?   
  
Whom?   
  
The white haired lady ...   
  
Yes I did. She's very nice ...   
  
... and she was your mother's Nanny. You know that your mum lived in Ireland for a couple of years during her childhood?   
  
No I didn't   
  
Okay ... go and take a shower Mary. We'll discuss this later. You need to rest and Brutus too. The flight wasn't relaxing for you two.   
  
He didn't need to say this twice. I headed into the bath room, closed the door, and stepped out of my cloths. I let water run into the tube and put some bath salt, which was standing next to the tube, into it. Step in and relax Mary.   
  
*************  
  
My eyes closed I lay in the tube, the hot water around me. It was wonderful. All this small things he was giving me – like this old woman now. She had been the Nanny of my mum. Nobody ever told me that she had lived in Ireland too. Nobody ever told a piece about her past.  
  
Jarod must have put on the radio because I heard a singer singing interesting lyrics  
  
"I want you to need me  
  
Like the air you breath  
  
I want you to feel me  
  
In everything  
  
I want you to see me  
  
In your every dream  
  
The way that taste you, feel you, breath you, need you  
  
I want you to need me  
  
Like I need you .... "  
  
I closed my eyes more, listening to the wonderful lyrics a woman was singing.  
  
I am home now! I said to my self and I was home. I felt well here knowing that my mum had also been here, knowing that the kids are from Jarod and knowing that .... knowing that I have to take care.  
  
I put my hand on my belly. It was too early to feel kicks or something like that but I felt a sensation growing into myself.  
  
We'll have to take care of each other I said, meaning the babies in my womb.  
  
We will take care of you as good as possible I little voice was telling me.  
  
Who is 'we' ?   
  
The twins.   
  
What about number three? I asked, not knowing where I was getting into.  
  
Single is sleeping, like always. It's a boring creature.   
  
Are you well inside me?   
  
We are. The woman in the white dress told us that we have to protect you.   
  
The woman in the white dress? I was stunned.  
  
Yeah, dark hair and incredible shiny blue eyes.   
  
Yeah ... my mother.   
  
We know. She's a wonderful lady, always telling us what to do.   
  
She does?   
  
She's always there when we need her.   
  
Same here. I will always be there for you three when you need me, me and your daddy.  
  
Daddy? another little voice said.  
  
You've woken Single.   
  
Brutus ...   
  
So it was the same with my kids and me. They can speak with me or I hear there voices at least. At least.  
  
Oh bathing was a wonderful thing.  
  
  
  
______________________TBC___________________________  
  
C: What role is the old Lady playing?  
  
Feedback absolutely welcome! 


	15. Chapter 14 - Sensual and Innocent

Author's note: Okay that was Madonna's song last time, now we are back at one of my favorite singers at the moment – Celine Dion. Are you nerved that I often use her lyrics? Tell me pls. This time the chapter involved lyrics from "Super Love", from Celine's new album.  
  
Today is a special day in Vienna, May 8th, the day of the German capitulation in 1945, nearly 60 years ago. The right and the left wing people are demonstration today in an very uncommon way, very noisy etc. People like these make me thinking why people aren't able to talk about their problems and thoughts, ideas and impressions. Maybe that's also a reason why I love writing. It's a way of talking, telling people a story in a very personal way.  
  
Rating:  
  
Archive: www.missparkerjarod.hollywood.com - you can post it on your side too, be sure that my name is on it and that's it & send me an email where I can find it!  
  
Feedback: miss.parker@gmx.at or/and mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
*************  
  
CHAPTER 14 – SENSUAL & INNOCENT  
  
*************  
  
I was sitting in the kitchen, Jarod standing behind me. I hadn't told him about my dream and the babies' voices yet. His strong palms rested on my shoulders, massaging me.  
  
So Mary tell me why are in you in Ireland?   
  
We have to run, to run away from the Center but this time together. Jarod said  
  
I am not the huntress anymore. Times have changed and so the roles.  
  
But you are pregnant Mary. How long do you think that you might be able to run? A month maybe two from now. I just nodded in agreement. They were all right. Time was running.  
  
We have to find a place where she can give birth to the baby. He said softly.  
  
You haven't told him yet Mary, haven't you? The old lady asked me. Now I hadn't.  
  
What haven't you told me ?   
  
Okay where to start now? It was difficult. Parker try, he'll know how you mean it.   
  
I had a dream ... my mum ... she was speaking with me ... She told me that there is more .... I will get triplets. My voice was shaking. I could hear them speaking with each other when I was in the bath tube and I can speak with them.   
  
I couldn't believe how easy it was. But did it sound a bit realistic?  
  
You mean .... like you and your mum ?   
  
Yes something like that. I said and wanted to change the topic.  
  
And now tell him the rest Mary, he has the right to know it.   
  
Why Nanna, why can't you .... She looked at me in a soft and friendly way but her eyes told me that I have to tell him, that there is no way out!  
  
Nanna, was a fantastic old lady. She was friendly and knew everything about me without telling her. It was like she could read my mind.  
  
I think that this isn't the big secret she told you Mary, trust Jarod and tell him the truth.   
  
You are right Nanna, it's not the big secret. Mamma also told me that ... I grabbed Jarod's hand, not to let him run away. She told me that Daddy and the Centre isn't interesting into catching us any longer, the just want the babies. All the stuff was planned. They are ... Tears were getting up my eyes. They are ....   
  
What are they? he asked.  
  
They are not mine .... he looked stunned they are ours.   
  
How ... ? He seemed to be a bit perplex.  
  
Once when I came home from the boarding school they brought me to the Renewal Wing to check me up. This was the only time they were able to take my ovaries. I don't know how, it was just a dream which told me the facts.   
  
You mean that you are carrying my babies?   
  
Jarod sat down on the chair next to me, putting his hand on my tight.  
  
So that was the reason for the rape! Oh my god, I never thought that they would do something like that and never to you! They thought that you would go back to the Centre and never ask for the father of the baby ... babies ... and that you would hand them in voluntary. His voice was angry.  
  
You have to be very careful with her Jarod. She will need a lot of help in the near future and after birth it will get more difficult to run away. Triplets are always a risk pregnancy and you aren't the youngest at all Mary. And the Centre is everywhere!   
  
How much do you know about the Centre? Jarod asked. I was not able to think clear at the moment. I was just listening to the voices at the table.  
  
My husband had been in the IRA and I worked with him when I came back and your mum to a boarding school. The IRA found out about the Centre many years ago when they started to built something like a Centre here in Ireland. But the IRA destroyed it finally and I lost my husband in this fight about the truth. Many people helped us fighting against the Centre and many died because of chemical stuff they were working with too.   
  
When ? I asked nervously.  
  
In the early 1950s when I remember it correctly. Nanna answered They never tried to re-establish something like a Centre here because the IRA has a lot of power and wouldn't allow it.   
  
Didn't you know that Jarod? She asked him.  
  
You mean that it's save here?   
  
Yes it's save at the moment but it's possible that Mr. Parker will have a look on Ireland first. You never now!   
  
Why ? I asked again.  
  
Because he knows that it's save here!   
  
How many countries do we have to go to Nanna?   
  
Only a few ... Ireland of course ... South Africa and Austria and Finland at the moment but I think I have heard a rumour that they will start there soon too.   
  
Austria ? Jarod asked. I mean Mary had been there for the whole boarding school time.   
  
That's right and that's also the reason. He never wanted her to be observed.   
  
My Daddy? I couldn't believe that he knew that I hate it to be observed and that I could really act bitchy if I find out.  
  
Not your daddy honey, Mr. Parker!   
  
Jarod looked at me in a way strange. I thought he might have known all that, the story of my dad and Mr. Parker.  
  
Not her dad? was his answer.  
  
Mr. Parker isn't her father. Thanks god for that. He just mold her, the way he wanted her to be.   
  
And who is my daddy?   
  
I don't know She said and stood and went up and down the kitchen, preparing something to eat. She'd never mentioned a name in her letters. She came back with two breads with butter and salt. But I am sure you could get the answers to all your question in your dreams. Feel free to ask her everything you want Mary.   
  
I couldn't believe what had happened during the last days. Many things to be honest. I am a bit afraid of what will happen next when I look into the past. The Centre was behind us and it was only a matter of time when they would catch us. We had spent to much time in safety in Canada, too much.  
  
Nanna looked at me, with a look which reminds me of Mamma.  
  
Have you ever been in love? she asked me.  
  
And this statement, question, brought me back to reality.  
  
What ? I asked.  
  
Have you ever been in love, really in love?   
  
I nodded nervously.  
  
And Mary?   
  
What you wanna know Nanna? I snarled.  
  
How it felt or how it feels like!   
  
I smiled. It was long ago that I'd fallen in love.  
  
Wonderful. It was like ... I was interrupted.  
  
Like having butterflies in your belly ... like having rain on a sunny bright day .... like sugar in your coffee ... Jarod continued.  
  
Don't speak of coffee now Jarod, please!   
  
We both start laughing. It was funny how far Jarod brought me. I'd not smoked a cigarette or drunken a... well only one night ... since I was raped, and coffee it was more or less the same. Since the day we found out that I was pregnant, it was impossible to get a cup of coffee – only herbal teas. And it seemed like we both would have the same feelings.  
  
His hand was gliding up and down my tight under the table.  
  
To right to be true I thought.  
  
Nanna brought me a hot chocolate. I hadn't had one since I was little. It's one of the things I left behind after mum's death. Everything happened to fast in my life, always without my permission and without that I was prepared for it – Mum's death, Thomas' death and now my pregnancy.  
  
I loved Jarod ages ago and I love him now. He had always been the one and only. Tommy? Thomas has not been a mistake, save god no, but he wasn't Jarod. Maybe he would have been able to become as important as Jarod in my life but the Centre didn't allowed him and didn't gave me the time to try it. To let us grow together. But it was hard for me after his death. Jarod was phoning me every day after the funeral to ask me how I am and we had long discussions. Sometimes I only want to feel that somebody cares for me. It's true that Broots and Sydney were also there but they ... they act differently. Jarod was the one who talked to be, who brought me back into my life. I never said something about the funeral. Grieving was the only thing I could do. One night, I'll never forget it, he came to my house. It was a year after his death, the day exactly. I was drunken and in a very bad mood, aggressive and in a way unpredictable. He was just there to old me and to let me feel that there is still somebody around me, whom I allowed to hug me. It was not easy after Tommy's death and I am sure I made Broots' life really hard. I always gave him bad words and was very harsh. But they didn't say a word. They knew how much Thomas meant to me.  
  
Thomas has always been a wonderful lover and a good friend but never the best. I'd never told him about my job and my past with Jarod. It had been impossible. I was afraid that he would leave me – and the time factor. Maybe I would have been brave one day to tell him and to quit my job and go with him, but I hadn't had a chance to think about it.  
  
But now under Jarod's soft touches I felt the wetness which increased in my panties. Under all those circumstances it was possible to get very wet, only when he touched me. Jarod. He was my best friend and my first and only really big love. He had never said those three words to me. Sure he was the only one who showed some interest for me and my life and there has always been a bondage between us – now, our children.  
  
I had decided to leave many things behind me on the day I went to mum's funeral. The decision hat been easy because I didn't understood what I was doing, I was a kid. I had never thought about them since this day, remembered what life had been.  
  
Now it was different. Today being hold and having somebody around me was the most important thing for me. I didn't need sex, being hold my Jarod, a bit cuddling was much better and more intensive. It would be wonderful to feel him inside me but could this be the most important thing in my life? Of course not.  
  
What is important in your life Parker? It's not that you are alone anymore. You aren't innocent anymore, you are going to be a mother. You are your mother. You have to trust Jarod and what he'll do for you because you can be sure that he's the one who will always help you and never be against you. He's the only one who will be there for you till the end comes, till it is time to say goodbye. Mamma sometimes I would wish that you could be here and help me, talk to Jarod. I really love him but how to say? I can't tell him just these words and wait for a responds to hope that it might be the one I am waiting for. Give me a hint or better tell him what I feel. Feel free to tell him everything but do it!   
  
So Mary I think it's late now, time to go to bed. said Nanna.  
  
I had finished my hot chocolate and not listened to Jarod and my mum's Nanny during the last couple of minutes.  
  
Yes I am tired. The flight was long. I said and stood up. I went around the table and gave her a good night kiss on her cheek, like it would be a ceremonial, like I would be a small child. Jarod just shook hands with her and went up the stairs behind me.  
  
**********  
  
It as your first night in Dublin, together as a married couple in a double bed. I was nervous about what could happen this night.  
  
Wanna go into the bathroom first Jarod? I asked him. He headed without a word into and let the door open. I wouldn't resist to watch him, getting out of the dark blue shirt and the black trousers, not jeans, trousers. They fit him better than the jeans, especially his ass was perfect in them. Like a Greek god.  
  
Just go in, grab him and make love to him ... and than he would leave you and hate you for the rest of your life.  
  
He was standing there just in brief black silk boxer shorts brushing his teeth. It looked like out from an old German Saga, perfect. All the muscles and the hairs on his chest. Ah I could jump on him and take him where he was right now. You don't want to fuck him Mary, you want that he makes love * to * you!   
  
I was standing there and telling myself that I should get into a nightgown or pyjamas myself. I grabbed the silky one I had worn the last night in Canada and start to strip right in the room. I was not able to look if he was standing in the door watching me or not. If he would do it, I hope that he would get something into his mind without being told what to do next. Or that he get aroused, it would be enough for right now.  
  
I only needed a confirmation for myself having a little sex appeal left, just a little. Now I stepped out of my panties and unhooked my black lace bra. My nipples got very sensual during the last days the lace made them red and hurt. Was it not a bit too early for that? 


	16. Chapter 15 - It's in his kiss

Author's note: Just ask the lonely – my friend told me. So I asked her and from her impressions, some songs by Vonda Shepard and a good glass of "Welschriesling", I had created this Chapter in bed : ) - Feedback WELCOME!  
  
Rating: NC-17  
  
Author: Mary Eve Parker mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
Archive: www.missparkerjarod.hollywood.com  
  
*******  
  
CHAPTER 15 – IT'S IN HIS KISS  
  
*******  
  
It was early if my calculations have been right, but Mathematics have never been one of my goals. . Nothing I  
  
did during the last years was one of my goals, when I was honest to myself. Not hunting and not being a good  
  
daughter to a father who wasn't a father to me. What shall I do now?  
  
Jarod was in the bathroom and I stepped into the rest of my night gown. I wasn't thinking any longer that he  
  
could see me stripping. Finished. I sat on the edge of the bed, letting my hands glide over my temples.  
  
Do you want me to sleep in the arm chair? he asked me  
  
How could I think that he wouldn't be there, behind me, rubbing my back softly, warming me?  
  
No ... I need somebody to warm my back. I said and tried to sound jokingly but like often, it was the wrong way and didn't came out the way it should.  
  
He came out of the bathroom in brief light blue boxers with white stripes on it, in cotton.  
  
No silk tonight? I teased him.  
  
Well Parker, not every's body feels like silk naturally ... but tonight .. I have silk around me, so why should I wear those expensive silk pants? He looked at me. Your silky body is enough. he whispered.  
  
I blushed. This had been a compliment Wow But started now to giggle like a 10 year old one.  
  
So come to bed boy. I told him. He laughed and stepped in on his side.  
  
In the beginning everybody was laying there in absolute silence, the only thing you could hear was breathing. Just breathing.  
  
Would you mind to give me a sleeping arm? I asked him, to break this deadly silence between us. This silence had made me nervous, more than nervous, nearly crazy. I acted shyly because the night in Canada could have been an excuse for what ever. He said nothing, just moved in the middle of the bed. But it was a double bed with two mattresses, the old style.  
  
Move over to my side Parker. I don't want to fall between the beds.  
  
He had to say it twice till I recognized that he was speaking with me. I moved over and rested my hand on his chest, my head between his shoulder and his head. I told myself that he would say something, if he would feel uncomfortable.  
  
You are so warm! he said to me.  
  
What? What does this genius mean with that? Me being hot? No.  
  
I rested my head in my palm and laid on my side, looking down on him.  
  
Okay. If I am warm, you could kiss me. Can't you? He smiled.  
  
I could but who said that I want to? He laughed and without saying a word, he pulled my lips down to his. Firstly it was just pressing lips together but I let glide my tongue over his closed lips and begged for entrance. He didn't let me in and I started to suck on his button lip, hard. My eyes were closed and I rested on him, my feet now between his. Most of my weight rested on my elbows. I sucked hard and felt aroused doing it. His breast hair tickled along the side of my arms, my collar bone and along my breast's side.  
  
After a lot of begging he allowed me tongue to slip into his gorgeous mouth. Now the duel was opened. My tongue was gliding along the side of his mouth, along his palentum and the alveoli. He was going crazy. I knew that gliding along the palentum could make you crazy, more than crazy. It's a feeling of it's own. It's tickling and teasing and sending electric shocks through your body - all in one! I felt his apex on my velum Wow this tongue is long And in a minute of forgiveness our tongues wanted to go the same way and met in the middle of it. Dancing, hard and wild, we made our way.  
  
I couldn't hold my weight on my elbows anymore, not under this sweet torture. I rested fully on him, and it sent a wave of arousal through my body when his pelvic met mine.  
  
His right hand was gliding under my nightgown and rested on the small of my back, moving up and down - making me crazy.  
  
Will it happen tonight after waiting for so long?   
  
I've never had no intercourse in such a long period. Normally there were men just brought home or to a cheap motel room, only to have sex with, sending them home with a wrong mobile phone number. Most of them made worse sex to me - just in out and that's it. Some where okay, but not incredible good. But sometimes, just laying under somebody, feeling the weight and the heartbeat was enough to stay alive, to let me feel like a woman and not only just a machine coordinated by the Center and the man who isn't my Dad.  
  
Sometimes I was also touching myself. Yes, also a couple of women's good old friends, named vibrators, joined the bedroom with me. These little toys were reserved for days I just needed a climax and a bottle of Vodka not to shoot myself, to end up with all this bullshit.  
  
But since the rape, I wasn't able to touch my sex anymore. It's like a taboo.  
  
I felt his penis erected under me. He was big. Can I take him again? The whole cock into my small vagina? He felt giant and he was really big, I remembered.  
  
It's long ago that I had somebody big inside me. Most of the handsome looking guys didn't look that well without boxer shorts, and in bed ... well... Jarod was big, twice the size of a normal guy, but when I remembered this feeling right - it had been incredible. Pleasure and pain can be a great mixture.  
  
My nightgown slowly moved up my hips without my help. I could feel his hair on my belly, tickling me, teasing me, torturing me. He never stopped kissing me passionate and hard but suddenly his lips went away. I looked at him.  
  
I don't want to stop this Parker ... just a small break for you ... to get out of this shade of silk, which is actually hiding some interesting parts of a delicious body.   
  
I said nothing. Instead I sat up, my vagina pressed against the bulk in cotton. Jarod gasped. I could feel how hard he was and how big. This cock was begging for freedom, like I was before to get into his sweet mouth.  
  
I pulled the gown over my head. I was sitting naked on him, just a quilt around his legs.  
  
Jarod you are such a good looking man.  
  
Thinking these words, his hands was fumbling up and down my hard belly What made me so wet? I could feel the moister on my inner tights? ... shit ... but what do I have to hide now? .. the tip of his cock is pressing against me ... it's not my mistake ... mistake ... mistake?  
  
Slowly his fingers reached the underside of my breasts. My nipples were so sensual at the moment, so when his fingers touched them, I was shortly before a small orgasm. An absolute new feeling for me because only less men had shown attention to my breasts. Only because they aren't like Pamela Anderson's, Dolly Parton's or Ann-Nicole Smith's? I think they fit me. I am not a big woman, so smaller breasts are okay with me. What should I do with breasts like melons? I couldn't run after Jarod because nobody would take me serious in my job!  
  
Most of those men were only interested in my body, a quickly in and out. They never asked me how it had been for me, or how they have been. Most of them were worse. One of them will never leave my mind because he came when I just pulled my jeans down, still wearing a pullover and full underwear! Silly isn't it?  
  
But now they started to change. My nipples got so sensual and a bit lighter brown now and they started to get heavier and a bit fuller. I like them.  
  
Oh ... my ... god. I moaned under this sweet touches. This time he wasn't stopping me and my goddess he got harder and harder under me.  
  
Mary do you know how much I love you?   
  
He loves you girl. He really loves you!  
  
I shook my head with a childish grin on my lips. He said nothing. My nipples were rock hard and they hurt. Shit.  
  
Show me how much you love me Jar!   
  
How do you expect me to show you?   
  
I am not sure how far you want to got!   
  
I will let you know when to stop.   
  
I nodded and let my pelvic circle above this mountain hard and large cock. I made his boxers wet and I didn't want to hide anything anymore. I was willing to let him in, to take him inside.  
  
No intercourse tonight. You know I want to go slow with it, don't hesitate. He pulled out between a couple of hard breaths.  
  
But it's okay for you to see me naked? I puked out sarcastically.  
  
You have a wonderful body honey. I just want to hold you tonight. He said But you are so wet Parker   
  
All for you I whispered.  
  
I felt the tension growing and my climax coming up soon. My clit was gliding around the rough cotton fabric of his boxers, and the hard cock under me did the rest. I stopped being able to think clear, breath or the rest of human abilities. I put my palms on his chest, to be able to sit when the first wave would hit me. Jarod was kneading my nipples, nearly to make me cry out loud.  
  
Come for me Parker   
  
And it hit me.  
  
Oh ... my ... god ... I ... am coming ... so hard ...   
  
Let it out Mary.   
  
I screamed his name in pleasure and collapsed on his chest, breathless.  
  
See Mary, we don't need intercourse.   
  
My body rested on his chest, my legs next to his hips. I nodded, my body rested on his, trying to get back to normal breath.  
  
It's not the same Jarod. I looked at him. These eyes  
  
Why?   
  
Jarod ... I thought you've been a sex therapist? But I don't mind I will tell you the big secret ... orgasms are different! There is a big difference, for me, between a vaginal and a clitoral climax.   
  
But you had a good one yet? He asked smilingly.  
  
Yeah.   
  
So Parker, where is the big difference between vaginal and clitoral? he let role the two body parts out of his mouth in a special way.  
  
He was really asking me a question like this! Parker don't laugh and tell him. Your Jarod is asking you questions. He had only brought you twice to an orgasm where he himself was involved ... in your imagination it had been more often ... he ... I had to smile. Tell him.   
  
The wave and the feeling is different, very different. And the fact that I had nothing in me when I came.  
  
He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.  
  
You want to much too fast.   
  
Mhm... ?   
  
It's good to know Jarod started, his hand rubbing my back cozily. That they are ours.   
  
I know.   
  
What else did your mum tell you?   
  
I started to suck on the pulse of his neck. She told me that there is only one man in the wide world who can make me happy, and give me what I need.   
  
She didn't say that!   
  
Not exactly these words but the meaning is the same.   
  
Mary? I don't want to say something wrong but you are showing fast. Don't you? I am new at the pregnancy chapter but I see that you are over the average now. He said and rolled me on my back. His hand was now able to rest on my belly.  
  
I know. my eyes got wet. I am afraid that we might not find a place to stay fast enough and that we might now have enough time.   
  
Hey calm down Mary. he said and kissed my tears away.  
  
Yes I was crying, bitterly. All my fears were coming up now, all the fears since the rape and since we found  
  
out that I was pregnant.  
  
We will find a good place, a save place to live.   
  
I looked in the most incredible brown eyes I had ever seen. You'll stay with me?   
  
If they should find you, they have to fight against me before. I will save you Mary, never leave you and the kids, never.   
  
I smiled happily.  
  
I am afraid Jarod. I sobbed. That I will not be able to hold them ... carry them ... to many complications last time ....   
  
You never mentioned troubles last time Mary.   
  
Not a lot at all, but my back made a lot of troubles and they were going to get so big ... I gained a lot to fast for my small body and my back ...   
  
You'll gain this time ...   
  
I will gain this time too a lot ... I think ... well ... I don't care this time ... last time ... Jarod I had to hide it as long as it was not obvious. I didn't want to let anybody know my little secret ... afraid of dad's reaction ... Mr. Parker's reaction.  
  
He kissed me softly, lips brushing together. He was tasting so well, so good. And it was so right.  
  
Last time I had to hide since it was obvious but this time I don't want to hide it. I am older now Jarod, the 40s are coming nearer. I want everybody to know how happy I am ... to let them know that we are together.  
  
He slowly kissed the tip of my nose.  
  
And that nothing can come between us. Kissed me again. You don't have to hide anything this time Mary.  
  
Will this man also love me when I am carrying a VW bug in front of me?  
  
Jarod you are perfect. He just smiled shyly at me.  
  
I love you Mary. Just cuddle with me tonight.   
  
  
  
*****  
  
I saw a small child sitting on a porch, alone, waiting. I went to him.  
  
What are you waiting for? I asked him and let him hold my hand. He was just 2, maybe 3 years old.  
  
They don't want me to play with them. Mama! He said and climbed into my lap. My son.  
  
Come over Frederick. A little voice shouted from under the tree.  
  
The boy jumped down. See you mum. I had to smile when I saw those little legs running to his siblings.  
  
Love you. I whispered, softly.  
  
Two girls were playing with cars and dolls under the tree, happily.  
  
What's the problem with them? I asked and I saw my mum next to me.  
  
You have to love them, all 3, the same way, not more and not less. You are not allowed to make any differences. These kids are genius, even if they don't know it Mary. She stood next to me her hand on my shoulder. You can't make differences between those 3 and others.   
  
Others? I was perplex.  
  
God have you an exercise Mary and you have to go through it. The pregnancy of these wasn't god's will.   
  
But?   
  
Just swear Mary, that you'll never make any differences in your love.   
  
I swear it Mama. I said, whipping tears from my cheeks.  
  
Look down on you two Mary. How does it feels?  
  
I made a step backwards and I saw us. We were sleeping calmly in each others arm. His hand rested on my belly, the other one under my head.  
  
It feels so good.   
  
Don't push him Mary. He just needs a couple of days. You can wait. She put her hand to mine, held it.  
  
He has his own plans and he want you to be save. You are such a bad girl sometimes Mary. she said and  
  
giggled.  
  
Why momma?   
  
You hurt him badly kissing this other guy. Jarod had seen more than you are thinking, been longer to the pub ... you haven't understood his reaction. Haven't you? Speak with Nanna about him, she'll be helping you.  
  
But you had never told me about your life in Ireland or Nanna!   
  
Never mentioned that's all. But she'll tell you everything she knows and she knows a lot about the Center and your, our family. Ask her about the "McGregor Saga". She'll know what to tell you.   
  
McGregor saga - sounds familiar to me!   
  
It should Mary, it should. She nodded.  
  
We looked down on the three kids playing under the tree, all three together. And than, suddenly, I got a picture in front of me, a new scene.  
  
A baby in a crib, sleeping calmly and another kids sleeping in a small bed next to the crib. There faces didn't look familiar to me yet.  
  
Take care of them Mary. she said and went away, all the light around her.  
  
She just turned around and said Ibis, redibis, non morieris in bello!   
  
  
  
C: What's the McGregor Saga? And how will Jarod react to the new situation? 


	17. Chapter 16 - When I was young ....

Author's note: Okay I am back, the ideas aren't the best but it's working I think. I should write a movie critic right now for a seminar at University, but it's so boring. that I decided to write a new chapter for my lovely and nice story - because I don't want to see one of your bored. *lol *  
  
Rating: whatever you want between G and R, depends on your emotional conditions * lol *  
  
Archive: www.missparkerjarod.hollywood.com - you can post it on your side too, be sure that my name is on it and that's it & send me an email where I can find it!  
  
Feedback: miss.parker@gmx.at or/and mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
*************  
  
CHAPTER 16 - WHEN I WAS YOUNG ...  
  
*************  
  
I laid there in the big bed, alone. I noticed it because I my body laid in bed in the wrong direction, from his side to mine. But he wasn't there. Jarod was away.  
  
Where is this lovely little guy? I asked myself wanting him to be there to kiss me. I wanted to tell him that the last night had been one of the most beautiful ones in my whole life.  
  
I felt fat right now when I tried to sit up. You three are getting big dears. I thought and leaned my head against the head board. Sitting there, thinking about my last night's dream.  
  
It was strange, I never thought of getting kids at all, but now? Now I am into triplets and those scenes Mum showed me made me really nervous and I am not sure what she wanted to tell me.  
  
Okay fatty get out of this bed, under the shower and downstairs to Nanna. I said and headed to the shower. I had slept next to him, arm in arm, naked. He had worn his boxer shorts when I remember it correctly. Or?  
  
I stood in front of the mirror letting my hand rest on my swollen belly. Everybody should see it, like I told him at night.  
  
Than I took a shower, a long and warm one, oiling my body with the fear to get any stretchmarks. I am afraid of getting some, if I'll oil enough there will not be any. And if, will Jarod love me with them?  
  
I went out of the bathroom, heading to my drawer . I fastly get into some cloths. I am not sure what to wear, so I got into a dark blue skirt, very short and a pale pink pullover. I really love these soft combinations, not telling people that I am the living Ice Queen, that I was the living Ice Queen.  
  
I am not what I have been before. I put on a soft make up, only powder and mascara, not like when I was working for the Center, only some color.  
  
******  
  
Good morning Nanna.   
  
Morning Mary. Nice dreams?   
  
I nodded and took my seat from yesterday night. I sat there my hands around a cup of hot herbal tea.  
  
Yeah I think so ... you knew my mum very well ... Nanna can I ask you a question?   
  
Whatever you want to know Mary, you should know that!   
  
It's not that easy Nanna ... had momma ever had dreams ... ? I looked at her, not knowing what to say, how to complete the sentence.  
  
You mean dreaming of her future. Oh yes and she knew that life would be hard and short for her. She knew when she was 15 that she will die without having you seen growing up, getting a woman.   
  
Softly some tears run down my cheeks. But how ... ?   
  
It's her inner sense and you have the same sense in you.   
  
I looked into the warm liquid in the cup. She was right and I knew it, that I have the same sense like my mum. Jarod had once told me that I am more like my mum that I have ever thought. Does being like mum also includes dying that early? Let's change the topic, and ask her about the McGregor Saga.   
  
Nanna, where is Jarod?  
  
I don't know but I think he's looking for a place to stay. He knows that time is running and that you've not a lot of time. The only thing he's interested is to know you save.   
  
I know Nanna, I know.   
  
So my dear don't push him into something he's not into at the moment. He'll give you whatever you want and need but don't push him.   
  
What are you talking about Nanna?   
  
You know what I am talking about.   
  
No I don't. I said harshly. I knew what she was talking about, talking about sex but from whom does she know about things like that, things which never had left the bedroom.  
  
I beg Mary that you'll not push Jarod into intercourse before he tells you that time is up for it.   
  
How do you know? I said, staring at her, absolutely surprised.  
  
Let me say it's an inner sense.   
  
I sat there, staring at her like there would be God in front of me, the holy creature the wise man.  
  
Tell me what the McGregor Saga is Nanna, now! I said, deep voice and in a hard tone.  
  
There is more behind all those curtains than you know and they will tell you. You have to find it out Mary now.   
  
Your mum told you ? Well it was only a matter of time I think.   
  
Tell me Nanna please.   
  
I will ... would you help me with the potatoes and I will tell you the story.   
  
Is it just a story?   
  
No Mary it's my life. ....  
  
I was about your age working for a rich family. The family was named McGregor, they had many factories and everything you could think of. I was working for them in the household, helping wherever I was needed. But the economical situation wasn't the best during the 20s and so they wanted me to get married. I never thought about getting married because I was working for them, not allowed to have an affaire or to marry.  
  
I told them that I am not interested in the gardener and not into the cook, I wanted to live my own life and now being arrested, locked in the kitchen or whatever.  
  
Like I said they had everything, the only thing they couldn't get for money were children. Lady McGregor wasn't able go get children unfortunately but they needed a heir. Firstly they wanted to adopt a child, but it didn't work – I can't remember the reason and after a couple of months and many different doctors, they asked me if I would give them a heir. I was surprised and shocked, all in once.   
  
I think you were ... I would ... I was surprised too when I ... we found out that I am pregnant. I pelt a potato and looked at her. And?   
  
Well I had to sleep with Lord McGregor a gorgeous and handsome guy. He was cute and tried to be a good lover. Unfortunately it didn't work the first time and after a couple of times he had been in my bed, we found out that there was more between us. He started ... well I got pregnant finally, and the little girl I gave birth to was Catherine.   
  
You are the mother of my mum? I was surprised but happily. I hugged her tight, pulling her near me, against my heart. She stumbled something but I didn't listen. She had just nodded. It was the most wonderful surprise somebody ... Jarod could give me. He knew how to surprise me.  
  
Suddenly I heard somebody crying, it was Jarod. He was crying, shit.  
  
  
  
*******  
  
I ran out the small door seeing him sitting there, being shot with something in his arms. I knelt before him as good as possible and helped him to get on his feet. I saw the red liquid running down is shoulder. He got shot. By whom?   
  
Jarod we have to go inside.   
  
Nanna was standing in the door, waiting for us, looking around like she would know who it had been who had shot my love.  
  
He, holding the "thing" in his arms, leaned against me and we went inside into the kitchen. He sat down, laying the "thing" on the table. I helped him out of the jacket to have a look how deep the wound was. Slowly I opened each button of his black shirt, not noticing the "thing" on the table. Nanna was standing beside me with the first aid kid.  
  
Who did it? she asked him. I was unable to say something. I was shocked and I didn't want him to see how sorry and worried I was.  
  
Hell why does something like that always has to happen to us. They separated us more than once why can't they let us live our lives without pain and sorrow?   
  
He is in pain and I could see it in his eyes. The bullet sat deep in his shoulder, one of us would have to call a doctor.  
  
I will call a doc. I said and was on the way to the telephone.  
  
Don't Mary, we'll have it out within a minute. It's not that deep. I know how to get it out. It was like a daily routine when my husband worked for the IRA.   
  
So you've been married afterwards?   
  
Oh yes, when they headed to the States and your mother was sent to her boarding school they gave me a lot of money and this was my ticket to get married.  
  
I just nodded and helped Jarod to lay down on the table, laying the "thing" on the chair were he sat before.  
  
Mary ... ? He said softly.  
  
Yes Jarod, what do you want me to do. Hold your hand when she operates you?  
  
No ... I am a strong man, not the little boy anymore.   
  
What happened my love?   
  
My love ... well ... Mary the Center is here too. I have been at the airport to get him, to get the last thing from the States and I think it was a huge mistake, but I couldn't let him stay there with them. He said soft, nearly whispering.  
  
Who? And Jarod turned his head softly to the chair.  
  
What do you mean ? I asked him.  
  
Shit this is feeling like fire ... what's running into the wound now?   
  
Russian vodka. Nanna said, laughing. It's a better cleaner than any medical stuff. Want a mouth full? He nodded.  
  
This wound has to hurt badly.  
  
I looked on the chair again and grabbed the "thing". I hold it in my arms. I felt a the "thing" moving, a soft whimpering. What's it?   
  
Slowly I let my hand glide under the white soft cotton and I saw ... I saw ... my little brother, the Baby Brother. He was sleeping deeply in my arms in Ireland, far away from the Center.  
  
I noticed a loud scream. Jarod. Jarod, was screaming. He was in pain. I grabbed his hand, holding it close to us, the baby and me.  
  
Jarod how did you get him? He was now laying there with a soft smile in his lips.  
  
Nanna covered the wound and helped him to sit up.  
  
It will hurt a couple of days but it's not that bad, not like it looked first to me. You'll be like new in a bout 2 weeks.   
  
Thanks Nanna. He said and placed a kiss on her cheek, she blushed shyly.  
  
Jarod? I asked him, getting my brother out of the white cotton, just holding in tight in my arms, his head next to my heart. Tears were running down my cheeks. I couldn't believe that he had gotten him, that my brother was now here to be with me forever. Nobody would ever split us up again. You mean to much to me to let you go.   
  
I felt his arm around my shoulder. He leaned against me and kissed my neck.  
  
I asked Syd if he wants to help me and when I told him about my plan ... well let me say that I hadn't to ask twice. Angelo got him out of the Sub- Level and Syd brought him to a stewardess, Jenny, who took him with her to Dublin.   
  
I cried soft and happy tears. I couldn't believe it.  
  
He's more than he seems to be, Mary! Nanna said and went out of the kitchen to give us some minutes.  
  
I love you for doing this for me.   
  
I wanted to see you happy and he reminded me of us, being imprisoned for ages and he's so young and so innocent. I nodded and turned around to kiss him.  
  
The baby was between us, between to people who love each other with every part of the heart. I love you Mary. he whispered in my ear.  
  
You know that I love you too.   
  
Let's change Frederick's diapers. I think he needs a change. I said and laughed.  
  
Let me kiss you first. He said, placed his hand on my belly and let his hands brush mine, softly, getting more furious within seconds. His tongue was softly gliding into me, licking my button lip, gliding up and down my palentum.  
  
I broke up.  
  
Jarod, it's not the right time now. Let us bring him upstairs, bath him and let him nap a bit. He's still a baby and has baby needs. I said laughing.  
  
I still couldn't believe it.  
  
________________________ TBC___________________________  
  
C: the Center is in Ireland? The baby?  
  
I know that this is not one of my best ... but I needed a chapter to get into a new part of the story. ; - ) 


	18. Chapter 17 - Julian

Author's note: Sorry that it took that long but I also have a little life, not a lot right now and not the best, but still better than none ;)  
  
So please excuse the little delay * evilgrin *  
  
Rating: whatever you want between G and R, depends on your emotional conditions * lol *  
  
Archive: www.missparkerjarod.hollywood.com - you can post it on your side too, be sure that my name & Email at it  
  
Feedback : mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
*************  
  
CHAPTER 17 - J U L I A N  
  
*************  
  
So why is the Center in Ireland? I thought we would be save her! I said running up and down the room.  
  
You don't want to name him Frederick – don't you? I asked me.  
  
Why not? I ask him, stopping at the window, watching him smiling at me.  
  
It's a horrible name Mary. You don't to hear somebody call him "Freddie" all the time, like Freddie Krüger, don't you?   
  
I giggled. I never imagined that my Jarod would watch movies like this. I mean he was free now, yeah but movies like Freddie Krüger? Stay cool Mary, let him tell you what he wants, how he wants to name the baby.   
  
No I don't want this baby to be called Freddie by anybody. I sat down next to him. Jarod was laying in our bed, the baby on my side.  
  
Look at him Mary, look how cute he is and these incredible blue eyes ... he looks like you Mary, like you.   
  
No not like me. He's not like me Jarod, never could be. I touched his soft skin beneath the bandage. How are you feeling? I asked him, placing a kiss on the part where my hand rested before.  
  
I am always fine when you are around.   
  
Jarod, be honest.   
  
I want this baby to have a wonderful name, something new – to let us start a new life with this boy.   
  
We have already started a new life. He hand rested on my belly. You know that, don't you? I started my new life with you on the day I called you to help me. You were the only one who would be there for me, the only one I could think of in this situation.   
  
C'mere and kiss me May. I felt his hand on my neck, pulling me down, kissing me hard and passionate.  
  
When the baby started to whimper, we broke up.  
  
We should get used to the fact that we'll not have a lot of free time, time for us alone during the next 20 years. He said and smiled at me.  
  
I think I could handle this as long as you are there when I go to bed and still there when I wake up in the morning, when I can rest my head on your muscular male chest and my legs between yours, when you kiss me in the morning, join me in the shower ....   
  
Stop that Mary, we have a baby next to us .... not in front of the baby honey. We both had to giggle.  
  
So now tell me Jarod, why is the Center here?   
  
They aren't only here ... they are just a step behind us, they've been that all the time.   
  
What do you mean?   
  
What are you talking about Jarod, only a step behind us?   
  
The day we went to Dublin, Lyle, Mr. Parker and Raines arrived in Canada. Well I left them a small "present" but believe me Parker ... if we ... well we were close to ...   
  
Why haven't you told me? I ask him, letting my fingers run over his cheek.  
  
I don't want you to get nervous or anxious, it's not good for the kids.   
  
Okay .... why are they in Ireland ... I mean the baby ...   
  
He has the Pretender gene too.   
  
How?   
  
What is he again talking about?   
  
He isn't your father's child.   
  
Nothing new ... my father and kids, well ...   
  
And?   
  
Syd things that he is ours.   
  
What? I looked at him, staring in those dark eyes. I have been there at his birth and I am sure that I wasn't the one who had given birth.   
  
Sure you weren't – but have you never thought why Brigitte got pregnant? I mean she know about her illness, don't she?   
  
Yeah ... think so. My hand on his, both still on my belly. But why is Sydney thinking that the baby would be mine and yours? I mean, how?   
  
Have a look at your belly and you know how they are working. Maybe he was only the first attempt to create their own perfect Pretender. He would never had seen the sunlight if there wouldn't have been Syd and Broots helping me with this escape.   
  
But how did you ... ?   
  
I wasn't involved in the plan firstly. It was Broots and Debbie who got him out of the Center one night, the only thing is that Broots never brought him back.   
  
Shit ... is Broots still ... ?   
  
Mary - Broots is fine and he wanted you to raise him. He went with Debbie to Australia to start a new life there too.   
  
I smiled at him. This was right, he also had the right to live. Debbie, if I could ever see her again? He was always loyal to me and Debbie was a lovely girl. The couple of night I was allowed to baby sit her were fun, for me and her.  
  
That's good. I took the crying baby on my arm and whipped it slowly. You know Mary, this is your life, the way it should be! I heard my mum telling me.  
  
So how want should he be named? Does he still has a name? He asked me, his dark eyes stripping my blouse off.  
  
No Jarod, he has no name – I think he never got a birth certificate. Well he has to get one before we leave Dublin ... I murmured.  
  
He will Mary and he also will get baptized before we leave. Say me where you want it should be and I will get all the papers we need.   
  
No .... you will rest and I will go downstairs with the baby.   
  
Name?   
  
What? I asked him, the baby staring at me, the fingers in the fabric of my blouse.  
  
Give him a name ... I can't stand it always talking about "the baby". He giggled and grabbed my tight.  
  
Julian I run my fingers over the baby's head. I want to name him Julian Sydney.   
  
Julian Sydney! Sounds like a Don Juan   
  
Hey Jarod ... he's just a baby. I said sarcastically. I will go downstairs and leave you here. Do me a favor and rest a bit, you will need your strength.  
  
Why can't you stay here with me, lay next to me and just be there. He said softly.  
  
Because you wouldn't relax when I am around ... I know that.   
  
His fingers ran up and down my tight and he aroused me more than ever. The baby on my arm, another 3 in me and the most wonderful man next to me –what could I want more? I wanted more, just sitting here in a hotel room wasn't enough – I wanted a house and my own space, not waiting for somebody to run up and down the floor outside. I want to run naked from the bathroom to the bedroom and from the kitchen to the living room if I want to.  
  
And I want to have sex, yes I want to have sex all night long if possible and not just in my thoughts like at the moment – fantasize about having Jarod inside me, touching my breasts like the baby was doing now. He grabbed me hard, tickled me nipples. Holy shit, I am getting wet only thinking about it ... and ... my nipples ...the baby.   
  
I am going now Jarod. I will be back soon because I am sure that he needs some sleep too.   
  
Sure? Well at the moment he seems to be busy with your tits.   
  
Jarod ... I laughed out loud.  
  
I know that it's my fault because I am not busy with them.   
  
Stop that now or you have to take me right here.   
  
Okay run away Parker ... like every time I tease you ... every time I want you to get hot and do what you are dreaming of ...   
  
What do you mean ... me getting hot Jarod? I teased him with my fingers over his chest.  
  
You are waiting for me to make the first step, but it's not me who has to be ... you are pregnant, the rape isn't long ago and I want you to fix the night where you want to have sex again. Believe me last night was a torture for me.  
  
Was it? I asked him, standing up. I came really good for not having sex, only petting ... I think I never came the way I did yesterday.   
  
Good to hear. He said softly.  
  
Okay ... take a nap – I will be next to you when you wake up.   
  
And Julian? he asked me, staring at me.  
  
Oh Julian .... we are out of order at the moment so he will be next to me, between us.   
  
Don't let him fall in the gap between us.   
  
I will not, be sure ... I kissed him on his forehead and left the room.  
  
  
  
*******  
  
I was sitting in the kitchen next to Nanna who was grinning at the baby in my arm.  
  
You look like your mother on the photo. She stood up and headed to a small cupboard next to the basin. I knew that I have it here. She said and came back with a black/white photograph of my mum and me. I wasn't older than Frederick ... Julian.  
  
You are so beautiful Mary, like your mother was. I never understood why she married Mr. Parker and not your father.   
  
So who is my father. You know it ... don't you?   
  
This is one of the secrets you have to solve on your own. She let her fingers softly touch the baby's left cheek. The time will run and you'll have to take care of three more. It will not be easy for you, but Mary, you have to leave me now. You aren't save here anymore.   
  
I know Nanna ... I started to cry, shaking softly. Don't cry with me Julian. I told the baby who was staring at me with these incredible eyes, like mine when I was younger and happier, before my mum died. I just met you a couple of days ago and now I have to leave you ... I sobbed.  
  
Don't cry baby, don't cry – we'll meet again I swear. It's just for the next couple of weeks. You have to hide and Jarod has found a nice house in the very north of Ireland.   
  
In the very north? That's miles away from you Nanna. I never have had a granny and now my boy is losing his great granny before he had the possibility to get in touch with her.   
  
Great granny? she asked me  
  
Do you know Sydney? ... well he thinks that the baby is mine and Jarod's ... that he was created by the Center like the ones who are in me now.   
  
Created ... let me hold my first born great grand son.   
  
I never thought about having a granny Nanna, it feels so good to me, to have somebody to talk to ... it's feeling like mum would be around ... you are so much like she was.  
  
Sounds like you remember her very well .... it's a faith.   
  
I do ... I handed her Julian over and he slowly started to cry, just softly whimpers. ... and how is it feeling?   
  
It feels right – your mother would say that.   
  
She would.   
  
I imagined my mum would be here with us – 4 generations would sit around the table than. Thanks mum for sending me Nanna and thank you for phoning Jarod in the hardest situation in my lifetime. What would have happened if I would have called Mr. Parker or Lyle? I wouldn't be alive anymore or arrested in a dark cage in a sublevel just to bear their new Pretender.  
  
Where is the house? I asked.  
  
It's in the very north of the country, near the English boarder. He told me that it's situated outside Donegal Town, somewhere between Letterkenny and Donegal Town.   
  
How is this area?   
  
Oh honey it's the most beautiful area I have ever seen, you can't compare it to the states because it's perfect. It only has soft hills, everything is green and in summer you have flowers everywhere. It's raining a lot from November till April but I think you will get used to it soon. The house is big, he told me, about 3 floors .... everything you need.   
  
Sounds like we'll become a real family.   
  
"You" will get your first real family.  
  
I will ... I murmured. My first ....   
  
You can be happy to have Jarod next to you – he's wonderful and loves you with all his heart.   
  
I know ... the same with me.   
  
Hope so ... she said sarcastically.  
  
Come let's make a little shopping trip. You'll need a couple of things for him and your new life. Letterkenny is the highest populated town in this area but pretty small at all – and soon you'll not be able to leave the house very often. You'll need to rest a lot and relax.   
  
I will, be sure. I said, sounding like a baby because she babied me. I was an adult woman, who knows about rights and wrongs.  
  
Okay let's go Nanna, I can't wait ... I haven't made a real shopping tour in years. I said smiling at her happily.  
  
______________ TBC ____________________  
  
C: A shopping tour with Ms. Parker? * evilgrin * 


	19. Chapter 18 - A new life

Author's note: don't judge me for these songs I was listening to . it was a bit Dolly Parton (yeah also known in Europe) and maybe a bit Celine Dion . but main things are out of a story I read in the last "Glamour" a German magazine. . okay also a bit of "Divas live" Author: Mary Eve Parker Feedback .. welcome always and forever - mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com General note: Parts 1-17 can be found at: http://missparkerjarod.hollywood.com/pretender_general_stories.html Rating: a bit of everything * eg * . okay . NC17 *************** CHAPTER 18 - A new Life *************** Two weeks had passed since Jarod was shot and he was till not fine. He didn't want to show me the pain it caused him when I touched him, accidentally at night, but I could see it in his face. Nevertheless we had to get the baby, Julian, baptized. And so we did. One Sunday afternoon we went with Nanna to St. Patrick Cathedral. The priest was very nice, asked us a lot about the baby and he noticed that I was big, but he didn't say a word. I couldn't stay a priest asking me a question about my physical conditions The priest called O'Donnell, baptized the baby in a small ceremonial and gave him his name Julian Tristan . A name I always wanted to name one of my children but I hadn't ever spend a thought on kids till this accident. But now everything deals with it. On the way back from Church Jarod looked into such a child cloth shop and feel in love with a couple of pink things, till I told him that there is no chance to bring something pink into my house. Nanna and I laughed. I really hate pink, since I was little. ***** ***** And you swear Nanna that you will come soon to see me there on the landscape? Yes Mary I will come as soon as possible but now you have firstly to take care of you and Jarod and Julian. They are more important than I am , they should be. .. don't cry Mary you are a big girl and big girls don't cry! I am a small girl into a big girls body! I said between sobbing. I can't leave you Nanna, not yet! I really need you . You don't need me Mary, you are old enough to take care of your own and Jarod is there too! Yes I forgot .. my big baby boy. I said and grinned into his direction. I have something for you . it's a book your mum once sent me from the states . a book of her favorite writer .. Walt Whitman. Mum liked Whitman? I couldn't believe it. Yeah Mary, Whitman and Paterson . they are so different but she loved them with all her heart. Paterson? An Australian poet. I think I have the other book in the attic . I will bring it with me when I come to visit you! She was fantastic. She handed me the old dark blue covered book, on which in big golden letters the title was "Leaves of Grass" on it. And when I opened it I found a bookmark at page 44. Don't read it now Mary, let Jarod read it out for you when you arrived at the new house. she looked at Jarod's. Will you boy? I will Nanna, sure I will. he said and let his hand glide over my back. I kissed her goodbye, took Julian from her arm and headed to the car. Jarod told me that he wanted to drive as long as possible because he would know the way exactly. It didn't bother me because I had to take care of Julian- we hadn't bought a child seat for the car yet. I looked back, tears in my eyes, to see Nanna crying too. It seems to be so final that we wouldn't meet never again. Was it final? Just a feeling deep inside me? My pregnancy went on fine. I gained more weight than I wanted to, but because of the fact that I never got to the doc yet, I didn't really know if anything is fine but I felt fine so why shouldn't the kids not be fine? But I felt well and Jarod told me that as long as I feel well, they would be fine too. Julian was sleeping my arm under my coat. Jarod slowly turned the radio on. I had never done it before. I looked at him, wanting to ask him why he wanted to listen to music, it was unusual for him. But he just let his fingers brush over my right inner tight and grinned at me. I started to relax, we were just outside of Dublin on the motorway, not American motorway, hell no not that fine. Nanna told me that we'll be about 5 hours in the car, to cross half the country. If you want my love You've only got to take it And if you get my heart Do anything but break it Bonnie Tyler was singing one of her most amazing songs. When I was a little younger I loved her songs, her voice and every title she tried to sing. Amazing. And this one was something special to me. I looked at Jarod, he was driving - in thoughts. What would I do, boy, if you would just take me. I know you'd not break my heart, you've never tried to hurt me at all.   
  
And if you wanna know the truth  
  
I think about you only  
  
And whatever I'm doin'  
  
You're never out of my mind How true. Also in my dreams, you are always there, next to me, holding me, kissing me and sometimes if my imagination is very good, I let your fingers slowly rub down my belly, your lips fixed on my breasts .. your fingers crushing into my curls ...   
  
  
  
Oh I believe in your sweet love  
  
Oh I believe in your sweet love  
  
  
  
There's a way you've got  
  
Something in the mixture  
  
As the night goes on  
  
You could become a fixture You are my fixture Jarod. I couldn't life without you. Not one day, not an hour at all.  
  
  
  
Oh I believe in your sweet love  
  
Oh I believe in your sweet love  
  
  
  
Oh I, I ,I believe  
  
Oh I, I, I believe She finished her singings and I drifted into a light sleep, a dreamless sleep. ***** ***** I noticed that the car was stopping. What happened? Where we there? Was I sleeping all the time? Slowly I opened my eyes and noticed that we parked in front of a lovely country house, not US style of course. I looked into my arms and noticed that Julian wasn't there anymore, Jarod next to me away too. In fear about both I jumped out of the car and headed to the house. One window was lightened. It was very cold and it seems like it had snowed the last couple of days all day through. Jarod? I asked softly Here are we. Come in Parker. he said and I got out of my wet shoes, out them next to his and headed to the lightened room. Jarod was sitting there on the floor with a lot of cushions and some quilts, the baby next to him. With a big smile I went to him, hand on my belly. Hungry. As good as possible in this tight jeans I got down to Jarod, to sit or lean next to him, near the fire which heated the room. I wanted to have a look at the wound. Stop that Parker, I am really fine. He got up, took Julian and brought him away. I got up and headed after him.  
  
Oh my goodness. was the only thing I could think of. Jarod stood in the middle of a wooden baby room. Each part of the furniture was out of light brown wood, just the walls were soft blue. He laid him down into his crib and went back to the door were I was standing - still a bit amazed. I love you Jarod, do you know that? No, show me! Holy god, did he said that? He leaned into me, his left hand resting on my belly and the right on my side, his thumb making small circles on my breasts. I couldn't resist to moan softly, when his lips touched mine, and his tongue locked mine to him. I don't know how long we were standing there, kissing and softly touching each other. Suddenly he broke up and looked at me. Go and get into something more comfortable. I will go and get the book out of the car. There is a robe in the bath room. Thanks Jarod. Where is the bathroom? I chuckled. Ours is upstairs, the second door on the left side. How many do we have? More than one. he joked and I let my hand harshly wander down to the bulge in his jeans and squeeze him a bit. Stop that Mary .. we have 4 .. okay? That's what I call an answer! He headed away and I went upstairs, only making a last having a last view on Julian. He was sleeping calmly in his new crib. I shut off the lights and went upstairs. ***** ***** When I came down in the dark red flannel robe, Jarod was still waiting for me next to the fire. You look amazing. he said and I smiled in response. I sat down. He slide behind me, taking me between his legs, let my head rest on his shirtless male, muscular chest. It felt so good, so real, amazing. It seemed like his arm didn't make any troubles at the moment. His hand rested in my breasts, softly my nipples got hard, and pressed into his palms. I closed my eyes and he lifted the book from next to him. Your mum had an exquisite taste in literature. He said and opened the book. I let my eyes closed, just wanted to hear his male voice and smell his own scent. This one is where the bookmark was in Mary. ...   
  
You sea! I resign myself to you also . I guess what you mean, I behold from the beach your crooked inviting fingers, I believe you refuse to go back without feeling me; We must have a turn together . I undress . hurry me out of sight of the land Holy god, his one hand played with the robe, letting it clef open a bit, only to see my breasts and the beginning of my belly. Touch me Jarod while I listen to your words. Cushion me soft . rock me in billowy drowse, Dash me with amorous wet . I can repay you. I am wet, just waiting for you Like it? He asked me and I just nodded in response. Sea of stretched ground swells! Sea breathing broad and convulsive breaths! Sea of the brine scooper of storms! Capricious and dainty sea! I am integral with you . I too am of one phase and of all phases He stopped. Continue I begged. I thought you drifted to sleep. No I am just listening and imaginating the pics you present me. Partaker of influx and efflux . extoller of hate and conciliation, Extoller of amies and those that sleep in each others' arms I am he attesting sympathy; Shall I make my list of things in the house and skip the house that supports them? Jarod's hand was now on my breast, playing with my sensitive skin, bringing me to moan and bug my breast into his palm. Slowly I felt his lips on my neck, on the sensitive spot behind me ear. I sucked it and I thought that I would be dreaming. I felt his hard phallus pressing against my back and I slowly moved up to feel him a bit better and give him a better success to do what ever he wants to do with me. He undid my robe and let it glide down my shoulders. It had been him who started this game, so I was willing - for days now - to give him whatever he wants. His one hand caressed my belly, not telling me or letting me notice how big I was. I turned around to face him, to see all this lust in his dark brown eyes. This was the night, tonight . maybe . hopefully. We started kissing, softly in the beginning but suddenly I started to suck his lip into my mouth, and up from that moment, every barrier was broken. We laid down, next to each other. The fire lightened the room romantically. I was laid down on cushions and soft things, not to ache my back. His hand were firmly on my breast, kneading it harshly. I moaned load. You don't know how long I wanted to touch you like this Mary? No .. just show me now. I said half unconscious of arousal of his sweet torture. And he did. His lips left mine and wandered down over my breasts, slowly down to my huge belly, licking my belly button, giving kissed all over it. Slowly he parted my legs, to get the success I had wanted to nearly 3 months. And he did what I had dreamed of with his tongue, torturing me, teasing me and finally bringing me to the edge and letting me down softly. I moaned his name, screamed it a couple of times before his fingers left me and I started to control my breath again. It was an hard exercise if somebody you really love was liking you till you thought you have to die at the next stroke of his fingers. He looked at me. I laid there breathless, my hands on my breaths to comfort their new weight a bit. He had noticed this change and paid special attention to them, but this wasn't enough for the moment. He moved next to me and started to such like a baby. Suddenly he broke and looked at me. You are leaking honey he said giggling and indeed something like milk was on his lips. But he didn't care. He got down again and sucked more and more out of me. Honestly, it felt amazing. Jarod was my little baby boy, like I always say. My hand wandered down his brief boxers. His erection was huge, like many years ago, and I started to free it with just one hand. He gasped when I got it out and let my fingers slowly glide over the 8 and a half inches of hard flesh. It didn't took long till I was on all my fours and he got into me. Hell it hurt in the beginning but after the first slow trust it stopped hurting or pleasure started, however you want to take it. I hadn't had sex during my last pregnancy, but this was feeling more than good this time. Sure positions were limited but who cares. He loves me - I told myself - and that's the most important thing. I haven't pushed him into anything. After a couple of harder strokes I felt my walls tighten and him over me, resting his warm big hands on my buttocks, getting faster and faster. And I came, like I've never come before. This whole sex was different from the one I had before. After he pulled out, I got down. My arms hurt from carrying most of my weight. I laid down, Jarod next to me, kissing me softly. You can't imagine Mary how long I wanted to be inside you . how long I wanted to hear you screaming my name. It felt so right Mary, so wonderful right. I know Jarod. I drifted into deep sleep, being hold, tight in Jarod arms, just a quilt around us. ***** ***** Next Midday Mary speaking. Hey Mary the other speaker said. Who are you? I asked. Debbie. Hey Debbie how are you doing? How did you get this number? Oh Jarod gave it to Daddy and he told me that if I would want I could call you. It's wonderful to hear your voice. I tear escaped my eye. How are you doing Deb? Fine Mary. And you? Syd said that you are pregnant. He did? Well yeah I am pregnant - from head to toe. That bad? she asked softly. No, its wonderful . if the Centre wouldn't be behind us. I know they are. I am really sorry that you have to run. I think we can stay here at least till the babies are born. Babies? Didn't Syd told you? . Honey we get triplets. Holy Shit ... sorry Ms. Parker I didn't mean to . It's okay .. I reacted the same way when .. ________________________TBC__________________________ note: the lyrics are from Bonnie Tyler note 2: the Walt Whitman poem: song of myself Nr. 22 


	20. Chapter 19 - All by myself

Note: Thanks for all the feedback I got lately and thanks to Dianne who will beta this as soon as she's through the rest of this story – I know that it is not any easy job, I am a teacher on my own, but of course German – my mother tongue. 

I also want to thank Andrea Parker for being such an inspiration and Céline Dion – both are getting me through this very well. And thanks Céline for singing such amazing songs, they are the best inspiration I ever had. So this is dedicated to both of you  - Andy and of course Céline

This time I got the inspiration form the Diva Las Vegas Concert which was more than amazing, all my favs were there and from an older CD of Céline – "Falling into you" esp. the song "All by myself" … when I listen to it I always have to think of Ms. Parker. Don't you? 

Rating: normally between PG13 and NC17/R

Author: Mary Eve Parker    mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com 

They don't have to see you cry Chapter 19  - All by myself 

_***Letterkenny in the County Donegal / North of Ireland *** _

It was a very small city, not even a city it was more a town, a quite small one but the biggest in the whole county an old lady told me. I never got such a nice welcome somewhere. Jarod left me a note at home telling me, that he would go to Londonderry to get some things and will be back in the evening. So I had a whole day for me and Julian. We needed some time to get comfortable with each other and to get the possibility to know each other a bit more and of course better. It was something new for me to have somebody to take care of, normally it was enough to take care of my own, and now we were 5 human beings and 4 of them of course to young to take care of them alone. I am not ever sure if I am able to take care of myself, I am not really good at it, often got hurt through the last years and of course … if course I knew nobody here at the town, that's why I told myself to go out with the boy. We had bought a buggy for Julian – the most beautiful baby I had ever seen, but I haven't seen a lot, because I never had a lot of friends. I never had the possibility to make real friends, Mr. Parker always had his fingers in the game. I was never sure whom I could trust and whom not, so I decided only to trust myself and Sydney of course. Syd was always there when I needed him, now he was too far away to talk to him and it wasn't the most secure way to talk to somebody who is involved in the whole shit we needed to get out of.

I went out with Julian and we spent the whole day in town. The church was something really fascinating. It was an old church, I would say 19th Century and the altar in it was black marble, yeah only black stone. I got in with Julian, letting the baggy in the back and we headed to it. The priest was talking to somebody and Julian was smiling at him and playing with my, now really, too long hair. I got used to let it long because Jarod liked it the long way, like I was wearing it years ago. 

The baby was sitting on my hip and smiling at the foreigner like he would know him very well and Julian wasn't used to foreigners. I wondered why he didn't cry when we met first in Dublin, but it was something like a thick bondage which held us together.

"Are you knew in Leitir Ceanainn?" he asked me when I was turning around to go back to the child's buggy.

"Yes Sir I am." I smiled and he stared at my belly which was really getting big lately. 

"You sound like American, aren't you girl?" 

He really seemed to be a nice one. I didn't like men in black robes from his type at all but he seemed to be different.

"Yes Sir I am." 

"Don't call me Sir girl, I am Father Padraigh" 

"Thanks Father, I am … I am Mary" I answered him. He would be the third person who would call me by my first name – only Nana and Jarod did the same. 

"Nice … Mary …. And who is this?" he asked me and pointed on the baby. 

"Oh excuse  … that's Julian, my son" 

"Nice to know you Julian." He said and asked by hand if he could hold him for a minute and Julian let him, grabbing with his little fingers for the dark cloth of the Father. 

"He's a lovely kid, we don't have to many kids … most of the older ones are going to Dublin or leaving for England to get well paid jobs …. And of course they aren't coming back or at least very seldom." 

I just smiled at him and put my hand on my back, it killing me since a couple of days more often than before. 

"When will you be due?" he asked me, looking at my belly. I let  my other hand rest on my belly and smiling at him.

"Oh that … we are just in the middle of the miracle." I said and went to the bank to lean against the back of it. Now he was able to see it fully, the whole… 

"Miracle?" he asked me and looked deep into my eyes. In exactly this moment I let them wander to the floor. 

"We are expecting triplets." I told him with a soft shaking voice. 

"Holy Mary" was the only thing he got out. "Sounds like a lot of work for you and your husband." 

"We aren't married yet." I told him honestly "But we want to get married soon. We have been into too much troubles lately to think about marriage … " 

"Oh … well … you have a lovely boy and you will have a wonderful big family soon I am sure you solved all you troubles."

"I hope so too Father." Julian started to cry and he gave him back go me. "You could come for Dinner during the next days if you want Father Padraigh." I told him and calmed Julian down. "We live in the lonely big house on the other side of the hill, after the circle ….."

"You mean the cul-de-sac"

"Yes I mean it … I didn't have had the possibility to get a look on a name plaid."

"It doesn't have one Mary. The area is just called 'Lismonaghan' and everybody knows who is living where"

"Okay thanks for this information Father … but I have to leave you know because I have a lot of work to do at home and a little shopping to do for dinner." 

"We will see each other on Sunday, don't we?" 

"Sure Father … when will the mess begin?" I asked him. I am not sure when it was that I attended a mess the last time. Before mum's death? 

"At 10ish girl" 

"Fine Father, we will see each other." I said and smiled at him with the best smile I had. 

***** 

"Daddy should be home soon" I told Julian when he was crying. I was waiting for Jarod. It was going to be late but he hadn't written down an exact time. Maybe he will come really late. 

In the living room I found a map and was searching for Londonderry and I didn't found it. I started to call everything bed names – maybe because I haven't had a look for just "Derry". When I found it, I noticed that its not far away from here, just 3 hours maybe. He should be back soon. 

Julian didn't want to stay calm, he was crying all time long and I really lost the nerves. I was shouting at him in an uncommon way. I had never shouted at someone recently but my fears were coming up and Julian wouldn't stay calm. I could do everything I wanted to do but he didn't want to stop crying. 

I took him out of his crib again and it started to thunder and getting uncomfortable. Maybe he was crying because of it. 

"We will go to bed now Julian. Mamma needs some rest and you too my little boy. Dad will wake us if he comes." I told him when I got up the stairs to the rooms. 

*****

When I woke up, the room was cold and the baby was laying silently next to me, just staring at me, not making a move or letting a syllabi escape his little, cute and moistened mouth. 

But there was no Jarod in the bed next to me and I started to panic. 

"Jarod?" I screamed as loud as I could. "Jarod?" with a lot of anxiousness in my voice. I grabbed my robe and got it over my silken nightgown I bought the night before in Letterkenny. I got the kid on my arm, the other one rested on  my belly and I ran downstairs to have a look where Jarod was.

But he wasn't there, nowhere to see. "Jarod where are you?", tears in my eyes "Jarod come out of  …"  My tears broke out, and I was sobbing very loud and within a minute Julian was crying with me. But it was more than crying. 

Jarod where are you? You should be back for hours

The phone was ringing and I jumped to get it. 

"Yes?" I asked suddenly in a very shy way, afraid of who could be on the other end. 

"Miss Parker?" a kiddy voice asked

"Yeah I am here Debbie. What can I do for you?" 

"I just wanted to hear your voice but what's up Mary … it seems like you cried?" 

  
"You are a good girl Debbie I did. "

  
"Parker? … Say it or I will look to get my Dad …. "

"No please not Debbie. I cried …. I cried because…because Jarod didn't came back last night." 

"Did you have had a fight or something like that?" 

"No … he just went to a near city to get some things … but … but never came back." I started to cry again. 

"He will come back I am sure Ms P."

"Do me a favour Debbie and stay with Mary … I don't want to be reminded of my old life, its hard enough like it is right now."

"You know Mary that if you want ever to talk to somebody you can call me on this line. I will give you the number if you want"

She told me the number and I noted it and afterwards I got myself a cup of herbal tea and finished feeding Julian.

I went up with Julian to my bedroom and decided to take a shower but I couldn't let him alone. I got out of my robe and the silky nightgown, got Julian out of the baby cloths and we both headed naked to the shower, but staying in the bathroom I decided to take a bath would be more relaxing for us both. I turned on the heater on and let warm water fleet the bath tube.  

"Julian we will find Daddy I am sure … he will be back soon. Just stay calm please I can't see you cry … it breaks my heart little cutie." I told him and let my fingers glide into the nearly half full tube. 

"That's fine … lets get inside the water boy …. We never had a time to bath together." 

I stepped into the tube. Julian started to giggle happily when his feet met the warm water. I sat and slowly leaned back, to let my hurting back rest against the tube and Julian was laying on my naked breast, watching me silently with a big smile on his lovely little red lips. 

"You look such a lot like your daddy boy. It hurts not to have him around to see us here in the tube having fun …if we can have fun at all without Daddy." 

Julian let his head rest against my left breast and his feet play in the water, like he never did it before. Maybe it was the first skin contact he ever had with somebody, maybe.  But I couldn't turn back time, unfortunately not. 

I put my hands around Julian not to let him glide too far into the water and closed my eyes a bit. I saw my mum standing in front of me looking at me, with her wonderful eyes and a big smile on her lips. 

You loved this way of bathing a lot Mary she told me sweetly. 

I remember that mum. And it seems to me like he likes it too …. But mum I need Jarod … where is he … help me to find him … please I said, sobbing inside of me.

He will be back. 

When?

I don't know Mary 

Julian got my nipple into his fingers and I shortly opened my eyes but closed it soon after, not caring about it at the moment even if it really hurt. 

It seems to me I lose everything lately ….. you know when I was young I never needed anyone  and making love was just for fun … but those days are gone … living alone … finally it reminds me of all the friends I've know … and at home in the states when I dialled the telephone nobody's home …. And I don't want to be anymore all by myself … and to be sure mum… sometimes I feel so insecure … and love was so distant and obscure till I met Jarod again.

Mary … 

I know mum I never made it easy for you or Mr. Parker but the only thing I really wanted was to be loved, nothing more, just to have somebody to talk to, just to have somebody on whose shoulder I could cry … 

Now I started to cry for real, tears were running down my cheeks like the Nile comes down from the white mountains in Africa, powerful and strong.

Be strong Mary, be strong for you and the kids. You can't fall now, you can't allow it to yourself, not now.

You don't have to tell me mum and be sure I will be strong but its really hard to be strong if the person who you love most isn't there and you don't know who he is! 

Suddenly I had to open my eyes because the phone was ringing. I got out of the tube, running naked downstairs with Julian in my arm.

"Yeah" I said  breathing heavily.

"Sorry Mary … its me again …. "

  
"Don't be sorry Debbie you can phone me all day long!"

"I just wanted to tell you that Daddy found out that they … the Centre … doesn't know where you are Mary and they didn't get Jarod or something like that." 

"Thanks for telling me that girl but where else can he be?"

"I don't know it Mary!"

**** 

The first day without Jarod for months now. I am not sure how much longer I can take it. Julian keeps me pretty busy because he needs my full attention but I also need to do some housework. Nothing is running on its own if you have a big house to take care of.

And I really feel very alone now, more alone than when I was young or home at the States. In the States I had at least the Centre. 

I brought Julian to my bed upstairs, not wanting to sleep alone in a big bed, alone of my own. And I got downstairs again to get something to eat, the only think I could comfort myself a bit was eating today. I ate a lot, more than on ordinary days – I know that it wasn't the right way to cope with my problem but the only one right now too. 

"Jarod where are you? I need you and I really love you with every piece of my heart …. I don't want to live anymore if you aren't around me!"

____TBC____ 


	21. Chapter 20 - Then Power of Goodbye

Note: This time no song will be up for anything. I try just to get along with the sad parts, and get over it but life isn't easy like we know. Maybe thanks to Dianne in the beginning who is still busy betaing the first parts/chapters of my story. She knows that I am really thankful for it. I am not sure what I would do without her. And thanks to Kathie*g * – she's a real cutie & thanks to Mary, Clara, Christina (TX) and my elementary school friend  Cheryl to help me to cope with my little life crises. THX

Rating: NC17 

Author: Mary Eve Parker   mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com 

They don't have to see you cry Chapter 20  "The Power of Goodbye" 

~Letterkenny / Co. Donegal ~ 

Dear Diary 

Today is July 4th and I would be glad to have something to party but there isn't anything anymore. I am lone. Jarod is away for nearly one and half months and I am not sure how much longer I will take it. 

Julian is fine and he's really a happy kid, happy with what I can give him which isn't a lot at the moment. I try to be calm and not to think too much about his father, but he is away and I am here alone, more than pregnant with nothing. Money never plaid an important role in our life, so it is now, I have enough to life without working for the next couple of years but I need him. My heart is broken and I am anxious that he is maybe dead and I don't know it, will never know it because not a soul knows about the bondage between us two. How should I tell Julian about his father and mainly what should I tell him. 

A couple of days ago he started to run. It was a great event and I fêted it with him in silence.  I couldn't be happy, even if I was because something was missing in my life – Jarod. I am not sure how much longer I will be able to live without him.

I had a chat with Broots last week and he will send Debbie next week to stay with me and help me. He swore that nobody will know where she will be on her summer break. He also told me that its going down with the Centre and that nobody ever told him that they may know where Jarod and me are. Thanks god for it. Debbie will be a help. 

Two days ago I had my first appointment at the Doctor here in Letterkenny which was really an advantages. Firstly I had to find him: Lismonaghan is a really big area, than the room was full of chatty Irish ladies who noticed the new face – me, and were only interested  into my life, pregnancy etc. and not in there anymore. I nearly had to kill some of them because of their questions. But I was invited to a couple of Dinners and tea times lately. They really kicked me out of my own house, and made me socialise a bit. I needed it, I thought I have to die in this house, alone. 

Most of these ladies have tons of kids in their houses, and not only their own ones – and Father Padraigh tried to tell me that there aren't any kids … 

I have nightmares more often than ever. I see him dead, his brother standing next to him. I try not to fall asleep anymore. I try to stay wake all day long not to see it, not to feel the pain in my heart and to see him. 

Nana is fine too. I am glad that I she sent me the books she had spoken about "The man of the Snowy River by Andrew Barton Paterson" – it so different from the Whitman. 

                        I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better

                                   Knowledge, sent to where I met him, down the Lachlan, years ago;

                        He was shearing, when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,

                                   Just "on spec" , addressed as follows: "Clancy, of The Overflow"

                        And an answer came directed in a writing unexpected,

                                   (And I think the same was written with a thumbnail dipped  in tar) ;

                        'Twas his shearing mate who wrote it, and verbatim I will quote it:

"Clancy's gone to Queensland droving, and we don't know where he are"

                       * * * * * * * * 

                        In my wild erratic fancy vision come to me of Clancy 

                                   Gone a-droving  "down the Cooper" where the Western drovers go;

                        As the stock are slowly stringing, Clancy rides behind them singing ,

                                   For the drover's life has pleasures that the townsfolk never  know.

                        And the bush hath friends to meet him, and their kindly voices greet him,

                                   In the murmur of the breezes and the river on its bars     

                        And he sees the vision splendid of the sunlit plains extended,

                                   And at night the wondrous glory on the everlasting stars 

Everlasting stars – one thing I got known here in Ireland, where my family is from,  my mum's family – my real family. The only family I have now – Nana. She sent me the book without any note, just her phone number on a small sheet of paper. I am not sure if its her handwriting, that's why I haven't called her yet. I am afraid of losing the faith in her and that she'll be the only one if something had happened to her during the last days. 

Most of the day, if I am not socialising with other pregnant women I am sitting at home, looking to the candle I lit in the window. My mum always told me that if you lit a candle in the window if somebody is away, you can be sure that he/she will find the right way home. So did I … weeks ago.

I am nearly in the seventh month pregnant, unable to move sometimes and really unhappy with my body and the way it turned out. I am not able to get regular cloths, only this ugl maternal stuff. So at home I am usually running around in panties and oversized Tee's from Jarod. To always think that he's next to me because of the smell. 

I am not sure how much longer I will be able to go. The kids making me busy because they don't let me rest a minute without kicking and I am running to the toilet about every 20 minutes and my back hurts like hell. But I am still alive, don't ask me why and for how much longer. 

I will go now. The entry for today – the first since ages. I will try to write everything down for now, so if Jarod ever comes back, he will be able to know how I feel and how the pregnancy went on. 

Love & I miss you Jarod, more than ever! 

                                                                       M.E.

======= 

Days went on and I couldn't wait to see Debbie. I borrowed Father Padraigh's car to go to Dublin and pick up Debbie. I couldn't wait to hug her, couldn't wait to see her smile and honestly I couldn't wait to get her helping hands. 

The Father didn't ask me why I would need the car or if I would need any help, he just smiled at me and Julian. He was in love with the boy, not less than me. Julian was really lovely and since he was able to run, I was always running behind him, so that he wouldn't hurt himself. All these things forgot the fact that I was more than pregnant. I felt like carrying a VW Käfer in front of me – horrible. 

I went out less during the last weeks, trying to get the house clean for Debbie.  

=======

~Dublin Airport ~ 

I went in without Julian's buggy because I knew that there were always tons of people around. Instead I decided to carry him, give him a change to be near me, let him sit on my hip – even if my back was killing me and my over sensual breasts were leaking even more through his bumpy touches. But I always told myself not to say anything because he was just a kid. 

I was wearing the only matching outfit I could get through my last shopping tour. Shopping was horrible with Julian because he wanted to grab everything and run to … okay forget it. It was horrible but I found a nice looking knee length skirt in light blue and a matching blue blouse with soft flower prints on it. It was absolutely no typical Parker outfit I noticed it was more my mother's taste. Mum … 

I was standing in the waiting area with a twitchy boy on a hip and a big smile on my face. I couldn't wait a minute longer. But her flight just landed and the way I know the airport and the Irish people, it would take her at least 35 minute to be out. 

Julian wanted to sit down, when I found a comfortable position to sit, he wanted to stand up and go around a bit and so time ran away and I nearly missed the moment she was coming out, her big suitcase in the one hand a big bag in the other. She smiled at me and I let Julian's hand out and ran to her, embracing her with all the love I felt for her. She was the only child I had ever to do with, the only child who ever liked be before Julian. 

"Oh Debbie it's so wonderful to see you" I said, my arms linked around her back, her head resting on my shoulder and Julian clasped to the ham of my skirt, he such an impatient kid. 

"It's good to see you too Mary. I couldn't wait to see you, I missed you such a lot … and … Daddy said I have to take care of you … at least a bit … and he wants to wish you all the best." Tears were rolling down the soft cheeks of the girl I loved like she would be my own daughter. 

"Oh I nearly forgot …" I said, wishing away her tears with my thumbs. "Julian this is Debbie. – Debbie this is my son Julian"  

"Son?" Debbie asked perplexed. 

"Yes Jarod and my son." I nearly whispered. "Let's go Girl, we don't want to give the people a free show here." 

She giggled softly and I wanted to take her bag, she shock her head and told me that she was now old enough to take care of her own stuff and that I shouldn't be allowed to carry Julian at all.  I just smiled at her. This girl really cares for me 

"You got huge" she said with a smile on her cutie face. She really turned into a teenager within a couple of months. She wasn't the little girl I knew, now she was nearly a woman. 

"Whom do you tell this Debbie?" I said and giggled happily. 

Don't ask me who I was driving the car, my arms seems nearly too short, but I didn't care and contained by a couple of hours we were home. 

====== 

The next day was a Sunday so we went to church. She laughed at me when I told her that I always went to church since Jarod was missing, even if nobody knows about him here. 

Dear Diary 

Its wonderful to have my girl back here. She's a big help. But my beloved Debbie laughed at me when I told her that we will go to church tomorrow but she nodded when I asked her if she would go with us. 

She loves the house and things that Letterkenny is a cute nest. Yeah was the right way to describe it. It was really a nest, but of what? 

We had a lot of fun in the evening. Together we bathed Julian and he loved it, splashed us with water all the time and laughed with us. She really softens my life at the moment, she helps me look forward and not always in the back.

I am really tired and I hope that I will be able to sleep today night and that those in my belly will not kick me all night long. Please! 

I love you Jarod, with all my heart. 

                        Yours forever, M.E. 

======

I woke on the next day because of the smell of fresh cake. Did I overslept? I asked myself and had a look for my watch on the nightstand. No, it was just 8am. I grabbed my robe, not to run naked around the house anymore and went upstairs. 

Debbie was standing in the kitchen in white dust and Julian was helping her to cut the apple pie she had made. 

"Mama" he said with a big smile. He had never said something like that before, not in this connection, not in a moment like that  and not in a situation emotions were nearly overwhelming me. 

I smile at him and tears burst out. I hugged him and Debbie as good and tight as possible, both kids having a hand resting on my belly. Both were act like siblings. 

"I love you two" I said and whished away my tears. 

======

Dear Diary

Its now a week that Debbie is here. She is really a big help, I never thought she would do such a lot for me without me asking her. She's the best. 

I gained 5 pound more and the doc said that everything is fine, even the small bleedings I got lately when I was standing too long or carrying Julian too long or stuff like that. He told me that it would be normal if you were carrying such a mass in front of you.

The doc was nice at all because he joked a lot and didn't mean to just a doctor, he wants to be your friend so you would be able to trust him and tell him what the matter of fact is even if its really embarrassing. Debbie went with me and he told her what I was allowed to do, allowed to eat and drink and all these things. Julian was quite during this appointment – the first time in his life I think. Up from the moment we came home she babied me. 

By nightmares are away, nearly. 

I really miss you Jarod. 

                        Love, M.E. 

======= 

"Mary could you open the door please? I am upstairs with Julian trying to get him clean of all the chocolate again." 

"Sure I will." I got out of the couch. Slowly letting my legs try to catch the floor, getting grip of the back of the couch and with a fast * huag *  I was up.  "I am coming" I screamed to who ever was waiting outside. 

I had a fast look into the mirror, brushed some hair strains behind my ears and opened the door the fast way, I had let the person wait long enough, with a bright smile on my face. 

But the moment I saw the face standing outside, the body, these hand I wasn't able to smile anymore. Tears got up into my eyes and I started sobbing. 

"Oh god Jarod you are back" came from behind me from Debbie who came the set of steps down with Julian. 

The man didn't say a word. He was just staying there looking at us. 

"Come in." Debbie said. I was something like knocked for six. I was just staying there and staring at him, not able to move, not able to say a word. I was waiting for a sign from the other side. 

Jarod came in, not looking at me a second time, not saying a word. 

"Do you want some tea?" Debbie asked Jarod and gave him a seat at the couch. Julian was standing next to him staring at him, and fumbling with his father's trousers. 

"Thanks Miss" he said when Debbie brought him his cup. 

"Miss?" I asked Jarod. "Jarod this is Debbie!" 

"And who are you if I am allowed to ask?" 

I grabbed the next part of furniture I could get and sank down slowly. 

"Shit" Debbie screamed and ran to me. She got me just the minute before I touched the floor. "Sit down on the sofa Mary." She told me and Jarod stood up, offering me his seat. 

"No you can stay there and take care of your wife." She yelled at him, heading to the kitchen with Julian. 

I was pale like snow, I was sure, if I didn't look like a ghost at all. He sat next to me his eyes fixed on the wet spots on my tee. I had noticed them but didn't said a word. I had to control myself not to slap him, not to box my fists against his muscular chest. 

"You are my wife?" he asked suddenly in a very shy way, a way I've never heard from this creature of god before. 

"Looks like this" I sad and my hands rested on my belly. "And I am carrying our children" I reminded him.

"I can't remember …." He said and I saw tears playing up in his chocolate brown teddy bear eyes. 

I tried to sat up, but he pushed my shoulder down. "Its better for you to rest in your … just lay back down." This tone was familiar to me. "I can't even remember to have a family… not you and not the girl, not even the baby running around here." 

"Oh Jarod … " I sobbed. "What happened?" 

"I don't know." 

===== 

Because of the fact that Debbie slept in the only guestroom he head and Julian in his own room, Jarod had the to decide to sleep next to me or on the sofa. And it didn't shock me that he had chosen the sofa to sleep on. This was a typical Jarod manner – if you aren't sure don't risk anything. But deep in my heart one more part broke and my soul was hurt badly. 

===== 

"Are you awake?" he asked me when he entered the room. I faked to be asleep, only half covered because of the heat. I accommodated to the Irish climate, and started to sweat if we only had about 25°C. My whole life changed – I wasn't counting in degrees anymore, nope, it was Grad Celsius etc. 

I faked it and didn't had the time to close myself up. So I lay there with a naked chest, my now nearly three cups bigger breasts resting on the silk sheets I had bought. The only position I could sleep in was the side way, so he was able to see the full size they had gotten. 

I had never faked anything before in front of Jarod but this time it wasn't really Jarod. I was a foreigner for him, even if we have had the best sex of my life. 

I tried not to stare at my hardened big dark nipples which were, more or less, looking in his direction. It seemed to be hard for him. When he turned away I tried to glance at him, to see his naked male chest and the long hairy legs. He stand there at the cupboard just in a towel. 

I moaned loud and turned around a big, letting the sheet glide down my belly, letting it just hide my legs. He should see what he had done to me. It wasn't him in person but his sperms inside me … 

Jarod turned around and studied me from my eyes up to my hidden toes, very carefully. I just heard him whisper something about "beautiful", "big", "suck" and some indefinable morphemes. 

======= 

He had just needed something to hide his male body, something to wear. But the whole next day he wasn't able to look into my eyes or say a normal word to me. It was cute. 

"Do you remember anything Jarod?" 

He shock his head in response. 

"Tell me what I need to know" I looked at him. What shall I tell you – where my only thoughts. 

_____ TBC____ 

  
View My Guestbook  
Sign My Guestbook  



	22. Chapter 21 - You make me feel ...

Note: This goes to Pam this time for giving me the loveliest feedback for ages – thanks. And its going to Dianne because she will give me a good beta I am sure, Phoebe (she killed herself today a year ago – I will never forget you) and to Josephine. THX

"Next plane out" & "Love doesn't ask why" – Céline Dion – thanks for singing these songsJ   & "No more tears" by Ozzy Osbourne 

Archive: wherever you want to have it, just drop me a line – l like to visit it.

Author: Mary Eve Parker   mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com 

Rating: NC 17 

Rest of the story can be found under: www.eves-paradise.de.vu 

They don't have to see you cry Chapter 21 – You make me feel … 

I told him the most important things, and I have not skipped one of the bad sides the Centre had and that they are still hunting us. 

===== 

It happened more than once that he slipped into "my" room to have a look at my naked frame during the last week. He was still sleeping in the living room but I knew that he was more than uncomfortable. What should I do?

I couldn't ask him to go to bed with me. I remembered having sex with him but he didn't, unfortunately. I missed his strokes now more than when he was away. 

But today, today something had changed. Today Father Padraigh was at ours for Dinner and Jarod talked to him like he would have done before. He was sociable and talkative, like I know him. I am sure that I smirked at him all night long. 

In the typical Irish manner the holy father drank too much and I asked him if he wanted to stay on the sofa this night and he agreed without discussion – so Jarod would have to share a bed with me. 

Thank the holy up there for the Irish behaviour to drink to much!

=====

"Mary?" he asked me. I was standing in the dark, looking out of the window like I habitually did before I went to bed – just to have a look if the world was still existing. 

"Yes Jarod? What do you want?" I said shyly and in a calm way. 

My hands rested on my swollen belly which I had covered in a soft dark red silk bathrobe. 

"I can also sleep on the floor if you want me to!" he noticed. 

"Holy God no Jarod … " Did these words escaped my mouth? "If you want you can sleep on the floor but I always thought that the bed is big enough for two … you also thought about it, you told me that it is not only once before …." 

"Stop that Mary. Its not easy I know and I am not really comfortable with the actual situation. I know that I have drunken too much and I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"I am not scratchy Jarod, I am just tired. It had been a long day and the weight in front of me makes moving even harder."

I felt that he was standing behind me, just in boxer shorts. I could feel the heat from his body, and holy shit my body was reacting to hit. I felt my nipples to get harder, unbelievable hard and this pain was killing me but I knew that there wouldn't be a release for it this night, if ever. 

Slowly I start whispering the lyrics of one of my favourite songs – the song was so true, like it was at the moment. Like my life was … 

            I listen to the sound of the rain falling, down my window …

            … Praying for a gentle wind to bring you back again …

            … Tryin' to be strong but I'm not getting any stronger … 

            … Loneliness is tearing apart this heart of mine …

            … I lay awake 'coz I can't take another night lonely …

            … It's been too long, I can't hold on no more … 

"What are you singing?" he asked softly, nearly whispering into my ear. 

"Just a song I loved long ago" I lied. 

"Tell me about how it was?" 

"What shall I tell you Jarod?" I was nearly crying. 

"How we were … and why we never …"

I sobbed. "Jarod, love doesn't ask why … speaks from the heart … and never explains … don't you know that? Love doesn't think twice … it can come all at once or a whisper from a distance … and please don't ask me if…"

"Mary I just wanted to know how we worked things out and how you got that pregnant?!" 

"I told you Jarod, I told you everything I know." 

"But you never told me why you phoned me and not the man named Sydney. You told me that he was a good friend of yours … " 

"Friends …. Friends … Jarod believe me you are the only person I could trust with all my heart. We were friends through the whole childhood and we only were separated because they were afraid that we would fall in love with each other." 

  
"And we fell in love, didn't we?" 

"Yes Jarod we did, more than that. Well but I told you about the twins and everything which seemed to be important for me."

"It seems like I mean a lot to you, even now. So let me try to understand the whole situation. I got the parts with" he sat down on the edge if the bed. "the Centre quite well and parts seemed familiar to me" I turned around stunned and smiled at him. "But why did you chased me when you loved me?"

"Jarod, I was working for the Centre and my life wasn't easy at all. Please don't ask me this question again. If your memory will come back you will understand it."

I turned around and went to *my* site of the bed. I had a look at him how he was sitting there on the edge of the big wooden bed. He was not sure what to say, which move to make next – I felt it. 

"Jarod turn around, face me" I could see the watered eyes and the hurt look in his face.  "Don't look like a puppy please Jarod you know that I couldn't resist this look … and now step in, we don't have endless time to sleep, Julian will be up soon and we couldn't let Debbie do all the work." 

"Okay." Was the only thing he said before he stepped under the sheet. 

"Jarod?" I asked softly.

"Yeah?" He didn't look at me. 

"Would you at least give me a good night kiss?" 

"Did I do that before?" I joked with a soft giggle. 

"Normally you did more than that, much more than that, but a goodnight kiss would work …" 

In exact that moment Jarod's lips brushed mine, just for a second but it was amazing. It wasn't even a real kiss but enough for me to feel like a woman again. 

He laid down near me, looking at me. I felt his eyes wander over my robe. 

"Don't you want to get out of this silky stuff?" 

"You want to see a strip show for free?" I joked back. 

"Oh … ah …" 

Yeah Jarod I am naked under it, more than naked, really naked and I don't want to seduce you tonight but maybe some nights more in this bed and you will beg for….

"No I will not, I will turn around if you want me to. It doesn't matter."

I slowly let my robe fall open, really slowly. I wanted him to look at me even if he doesn't want to – he shouldn't have the possibility to look away. I knew that he liked my body because of all the visits in the morning when he thought that I would be asleep, deep in dreams. 

And he couldn't resist, no men could ever resist when I did it, even if my belly bad it look funny – I think it was looking funny. 

My erected nipples were holding the silk softly back and I needed to help the fall a bit with my fingers. He was still staring at me. Not saying a word not letting me know that he adores the look and I am sure he got aroused from it.  But why couldn't he tell me what he feels, what he thinks. 

The room was dark but I could see his glancing eyes. He was laying on his belly, one arm under the pillow the other one wherever, don't want to know where. Or? 

"Mary you …?" Now I was standing naked in front of him, laying the robe over the chair "What Jarod?" I asked.  

"Nothing." He said shyly. Cute But I felt what he wanted to say and it aroused me, more than the whisper in my ear before. And if he had a look at me he would have noticed my nipples now, they stood like little Big Bens in the air.  He would notice it. Would he? 

Slowly I got near the bed. The moment I stepped in he faked to be asleep. Lovely Jarod but not fast enough 

I slipped under the silky sheets, smiling at him, seeing his eye lashes softly whipping. 

I let the sheet softly fall over my swollen belly and turned to the middle of the bed. The side position was the only, more or less, comfortable one at the actual situation. 

===== 

The sun was shining brightly when I opened my eyes. I noticed the hairy chest under me and the hand on my breast. Holy God don't tickle me there this way Jarod. 

I couldn't see if he was asleep or not but it looked like he was. I tried slowly to move away. I needed to go to the toilet. But he wouldn't let me. His hand was tight around my breast, slowly teasing me – I couldn't stand that for much longer. Not much … a bit maybe … not a lot … but … well … 

I could stand it. I took a deep breath not to giggle and not to think about waterfalls or stuff like that. 

In the moment I got the change to roll away I did it. Peeing was more important right at the moment than anything other. 

=====

"Mary?" he asked softly knocking on the door to the bathroom 

"A minute Jarod." 

"We need to talk."

"Do we?" I said drying my body with the big towel. 

"Yeah we do, more than a need at the moment indeed." 

"Okay … go down and say good morning to Father Padraigh" 

"Mary … I can't go down right now …" 

"Why?" I didn't understand. 

"I am not even sure if I can be a gentleman if you would open the door right now." 

"Jarod. Everything okay?" 

"Yeah only … well … slow your motions down and give me a fiffy okay?" 

"Okay Jarod" 

What was he doing? What's the boy's problem?

=====

I got out of the bathroom when Jarod was sitting on the edge of the bed staring at me. 

"Good morning Jarod" I said with a smile. 

His cheeks were red and his eyes watery. I slowly went to him, as slow as my weight let me and sat down next to him on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in my big towel.

"What's up Jarod? Tell me what bothers you!" 

"You" He whispered. 

"I?" I asked slowly and very silently not wanting to let him know how nervous he was making me.

"Yeah … Mary … I mean how could you let me sleep in a bed with you when I cant remember you?"

"Because I am sure you will remember us Jarod." I took his hand and let it rest under mine on my belly. "You will memorize us Jarod, I am sure about it. You were always the strong one of us, the one who was able to solve all the problems we had, the one with the solutions." 

"But now…" 

"Don't cry" I let my palm wander up and down his cheek, he was weeping cordially. 

Slowly his arms start to embrace me, softly he let his head rest on my shoulder and I heard him sober bitterly. He really didn't understand what happened and that I wasn't interested in hurting him. I was loving him even if he doesn't know who I am.

"You are so amazing beautiful Mary … and I can't remember … can't remember how it … was to touch you … to kiss you …. to fell you!" 

I understood that these things bothered him, like they bothered me. 

"You were wonderful and soft Jarod, you never pressed me into something, always asked twice and like I told you …. you were my first man and you will be my last one!" 

I was shortly before crying with him.

Slowly I felt his hand glide up and down my back and I had to smile, a reflex. At a snail's pace we glided back and both lay on the bed, at my side and watched each other. His head rested on his arm and he looked into my eyes I could see me in there.  

"You know that you are a beautiful woman?" he asked me when his fingers slowly outlined my bottom lip. I grinned at him. 

Are you comfortable this way Jarod? I could stay in bed forever and you know that quite well and hell god I noticed the bulge in your boxers. You cant hide something giant 

"Thanks Jarod … I missed these eyes of yours a lot" I whispered. 

"Am I allowed to kiss you?" He asked with a softly shuddering voice. 

"If you want to!" I whispered back. 

Gently he leaned down to me, let his lips brush mine. Only a soft touch. My fingers were massaging his scalp softly, not want to let him go but he wasn't the Jarod I knew – not at the moment. 

Bit by bit, and brush by brush I let my tongue glide over his lips and begged for entrance and after a couple of minutes he welcomed me and we started to kiss passionately and with a lot of tongue.

I was to concentrated to find a position to comfort him a bit more, that my towel got open. I didn't care because I knew that he had seen me naked the nights before. 

He tried not to look at my breast and the tightened nipples with the dark areolas. But I broke the kiss to get some air. In exactly this moment he got a small view at them before he took the one end of the towel to see the rest of them. 

"These are yours and only yours" I whispered into his ear during he watched them getting up and falling during my deep breathing.

"They maybe were mine but now they are yours. It's your gorgeous body and nobody else's"

"I know Jarod but you let this miracle happen" I looked deep into his chocolate brown eyes. "I never thought about kids before, never about getting a real life – and you let this miracle happen. If I wouldn't …. well if they weren't there I am not sure if I would have stayed, if I would have had the energy and power to stay with you."

"You just stayed with me because of the babies?" 

"Firstly yes, maybe a little … I wasn't sure where I was positioned in our little friendship or whatever it was. I trusted you with all my heart, if not I wouldn't have called you" He let his fingers slowly brush down my collar bone, tickling me a bit and teasing me a lot, slowly between my breasts and up to my belly.  "… don't tease me Jarod, you know quite well that I don't like being teased if I'll not get what I want later" 

"I can't give it to you … I want to remember the way you like to be kissed, the way you like to be touched and the way you like to be loved." He said in a sweet way, a way that touched me deeply. 

"You will remember it Jarod – trust me." I said and took his hand. I put his hand slowly on my right breast, just a little under my heart. "This is just beating for you, Julian and the babies" I took a deep breath "If all of you wouldn't exist it wouldn't have a reason to beat." 

"Don't say that Mary." 

  
"But it's the truth. Not only once I thought about giving up" 

  
"But you never did." 

  
"No I was never brave enough for it."

"No Mary, you always remembered the little girl you've once been." 

"How would you know?" 

"I can see this little girl in your eyes."

"You remember?" 

"Not really I just see this picture in front of me. A girl with a white rabbit in her arms, cuddling it a lot…" 

"Yeah Jarod …" tears were running down my cheeks. 

I felt his hand wander under mine, letting it tease my erected nipple, letting them try to cup my breast and feeling the wet liquid which made all my shirts wet. My body was in its way overreacting but I didn't care about it. It's a wonderful feeling to feel something grow inside yourself. 

"Just hold me Mary, just be there, I don't want anything more than stay near you, feel them grow inside you and be able to love you" 

I let my arms glide around his neck and kiss him softly. He cried like a baby and I was sure to know the reason. 

"Don't blame yourself that you cant remember me or the kids Jarod, it just happened whatever it was Jarod … you will remember … give yourself the time to relax a bit and …" 

"But I blame myself … it shouldn't have happened." 

"But it is Jarod. I love you with all my heart and my soul and I can wait for you and for whatever you want to wait for." 

"But they will not wait Mary and they are more important than I am. You have to make clear decisions if you want me to stay or not." 

I sat up as fast as possible and looked into his eyes. "Jarod you have to stay I couldn't live without you." 

"I love you Mary, I love the way you make me feel loved." 

"You know that I also love you" 

"So Mary, what to do next?" 

"Hey boy" I chuckled. "I haven't that much possibilities what to do …" 

TBC 

What will they do?


	23. Chapter 22 - Up where we belong

Note: sorry that it took so long but we have some family troubles – I hope that my grandfathers test results will cut that down on Wednesday – but its pretty hard actually. 

Note 2: His is for Henry, a long time pen pal – I know you love the idea pregnant Parker having sex…*lol* … I know you so well … my =dirty= little boy

Rating: NC17 
    
    Archive: wherever you want it, just drop a line 

Email: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com        Author: Mary Eve Parker 

All the other parts? www.eves-paradise.de.vu   

exactly: http://www.geocities.com/mary_eve_parker/they_dont_have_to.htm

*****

They don't have to see you cry Chapter 22 Up were we belong

*****

"Tell me what you like and what not …. we have a couple of weeks to go till the kids are born and I will able to become a good father, I want to know you…" his fingers tickled my nipples "know every part of you and I want to remember what I like and what not." 

I smiled at him, knowing what he wants. I let my eyes wander down to his boxers, noticing that they were more like a tent than before. I started to giggle like a small child. 

"Jarod don't look like that at me. I know how much I arouse you but … but its so funny to see you that shy. You've never been that shy – you always told me what you want and what not."

He looked me. I was still in the sitting position and he sat behind me, hugging me from behind. I slowly turned my head around to see him. His nose snuggled into my hair. 

"I am not sure when a woman ever aroused me more than you do actually." 

His hands were gliding up and down my belly, taking care of the little stretch mark, just the one and it was little but he had noticed it.

I let my head rest against his shoulder, my tongue slowly tasting his salty neck, sucking on his earlobe. Within a minute he was kneading my breasts with afford and I was giving him a mark on his neck. He groaned when I stopped, kneading a little faster I couldn't stop moaning.

"Not so hard Jarod … they are very sensitive." I reminded him. He stopped and started to kiss me passionately. 

Slowly he got out from behind me. Jarod was sitting between my spread legs, looking at me. I let my upper body rest against a couple of pillows and I was smiling at him. For a long time I haven't been happier. 

"You are so beautiful Parker, nothing has ever been more stunning than you … you laying here on my bed with these wonderful filled breasts, your big nipples and this amazing huge belly … I could sit here all day long watching you."

"C'mere", I say. My voice was lower than normal, aroused for sure. God Jarod.

I had decided to wait and see what he wants to do to me. I was now in the mood to let Jarod command my body, more than ever before. A quiver goes trough me at the thought of how well and how easily he could do that. It's nearly scary how easily and impressively I responded to Jarod.

"You are so beautiful Parker" he whispered into my ear. I giggled. 

"You too Jarod, you too" 

He goes down on his knees and I slowly put my arms under my head and look deep into his chocolate brown eyes. I watch him drape his torso over the sheets and suddenly he takes a hold of my ankles  and pulls. 

"Jarod" I giggled and I let out a small "urgh" 

Jarod pushes my knees further apart and strokes the sensitive flesh of my inner tights. A shabby moan escaped my lungs and I settled into my new position. 

"You liked that? Did I like that?" 

"Yeah" was the only thing which got the possibility to escape. 

His hands got so close to where I needed ho, where moister is pooling quickly, but Jarod waits.  

"I love you Parker" 

Why are you calling me Parker again lover boy?

He kissed my tights with an open mound and I could just moan in reply. 

A little shy why I don't know I lift the leg he had kissed and hooked my heel over his shoulder. I closed my eyes and there was just his mouth now having shifted a little tighter on me. His hands rested on my tummy and I am so close to come. 

"Jarod … oh .. Jar-o-d" I moaned loudly. 

He just stopped for a second. "You like it being sucked?"  

"Who told you words like these?" I stumbled. 

"The girl which is more or less under me decades ago." 

I let my weight rest on my elbows, unhooked my leg from his shoulder and started to look deep into his eyes. 

"What have I told you decades ago?" 

"Little Angel wants to know the dirty words she told me when she was 16?" 

Tears were starting to get into my eyes. "She told me that if I wouldn't start to suck a woman's =tits= firstly she wouldn't give me entrance to her womanhood." 

I grinned shamed. I had told him a lot about sex, brought a couple of sex magazines into his room when I was visiting him secretly. Not once he had said that I telling him =dirty= things, but nowadays I would say I had. I had told him everything I knew, all the dirty little secrets out of the romance novels I read under the sheets at night. 

"Jarod and… ?" I couldn't believe that he remembered that. It had been our little secret over ages. We talked a lot about things like this, about sex, relationship and love. He was the only friend I had during this time of my life, shortly before I was sent to boarding school. 

"A little later you were waiting in the vet in those horrible tight jeans and the tee which didn't reach the end of your breast …. which showed enough to let my erection nearly kill me." 

"So you remember that?" I giggled. 

"It looks like I remember a little more" In exactly this moment I felt his thumb pressing against my swollen clitoris and I bugged my hips in response. Slowly he let two of his fingers glide into me. I moaned, maybe the whole house was now awake -  I didn't care. 

"I want to kiss you Parker" he said snuggled against my heavy breathing chest.  And he leaned over and kissed me, not gentle this time, hard and passionate. He wanted more like I did, so I let my hands glide over his muscular back, down to his buttocks, digging my nails into them.

"I am glad you are back Jarod! You are, aren't you?" 

I didn't answer that, but he started to squeeze my nipples, lick them and start sucking hard.  

"It tastes so much like you" he said smiling when he got some milk out of my swollen breasts. "And I love their new weight and their response to my tease."

"Okay Jarod … take me now please … I am not sure how much longer I will take it …" 

Slowly I felt his erection pressing against my wet entrance and we smiled at each other. 

Jarod if you would know how much it means to me that you are back, full alive! 

"Maybe … its embarrassing to ask … Parker …which position is comfortable for you?" 

I smiled and giggled inside of me. He was right and he had the right to ask. 

Within a minute we were on the edge of the bed, he had put some pillows under my hips and he was standing in front of me. Slowly, very slowly he let his dick slide into me and I moaned in response. And like the first time he wait to let me get comfortable with his little big man inside me. 

"Go" I said and smirked. 

And he did it, slowly in and out and it didn't take long till we both reached the edge and he slowly collapsed on me, trying not to press his sweaty body into my belly. 

"I love you Jarod" 

"You know how much I love you Mary" he rolled off me and rested next to me. "I don't understand how I could forget you and the love bond between us … I don't understand." 

We got out of *our* room soon after we kissed each other, showered together and he told me endlessly how much he missed me and how much he would love me. 

I was wearing a long and wide light blue summer dress which just hugged all the swollen parts of my body the right way and wasn't to tight. 

Jarod couldn't stand not to touch me every moment nobody was looking at us – he thought nobody was looking but Debbie was and she was smiling when she noticed it the first time. 

Julian was up too and Father Padraigh was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup tea. 

"Good morning Father" Jarod said and smirked at me. 

"Good morning son" he replayed. 

"Could I have a minute with you father, alone?" 

"Sure you can" he answered and headed with Jarod to the living room. I would give everything to know what they were talking about. But I was tucked in the kitchen with Debbie and Julian. 

Julian got the ham of my dress into his fingers and I got slowly down to get him into my arms. 

"Momma" he said softly and that touched me nearly to cry. "Momma" he said and let his ear rest on my belly, just in the right moment to feel a kick of one of them. 

I hugged him tight and carried him on my hip when I got up. 

"You shouldn't Mary" Debbie reminded me and she was right, so I let him sit on the edge of the table. 

"Would you say this word again for me Angel?" I asked Julian. 

I saw that he had a look on Jarod and when he faced me again he smiled "Dadda" than he got in touch with my hand "Momma". I started to cry. 

Holy god …

"What happened Mary?" Jarod was suddenly standing next to me hugging me. 

"Dadda a Momma" Julian said again and I felt Jarod hands tighten around my back. 

"He got so big!" Jarod whispered into my ear. 

"Yes he did, he is such a big boy now." I smirked at Julian who was fascinated in playing with the fabric of my dress. 

"Marry me Mary Eve Parker" he whispered into my ear. 

I pushed him a little away to have a full look at his face. He smiled happily and I did. How long have you waited to hear these words? A life time?

"I want our babies to be legal with all their rights and I want us to be a couple before god." he said and Debbie nodded with a big grin on her lips.

"I will marry you Jarod, I will …" I sobbed. "You are back for about an hour and you ask me the most important question in life." 

"Don't cry Mary. We will marry as soon as possible, they" his hand rested on my belly "could come every day now"

He was right. I was a little over 8 months so it could really happen every day. He was back. Jarod was back. He was back and he still wants me. 

  
"Yeah Daddy they will get married" I heard Debbie telling Broots. Honestly I missed the whole clique. 

It was knocking on the door and when I reached the knob I saw the police standing outside. Shit 

"Are you Miss Caroline Quinn?" – I didn't understand but than I remembered our arrival in Dublin. 

"Yes I am, what can I do for you sir?" 

"I just wanted to hand this to you. I was sent from Dublin. I should just leave this here and you can arrange the rest with the local lawyer." 

He handed me an envelope and within a second he was away. Jarod stood next to me, stunned and in shock. Slowly with tears in my eyes I opened it. 

Dear Mary

When you get this letter I am not longer alive. They will have killed me. I have left this note at a friend's of mine who works for the IRA secretly and you will only get it if it was a murder. 

I don't want you to search after the man/ woman who killed be. I just want you to get these photos and the diary your mum had sent me years ago. Both things are at my lawyer in Dublin and he will send them to you when you contact him.

I hoped to be able to see the magical triplets at least once but it shouldn't be. 

God will save you! 

Love, Nana 

I started to cry.

In the following days we bought me a light white linen dress and for the kids something to wear on our wedding. The magical day should be next Monday. 

Jarod and I arranged a couple of things. Normally it was the way that I was resting on the sofa or playing with Julian while he did what I told him to do. 

He wanted to me rest and do nothing anymore and I was glad he understood that I was getting uncomfortable with nearly everything. Julian was the most amazing kid for Father Padraigh and he came nearly every day now to play with him or to help Jarod when he had to work on the house or in the nursery. 

I got a last glance at the mirror and went to the door when Debbie hold me back. 

"Do you have everything?" she asked me giggling.

I showed my belly a little more and asked her what more I should carry around with me. 

We both laughed. 

"Well something new, old, borrowed and blue … or did I mixed something up?" 

"Nope that's fine …. well the dress is new … the necklace is my mum's …" 

"Here is something blue"  and Debbie handed me a wonderful arrangement of middle blue corn flowers "and something borrowed – I want that back" she said and gave me her pearl earrings. 

I hugged her tight, got them in and went to the door. 

Jarod smiled at me in his new black suit, Julian was standing next to him with the rings. I felt a little uncomfortable in this dress because it was a little tight around my breasts but I could handle it with not breathing deeply. 

When Father Padraigh said all the holy words and we both agreed that we will stay together till death would separate and than we were allowed to kiss as wife and husband. It felt incredible wonderful. 

Our honeymoon wasn't very amazing because I got soft bleedings after dancing around with Julian on my hip. The doctor told us that it could happen from time to time when I will not rest enough. 

So our honeymoon was just kissing and touching. Jarod didn't want me to give him a blowjob or let me kiss his dick because if I would pleasure him he wanted to give the favour back and Dr. O'Rayen told us that we shouldn't have sex during the next days. 

I was sorry for that. We have had sex nearly two times a day since the special night, and it had been amazing wonderful. Jarod could be gentle and passionate and sometimes we just did it the hard and fast way. 

Positions were a little complicate but we found some to get enough pleasure.

So days went on till today. I rested most of the day, Debbie took care of Julian together with Father Padraigh and Jarod took care of me. 

Today, it was August 28th, I wasn't willing to lay anymore. I stood up, "The wings of the Dove" by Henry James in my hand, and went into the kitchen where Jarod was cleaning the dishes. 

"Mary, what can I do for you?" 

"I can't do that anymore." 

"What?" he asked me and I leaned against the fridge. 

"Rest all day long. I am pregnant, exploding maybe in a minute but I am not ill." 

"You will explode soon, that for sure" He joked. "But I love every pound." 

"Don't joke around with my weight Jarod. I can't wait to give birth to them. I cant sit in the tube anymore, cant lay in a comfortable position or stay on my feet a long time … I cant do that anymore."

"Don't give up now Love … it will not last long till we can hold them in our arms but before that will happen … can you give me Syd's number?" 

"What do you want form Syd?" I asked a little stunned. 

  
"I need to talk to him."

"Why?" 

"I just need to talk to him okay Parker? Nothing to bother." 

"Okay I hope so." 

"Yeah and now go back to the sofa. What are you reading by the way?" 

"Oh Henry James." 

"I love his books, they are all so sad." 

"Well but better than Jane Austen, I can't see her novels anymore" I chuckled. 

"Do I have to remind you that you read all her books within a week?" 

"I have to much free time." 

Suddenly a sharp pain ran through my body. I screamed out. 

=============== TBC=================


	24. Chapter 23 - I hate you than I love you

Note: I am not much better actually but I want to keep the story . thanks to Pam, Mary, Kathy, Julia, Tiffany, Tamara, Siân, Charlene, Matt and Claire for being my best friends and always having time for me to talk. Thanks to Céline Dion for being one of the most amazing singer with the most wonderful songs - each is an inspiration. THX to Dianne - she'll give me a good Beta I know *g*  
  
Rating: NC 17 - mostly for birth act Archive: yes where every you want it -just drop me a line All the other 22 parts missed - or just one? www.eves-paradise.de.vu Feedback: mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com  
  
  
  
They don't have to see you cry  
  
  
  
Chapter 23  
  
I hate you than I love you  
  
  
  
*****  
  
I was standing in the kitchen, arms around my belly screaming. Within a minute the whole family was around me, watching me. Jarod kept me into his arms, letting me rest into his lap on the floor.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I think she's going to go into labour"  
  
"Isn't it a little early?" Debbie asked me with one of her familiar looks. I shook my head.  
  
"We are straight on time Debbie" I breathed hard. "I couldn't carry them a day more, I would explode within a second when I just think about it." I tried to smile.  
  
"You okay now?" Jarod asked me, let his hands rest on my belly.  
  
"I am not sure Jarod . somebody should phone the doctor please."  
  
Debbie ran and called him and she was told that he would be here in about 20 minutes. Jarod was scared why I didn't trust him to bring them to earth, I noticed the look.  
  
Father Padraigh and Julian went back to the living room, like Jarod told them.  
  
"You can help Jarod, but this birth will not be easy, so I want you on my side and not down at my feed look into my stretched vagina."  
  
He smiled at me and kissed me softly on my check when the next contraction hit me.  
  
"They are very short behind each other, only 15 minutes apart."  
  
I nodded, still in pain. He was right, it will go fast maybe and I really hoped that the doc will make it in time. I couldn't bring them to earth without him. He was perfect the time Jarod wasn't there, helped me a lot, listened to my problems and stuff like that. I couldn't discuss everything with Debbie. She was an angel and she took care of me and of Julian of course but she was too young and innocent to understand my problems about the loss of Jarod in my life. But thanks god that this problems were far behind us now. We were together again, together and nobody would ever be able to split us up.  
  
"Jarod .. what's happening now?"  
  
"We are going to have our babies!" He whispered into my ear, kissing me softly.  
  
Be strong Mary an inner voice told me It will get easy, they'll not flitch out of you easily. It will them take long and you have to be strong.  
  
Mamma?  
  
I am with you my darling.  
  
I will need your strength Mamma   
  
You have the most wonderful man on your side, so what do you want more than that?  
  
You Mamma .  
  
Mary I am always with you.  
  
I know.  
  
So be strong now ..  
  
And the next contraction hit me.  
  
I cant be that strong Mamma.  
  
Its not that bad yet at all.  
  
It will get worse?  
  
Girl I laid nearly 17 hours in labour before they made the c-sec .  
  
I can't Mamma.  
  
You can and it looks like it will not take you that long.  
  
I really hope so  
  
"Don't press yet Mary, not yet" Jarod said to me. The doctor arrived this minute and Jarod ran to him, telling him the facts, the time between the contractions - about 10 minutes - and everything else he would need to know.  
  
"So how are we doing Mary?" He asked me.  
  
I rested on my bed, don't ask me how I get there, I think Jarod and the doc carried me up the stairs.  
  
"It hurts likes hell for sure doc."  
  
"I am sure it does. Let me have a look how far we are." he said and helped me out of the wide boxers.  
  
"Wanna stay Jarod?" I asked him with a grin and he sat down on the bed next to me.  
  
The doctor inspected my vagina and how far we were now. Well I remembered what he told me clearly.  
  
"Well we are about 3 ½ inch now, but we'll need a little more to get a head through it." He looked at me with a grin. "During the next contractions you shouldn't press, breath like I told you"  
  
I did and I really tried not to press, even if its was very hard not to do so. It felt incredible to know than within a couple of minutes a small body will suck in the first breaths of fresh earth air and you were god's to give life to this little body.  
  
Jarod sat next to me.  
  
"Mary we've never discussed any names . I mean maybe . we should now. its just if ."  
  
"We should Jarod that's true . so any ideas ?" "I like a couple of names a lot Mary, that's not the fact. I want to know what you like!"  
  
Another contraction ripped my body and I cried out softly.  
  
"Boys or girls? Do you know it?"  
  
"No we don't know it Jarod . unfortunately not."  
  
"What about Jessica?"  
  
I shock my head. I wanted names which are unique, not too unique but not all day in use.  
  
"I like Theodora a lot" I told him, letting his hand rest on my belly.  
  
"Theodora sounds nice to me." he smiled " but please stop squeezing my hand that hard"  
  
"Sorry" I looked at him, trying to smile a bit "but we need more than one name, remember?"  
  
"I remember everything now darling . I also like Georgina and Virginia"  
  
"Jarod you cant name a kid after a British Queen which was too stupid to get laid." I giggled when he cooled my sweaty forehead with wet towel.  
  
He laughed with me about my last statement. "I remembered you loved Tudor History - so why don't call her Elizabeth?"  
  
"No good luck with this name lover boy - I want her to get boyfriends and remember the stories I told you about Queen Elizabeth I.? Well what about Charlene?"  
  
"You have an incredible taste in name honey."  
  
"I love it when you call me pet names sweetie, I missed it."  
  
"Love you . but honey we also need boy names . I love Julian but I cant think of any other nice names right now. What about you?"  
  
He wants me to relax in the situation, between the contractions. Sweet  
  
And thinking of the next contraction it came - harder than before and the pain was unbelievable. I squeezed his hand hard, I know that I and I was sorry for it but I couldn't stand it.  
  
"Sorry Jarod" I said when it was over. "I like the name Oliver a lot, and what about Henry .."  
  
"Parker don't say Cary now - you cant name your kid after one of the best Hollywood actors . the man"  
  
"I like the name Jarod . Cary stands for a strong man with wonderful eyes."  
  
"I thought mine are the best" he joked around.  
  
"Yours are incredible Jarod, be sure about that . but there are other males with unbelievable eyes in the world too."  
  
"Look into my eyes and tell me that again"  
  
So I did and had to laugh all the time. I couldn't think that labour was so funny before. Has somebody had such a labour before? I couldn't think of something more amazing than that.  
  
"You are unbelievable Jarod." He said and let my head rest on his shoulder. "I love you"  
  
"I love you too sweetie and soon we'll be able to held them in our arms, soon I swear."  
  
"But it hurts such a lot."  
  
"I know Mary, I know .. but we will get through it and today at night we'll sleep and will be awake every hour because one of them is crying."  
  
"Hopefully not honey, I want to sleep . I haven't had the possibility to sleep comfortable the last 3 months." I giggled.  
  
******  
  
We laughed a lot during the next couple of hours. I haven't had the possibility to look at a watch but I just noticed that the sun was going down and I was still in labour and the pain became more and more unbelievable. I started to scream and Jarod told me that my contractions came now every 2 minutes. So it shouldn't take me too long anymore.  
  
He headed downstairs to look for the doctor whom I have sent out of the room to drink some coffee and smoke his long wanted cigarette. I hadn't smoked since . since . well I can't even remember the taste of smoke in my mouth.  
  
I started to scream now at each contraction which hit me, ripped over my former delicate body.  
  
*******  
  
"It will be soon over Mary" The doc told me with a huge smile on his face when he looked between my legs.  
  
"Want to see Jarod? She started to press a little, even if I told her not to do but that's normal .. Jarod come over and see the dark hair. on the baby's head of course."  
  
I looked firstly a little stunned about the dark hair comment till he added baby's head .. the baby's head. The miracle will happen soon, I could feel the pain getting more and more and he told me now to press and I did. I breathed with Jarod together and we both pressed. Jarod was now sitting behind me, letting my tired body rest against his, holding his hands. He was giving me the energy I needed to stay alive during this pain, and it should be the same two more times. Shit that hurts  
  
Be strong A voice in my head told me and I will be strong.  
  
"So press hard now Mary" So did I but pain only got heavier and heavier and nothing changed, except the pain of course.  
  
"What do you see?" Jarod asked the doc, while he was massaging my shoulders.  
  
"I see the head and I think I can see one ear . so Mary . next contraction push as much as you can honey."  
  
I just nodded and I did it, press and I think I nearly died in the moment I hurt something scream. It wasn't that painful but the last push, when I think the shoulder escaped my belly hurt like a bitch. But now . now the baby was there.  
  
"Here it is .." the doctor smiled and cut the cord. The baby screamed with all its power.  
  
"What is it?" I asked tired, my eyes half closed before the next contraction hit me.  
  
"We have a little girl here with wonderful dark hair and incredible ice blue eyes."  
  
"Who could be different .. she's her mother" Jarod whispered into my ear and his hands were resting on my swollen belly, pressing a little against it to help me like the doc told him.  
  
The doctor laid the baby in a thick soft blue towel next to him on the queen size bed when I started to scream and press again.  
  
"It will be over soon" he told me and I couldn't wait that this would come true.  
  
The little girl in the cobalt towel, smiled at me and her eyes were more than incredible blue. I lost myself in looking into her eyes, it was amazing.  
  
"Mary ... Mary . press again" the man behind told me.  
  
"Hui .. yes sure"  
  
So I did and within a couple of minutes and pushed our second baby was born.  
  
"No we have a boy Mary" he smiled at us "Congratulations".  
  
Jarod hugged me from behind, that's what I really needed now. My boy was there, the boy I was dreaming of, the little boy who wanted to play with his sisters. All the dreams of the last months seemed to come true. God gave me the luck to hear voices and they told me the truth. Mamma look down on us and see what happened . we will be a real family within an hour.  
  
And it happened like that. A couple of pushes later and less pain the second girl saw the light on earth the first time. She wasn't screaming or something like that. Jarod climbed out of behind me and helped the doctor cleaning the kids.  
  
I couldn't believe it. They were born, all three and they were healthy, like it sound. I also couldn't believe it when Jarod come back to the room with two bundles in blue and yellow back to the room, both crying loudly.  
  
I could only cry when Jarod sat down next to me and let me have a look at them. The bundle in the blue one was our first born daughter.  
  
"So say hello to Mamma Teddy!" he said and handed her to me. She was so small and caused me such a lot of pain. I couldn't believe it that it was over.  
  
"Hello my darling" I said when I got the first look into her wonderful incredible blue eyes.  
  
"She looks like you Parker . I love you such a lot I can't describe." He said and leaned over to kiss me.  
  
"I love you too Jarod."  
  
In exactly this moment the doctor arrived with the last bundle and with Debbie and Julian. Both kids had tears in their eyes. Julian ran to the bed, and with a little helped he climbed up to me, sitting on the other side and looking at the baby in my arms.  
  
"You should start feeding them Mary" The doc told me and handed Jarod the mint bundle. "I will go and wash my hands. I will be back soon."  
  
Slowly I opened my gown and let Teddy, like her name was now, find the nipple to nurse her and it didn't take long, within a second she had found my breast and start to suck hard. She was little but this pressure was sweet.  
  
Julian had one hand on my hip to be able to see the face of the baby a bit better.  
  
"So Julian this is Theodora, and the one in the white towel on Daddy's arm is Oliver ."  
  
I thought that Theodora might be fallen asleep because she stopped sucking and her eyes were softly closed now her little mouth smiling at me.  
  
" . and this here" Jarod tipped the towel a little away "this is Georgina Catherine" he said with a smile on his lips.  
  
He knew that I would never want a kid to be named after my mother, not to have Catherine as her first name, but this combination seemed lovely.  
  
Debbie sat next to Julian, holding his little hands a bit away from touching the baby to hard. She smiled at me and softly brushed Teddy's hair.  
  
"Want to hold her Debbie" with tears in her eyes she nodded and I gave her the little baby and started to nurse Oliver on my other breast. He was a cutie. His hair was a little lighter than Teddy's and his eyes like Jarod's. I couldn't believe it and noticed that Jarod grinned at me.  
  
Now the miracle had finished, we were a full family and had the best babysitter and friend we could think of - Debbie.  
  
During the next minutes the doctor came back with Father Padraigh and both smiled when they noticed us seven sitting at the bed, like a real family.  
  
"You look amazing Mary" he said when Julian ran to him and he put him into his embrace.  
  
"Thanks Father."  
  
*****  
  
This should be the most wonderful day in my life, shouldn't it? I had everything I ever wanted to have and when I say everything I mean really everything. I have my family around me, all the people I love and my beloved Debbie - what do I want more?  
  
___ TBC ___ 


	25. Chapter 24 - Dann bin I frei

Note: This is especially for Melanie Anne who gave me a nice feedback all the time & Mary & Tiffany & Cascade (she knows nearly everything)  
  
Rating: what do u think? Author: Mary Eve Parker feedback: hell u know that I want it .. mary_eve_parker@yahoo.com rest of the story: http://www.geocities.com/mary_eve_parker/they_dont_have_to.htm  
  
*****  
  
They don't have to see you cry  
  
Chapter 24 - Dann bin I' frei  
  
(Than I am free)  
  
*****  
  
A couple of days went over and it was an amazing feeling to know that you would have everything you need around you, everybody you love. Debbie was still staying with us because Broots told Jarod, I was told, that its not secure to come back actually. Well honestly I was on my way to recover from the birth because I lost a little too much blood when the placenta arrived in the end, but I worked it out fine within two days. But now I am trying to get used to the triplet and it was a lot of work. I hadn't slept 4 hours in one since they were born, all the time one needs something is hungry or whatever. Jarod, my love, needs to be a big help but he is less used to children than I am. He is still a child on his own. So I have now 5 kids to take care of and Debbie but Debbie is more an adult than Jarod is most of the time. She is maybe too adult for her young age, she had seen to much and her mother was more than a bitch. I never liked her a lot but when Broots and she split up I wanted to care for Debbie at least a little but my typical Parker character told me not to do, because all the people in the Centre could get known to my true ego.  
  
Nowadays I am staying in a full house, telling Jarod and the kids daily tons of time how much they mean to me - so unusual for me. I am showing emotions. Sometimes I am not sure if I really know myself, if this person who gave birth to three wonderful and amazing babies only some weeks ago is the same who was chasing this marvellous man for years. I am not sure what happened to me, if this was just the rape or if this *me* was just hidden for ages, afraid of being hurt. Jarod once told me that it was always the same, that I have been like this my whole life, and that he knows this emotional *me* very well - maybe he was the only one who ever cared for me . the only one.  
  
When I am looking back currently I am not sure if I ever know *me* really, I seem to be a different person with different needs, except my sexual life. This hasn't really changed, but we just hadn't have enough time to be a little experimental, but now we have to wait one more week and I cant wait to feel him again inside me. Typical Parker even if I am no longer a Parker He just calls me Parker, like it would be a pet name. But its only when we are in bed together right at the moment . officially I am Mary, not even Mary Eve, just Mary like everybody would ever have called me Mary.  
  
Father Padraigh got a chapter on its own. He was more at our house currently than at the Church. Some asked us what we did, because he was such a egoistic, not children loving person before I met him. I could just chuckle. He was outside with Julian all day long to help us. Jarod had asked him if he wants to be God Father of one of the kids and he was stunned on the one hand and happier than ever on the other. So we got all the kids baptized last week, it was amazing and nearly the whole town was with us. Miraculous.  
  
Today everybody was out except Jarod, the triplet and me, we decided to stay at home, clean up a little and get used to the kids a little more. We noticed recently that Debbie will not stay forever so we should work things out, especially morning routines. I loved staying in bed and Jarod brought me the kids today to nurse them. He is always sitting next to me, staring on their little mouths suckling on my nipples till they get read. We weren't allowed to have sex yet but he loves to lay his head on my chest, and to touch my breasts and he always tells me that he loves their new weight. Me too, thinking of the small breasts I had before, now I was easily filling a D cup and that shocked me a little. The weight? Well I lost most of it through nursing but well a little was left and my stretch mark too. Jarod loved it and took care of it carefully, day by day kissing it. But I didn't felt comfortable to stay naked in front of him. I lost the weight but my belly wasn't the same yet. When we went to bed I dressed in silk jams besides Jarod just wearing his birth cloth, but he didn't say a word about it, so did I.  
  
At the moment I was sitting on the couch trying to read a book, a pretty naughty one. I never thought that a book like that was ever written especially not in the 18th Century. I found it in the small library which I got after Nana's death, it was one of Mama's. I couldn't believe that my Mamma was reading Marquis de Sade, not Mamma reading "Juliette", not Mamma. Momma where did you get this book from, I am sure it was on the index when you were young . hey momma that's absolute hard core  
  
I have also had a youth, even if it wasn't the most beautiful but better than yours honey.  
  
Momma . thanks for being there . she was always with me, somewhere deep inside me.  
  
Mary its time for me to leave you. I helped you with all your problems and you are old enough now and mature enough to know what's right and what is wrong - you are a mother now.  
  
Mom you cant leave me, not now. I will need lots of advices with the kids and you are the only one who is there for me.  
  
No Mary I will be the only who will not be there. You will find many friends here in Letterkenny. The people love you and you have changed into a very cordially woman, everybody loves you and you have this gorgeous man on your side. What do you want more?  
  
I couldn't want anything more than I have now Mamma. You were the one who gave me the strength  
  
No I wasn't sweetie, this was Jarod and your own heart - these two things let you stay alive. Not the voice in your dreams or in your head. You had decided to call him, when you lay naked in the dark alley and this was the most cordially decision you have ever done. And look at you . sweetie you have everything I ever wanted now. That's the reason why its time to go for me.  
  
You can't go Mamma  
  
I can, you have more important things to think of now. And you have the most important person in your life and he will take care of better than I ever could.  
  
I saw this magical light again, coming from somewhere far away and this light took her away with a long soft "Goodbye".  
  
*****  
  
"Mary?" I heard a voice next to me and rushed into my real life again.  
  
"Hmmm . ?"  
  
"Little Teddy seems to be a little too hungry to wait a minute longer." He hold her in sweet soft green baby cloth in his warm hands and she look as if she would smile. I sat up and with one hand Jarod started to unbutton the soft pink blouse, I looked deep into his eyes. I know it was hard for him to wait a little longer till we could have intercourse again, and breast feeding didn't make that easier. Sometimes I could notice the tent which formed in his pants and the harder and faster fall of his chest during breathing. Slowly he let his finger glide over the soft white cotton material of the nursing bra, and unclasped it, so that my heavy breast fell free. He was still looking into my eyes, let his fingers rub over the sensitive and slowly stiffed nipple.  
  
"Don't torture me like that J."I said softly when I started to nurse my little sweetie.  
  
"One more week" he whispered quietly when he leaned over and started to kiss me.  
  
"You know honey that I am not sure how long I can wait anymore." I said and sucked his earlobe into my mouth, Jarod was moaning instantly.  
  
Sweet little Theodora Caroline sucked till I had to change the side. She was the biggest of the three and most powerful sucker, except Jarod of course. Nowadays I was also thinking a lot about Julian and the idea that he might be my brother. I mean he was my son, but the idea that my father created a brother out of my ovary and Jarod's sperms .  
  
Suddenly the phone was ringing and Jarod sprang from the sofa and headed to the mobile.  
  
"Hello? .. yes you .. sure . how're you doing . sounds great .. we too .. nope she's fine . nope . she's nursing little Theodora . yeah . did it work? .. well you know where to find the rest don't you? . I think I told you . well .. she's fine too .. she's such a help .. gorgeous little woman. Parker loves her a lot y'know .. hey boy no problem .. you know where to find all the things you will need . and be sure that you are . sorry to sound like you . " a longer break happened and I was wondering about what he was talking. ". yeah . sure . I hope so . soon hopefully ."he laughed "being a bad teacher of course." It was Sydney. "Bye"  
  
When Jarod came back to the living room, the light was a little dimmed and I had brought Teddy to her little bed in the living room, next to all her siblings. So I was waiting for him, the blouse still unbuttoned, the bra unclasped. He looked at me like he had never seen my *new* chest before. Jarod smiled at me, this little boyish grin on his lips I loved such a lot. We sat down on the sofa, I sat down between his legs, let my back rest against his muscular chest, and sight a little when his arms got around my waist, his head rest against my shoulder, kissing me softly on my neck.  
  
"Jarod you know that I love you?"  
  
"Yeah" he whispered in my ear during kissing me, softly, caressing my unhidden chest. He loved it when nobody is at home, and he could touch me whenever he wants to.  
  
******  
  
A week was over and Jarod was away. He told me the would have to do some business. I know that he couldn't sit all day long at home. The kids grow a little and the nights weren't that busy anymore. Jarod needed to work, so he was looking for something at the moment, but I wanted him back, afraid that he might not come back this time, like the last time. Afraid to lose him this time forever, to lose the person I love most, the person I needed next to me. It was horrible to sleep in this big bed alone. That's why I slept most of the time on the sofa in the nursery.  
  
******  
  
The week was over and I was still alone, alone without Jarod. But we talked on the phone once a day and this calmed me a little down.  
  
Today was the day he told me that he would be back. It was Tuesday and he was away for exactly 10 days, 10 to much.  
  
I was sitting on the sofa, reading while Debbie was out with her friends, Julian and the babies were taking a nap - and I was allowed to finish the book I had started the day before. Yeah I started to read in German again. A couple of people study German here and I wanted to help them. I had been perfect in German after boarding school, no accent nothing American left.  
  
Suddenly a knock on the door disturbed my second life in Lessing's "Nathan der Weise" , and I went to the door to answer it.  
  
"Who is it?" I asked, standing behind the closed door.  
  
"Me darling." I heard Jarod's voice from the other side of the wooden barrier between us.  
  
I opened the door with a big "Oh Jarod" screaming, waking the babies with this loud statement, my arms open to huge him tightly, but it didn't came that far. So I opened the door, and who is standing in front of me - not only Jarod of course.  
  
"Parker" the deep Belgium voice said and hugged me so tight that I thought I wouldn't be able to breath anymore. And the same was done by Broots and Angelo. I couldn't believe that they were here and in the end of the row was Jarod. I sent him a *what's that* look and he just grinned at me. When he hugged me he told me that he missed me and he started to kiss me and honestly my body started this special need, to be more than just kissed and he whispered more into my ear "tonight Parker, if you are a good girl" and I giggled softly, not to let anybody else know it.  
  
"So guys what are you here for?"  
  
"We aren't just here Parker, we are free!" Syd said.  
  
"What?" I looked at Jarod and sat down next to the living room cribs.  
  
"We are free Parker, Jarod helped us to destroy the Centre."  
  
Do I have to note that I stopped to breath for a moment and was stunned.  
  
"What?" was the only thing I got out.  
  
Broots looked around searching for Debbie. "Brootsie she's out with her friends and will be back soon" I said with a smile on my lips, with a soft voice. And he smiled back with all the hope he could bring to his lips - he hadn't seen his daughter for long now and I understood that he just wanted to hug her tight.  
  
"What time to do we have here now?" Syd asked, sleepy eyes.  
  
"Fivish in the afternoon I think."  
  
"You now Parker, that you lost the American accent totally? I loved it when you came home from boarding school speaking this German English, at least the accent."  
  
"I would have loved it too." Jarod whispered into my ear, while he stood up to have a look at the babies who were awake now.  
  
"So Sydney look at them, they are ours." Jarod said with a smile and both men, Broots and Syd went to Jarod, I slowly got up too.  
  
The three men were standing speechless in front of the babies. All three were awake and they smiled at them, not really realising that it was for real, that we were a family now - the woman who chased and the man who ran.  
  
Some days I couldn't believe it on my own but it was real.  
  
I embraced Julian when he came running to us. He hugged me tight, sitting on my hip. "Mamma a[n]d Daddie" he screamed and Jarod came to us, hugging us both . "Bacg" he screamed and the Georgie started to scream softly. Without even looking Broots took her out of the grip, laying her down in his arm, tickling on her belly and she started to giggle.  
  
******  
  
"Daddy" Debbie screamed when she saw Broots standing there with Georgie in his arm. Broots handed the baby to Sydney who was a little perplex what to do with her and Broots ran to Debbie, hugging her tight, swinging her around.  
  
"I missed you girl"  
  
"I missed you too Daddy, have you seen the babies" she said tears in her eyes.  
  
******  
  
All the kids were in bed now and we, all the adults were sitting around the coffee table with coffee and tea, watching the moves of the others.  
  
"So now tell me guys who have you manage to destroy my former life and what happened .?"  
  
Sydney smiled at me. "Well cutie" naming me cutie? "It had been Jarod's idea and with this help we managed to give the most important information to the FBI, CIA, Scotland Yard and all the other big Secret Services in the world and within a couple of days one Sub Centre after the other broke down - we couldn't believe it."  
  
"So can't I.." I whispered.  
  
"Mr. Parker killed him self by shooting in his head, Mr. Raines failed this and died a couple of days later in hospital."  
  
"You have to know Ms. Parker. " "Call me Mary Broots, please" He grinned at me. " . he died in his favourite pair of tiger slips. I couldn't believe it till I saw them."  
  
We all had to laugh. The image I got into my head was so creepy. Don't think about it that long.  
  
"And by brother?" I said with a sadder voice. He was my brother even if he hurt me like a devil but on the other side he gave me the most wonderful gift he could - my new family. "Lyle?"  
  
"He's in the death row in Texas - he had killed a woman near Athens."  
  
"That's good, so he can see how torture is" I closed it.  
  
"So not a little bit of the Centre still exists -we all are free."  
  
I looked to Angelo who was sitting next to the babies since they came in. He hadn't said a word yet and I tented to him and gave Syd a questionous look.  
  
"He had been very silent till we left Blue Cove. This is too new for him and you know that he is very sensitive."  
  
I nodded and went to him, sitting down next to him, letting my hand glide into his big male hand, mine were so small in comparison.  
  
"Mary Happy" he said with a big smile. This touched me so much that I started to cry and he hugged me tight and all my tears, all the fears and hopes came up now.  
  
Now I had everything I ever wanted. My freedom, my real freedom and Jarod's. Nobody would ever be there to make us anxious, nobody ever again.  
  
"Yes Timmi I am happy, happier than I have ever been"  
  
"Mary Happy." he said again.  
  
******  
  
Up in the bedroom Jarod stand on his side of the bed, looking out of the window. The view was marvellous, green as far as you could see and somewhere up the hills some small houses, trees and maybe the one or other playing child in a garden.  
  
People were usually happier and friendlier here in Ireland than somewhere in the world. Nobody ever asked about my past, nobody asked anything I didn't want to talk about. They know how far to go without hurting you, not even Father Padraigh had asked me anything.  
  
"Come here Parker" he told me and I did it. I leaned against his chest.  
  
"I love you Parker" he smiled. "and I really hope that ." "You don't have to say anything. Just love me the way I missed such a lot."  
  
"You are unbelievable Parker"  
  
"Thanks" I said with a grin on my face which he couldn't really see.  
  
Slowly he let his fingers unbutton my baby blue silk pyjamas, button my button, slowly teasing my aroused flesh. He let my freed breasts weight by his hands and I started to tease him a little. "Don't get too used to them sweetie they'll not last forever!"  
  
"I don't care." he started to suck on the sensitive spot behind my ear "I liked them when they were when you were 16, when I took care of you after the rape and now."  
  
One hand teased my full erected breasts the other one wandered slowly to the waistband of my shorts and got into it. Went more and more into the direction of my arousal, teasing me deadly. I couldn't resist and poked my hips into Jarod's hand. I also started to feel his erection, which was only two cloths away from me, pressing between my buttocks. control your thoughts a little young woman I tried to tell myself.  
  
I let the pyjama top glide from my shoulders, turned around to face Jarod and guide him backwards to the open bed. Together we fell down, kissing forcefully, passionately with all the need we had.  
  
Within a couple of seconds we were naked, laying next to each other. His head rested on his elbow and he studied my body inch by inch.  
  
"It's a wonder Parker how fast your body recovered from the pregnancy, you are as beautiful as before." he told me.  
  
"This was exactly what I needed Jarod." I said with a smile when he rolled on top of me. And now he was just looking deep into my eyes till I started to let my hips make small circles under him. I felt his erection pressing against me and I know that he didn't want to rush anything, that he wanted to be carefully like he ever was.  
  
"Just get into me Jarod please .. we have all the time for the slow sweet sex the rest of our life." And Jarod just shook his head in response. It was obvious that he would ever give me the good old hard *number* - this wasn't Jarod. Jarod was the one who wanted to comfort me in his own way, letting it come bit by bit, riding me slowly to the edge of now return. He loved it when I tried to hold my orgasm back to wait for him, knowing that he was holding back too and in nights like this, the most intensive orgasms washed over us.  
  
And slowly his lips got down my body, kissing every part of my chest, suckling on my breasts for a short time, and let his journey go southward. His beard was tickling me and I had to giggle. He faced me with a large grin on his lip.  
  
If you would know how much this sweet torture means to me  
  
He found the hot and wet spot between my legs and started to concentrate only on this and I couldn't stand this for long and I came with all the power and energy I collected through all those weeks. I screamed his named that loud, I am sure I woke all the house. But I didn't care.  
  
"Jarod please don't try to go that slow . I want to feel you inside me." and so did I. Slowly and very carefully he glided into me, not to hurt me he looked deep into my eyes. It hurt a little because he was that thick and my vagina was still a little more sensitive than before the birth but I didn't let him know.  
  
Slowly he started to move and to kiss me passionately. After a couple of minutes I begged him to speed up a little, I knew how close he was, I could see it in his eyes.  
  
"Please Jarod, do it for us both!" I said smiling and heavily breathing. And an angel like he was he did it, speeded up a lot and we both came, together, simultaneously.  
  
*****  
  
"I love you Parker" he said, his hand resting on my bare chest, his hand on my belly.  
  
"I love you too Jarod" I said, brushing some his longer hair out of his face,. "You gave me everything I ever wanted and let me be the person I really am." I kissed him on his lip softly.  
  
"Till death will separate us." He said.  
  
"Till death will separate us." I promised. 


	26. Epilogue & Thanks

Epilogue  
  
Momma,  
  
Nearly a year ago you left me and I never stopped writing this to you, to let you know what is going on here. I know that you are still looking down on us, taking care of your family. I know that you are up there, like you have always been. Today was the first birthday of the triplet and they were gorgeous. Teddy my darling grabbed the cake and put it all over her face, Oliver nearly burnt his finger in the only candle on the cake and Cat, Cat my sweetie lost every faith in the used paper she was sitting in after opening all the gifts. Julian became a lovely big brother. When we go out for shopping or on the play ground he always protect them - has to be Jarod's gene. Oh mum what shall I tell you about Jarod? Jarod is the most amazing man I have ever met. We can discuss every problem we have, and be sure we have troubles from time to time -remember life isn't easy. He is the best father I could ever think of, not making any differences between the kids, loving them all the same way, with all his heart.  
  
I am still at home but I will start working at the little boarding school when they turned two, need something to do. As much as I love staying at home, its not my passion to clean up all day long. Father Padraigh had the idea after he heard that I have been to boarding school in Austria - so I will start teaching History and German on a boy's boarding school next year. I can't tell you how excited I am about it. I can't wait.  
  
Julian started kindergarten a week ago. He told met that he wants to go to the kindergarten with all his friends, so he's attending the catholic kindergarten now.  
  
Jarod is working for the psychiatric service in Donegal. Most of the month he works from home via Internet, telephone and personal assignments but two days a month he went to Donegal City, the capital of this county. Its always the same, that I am afraid that he will not come back, but my darling always come back.  
  
Jarod helped Broots to find a work in Dublin, so that Debbie is standing with us. He told her that she hasn't to change school if she doesn't want to and that he is just a couple of hours away. She really turned into a lovely young woman, so adult.  
  
Sydney is here and there always around, trying to put at least some parts of his past together.  
  
Jarod and I decided to live our life now and that we will search for the losing parts of our past later, when the kids are older.  
  
You know Mamma that I miss you with my heart and my soul but I have my own family to live with so, I don't want to say that I miss you less, you will always be there and have a place in my heart but the main part of my life are Jarod and the kids. I couldn't be without them anymore, even if I had never spent a thought on having a family or kids- I have been busy taking care of myself all life long. But not . now I feel loved - you should have seen the kids on Mother's Day. Sitting all together on the edge of the bed with their drawings and flowers in their little hands. Julian had prepared a poem for me - I couldn't believe it. It was magic, the feeling .. I can't describe it.  
  
Now I am living the life I should be living, the life of a woman and not of a huntress. I am not Parker anymore, I am Mary Eve- Jarod's wife and Julian's, Cat's, Oliver's and Teddy's mother - and nobody else.  
  
Yours, Mary Eve  
  
Thanks  
  
I want to thanks all of your for not giving up this story. I know that it wasn't always easy to understand because my English is far away from being comparable to most of the others. So I have to thanks Dianne in this way for being an amazing beta. I handed the story in pretty late and she did the a wonderful job. Love you for that Dianne, really. When I finished this last words of the Diary Entry, I couldn't believe that I have finished it - over 60 000 words in a language I started to learn 9 years ago and been told that I far away from the average, lower 1/3 of the class. But I never cared because I love writing.  
  
I also want to thanks especially Melanie Anne, she was one of the less who always gave a lovely feedback , so did Mary, Tiffany, Pam and some others. Many didn't like the story I am sure, or at least some chapters, but I fell in love with the story, I could see through Parker's eyes, feel like her and partly think like her - in my own little way.  
  
For me she is one of the most amazing characters I have ever *met*, because she's special, special in all parts I can think of. I was always amazed by her way to cloth, but time by time I got more and more into the picture of her character. She is and will ever be amazing, you can't change her that much to be different. She has a big heart and a hard cover, because she was hurt every time she thought she could trust somebody.  
  
So I want to thank everybody who has ever read a part or the whole story. I hope you enjoyed it - I loved it.  
  
Thanks!  
  
Lots of love, Mary Eve Parker  
  
Vienna, 20th July 2002 


End file.
